/jp/ - Otaku Culture

Anonymous Wed Aug 5 16:09:18 2015 No.13879009 [View]
File: 1.16 MB, 1292x773, Maximum Ribboning.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

YBA asked for comments/criticism on Graystorm before and I only just finished it so I'm gonna post them here and hope he ever sees it.
1. Stop writing in second person if the protagonist is clearly a person with a personality and not a perfect blank slate in a CYOA.
2. The protagonist is pretty ineffectual and things happen to him, but he doesn't really do things. Somewhat boring.
3. Camel girl a best.

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/jp/ - Otaku Culture

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