/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>42565831
I spent the last 10 years trying to become a music producer and make it a career.

It started in 2012 when I heard English Miku was releasing. I was one of the first to post an English Miku song. it got 1000 plays on YouTube then stopped.

I was naive and young and felt embarrassed cause I thought I’d be famous off one song like Supercell lol, so I deleted my online profile and trained more. (songs still on nnd)

2014 I tried to release Miku EP under a new name. I paid for art and everything. dokidokitunes on BC if you wanna look it up lol,

but I realized my songs and mixing were bad.
I got embarrassed and dropped the profile again lol

In 2015 I briefly created a miku song for a contest, then when I didn’t win I deleted my profile…again… orz

In 2016 I started a new profile.
This time I learned my lesson and figured out what music I wanted to make.
I told myself I was going to stick to it.
In 2017 I deleted that profile after making about 12 songs on SoundCloud lol

In 2018 I created temp name just to enter a Miku contest, didn’t win. Dropped name.

Years went by of
>depression
>learning more
>giving up
>gaming
Cycle

I improved a lot I feel. I swore next time i start I’ll stick to it.

Overall I lost friends, connections, fans, profiles, and even lost some songs I created.

I feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with me. I must have some type of psychosis.
I regret not having a profile with past works and feel like an outcast within the own community I tried to make songs in.
I wish I could go back and just stick to my first profile and keep releasing songs, staying with my friends.

I cant start again it seems.
I’ve been making songs for myself with vocaloids over the years and never feel like I’m ready.
I want to go back to my old profile and friends but I can’t bring myself to contact them or start releasing songs again… even though I have this unrelenting urge to do so.

What do I do? How do I fix myself?