/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>12388095
Alright, made almost all of the changes. Below are some of the ones I objected to
>Haha, it's a pity that the one that you wanted to talk to isn't here. \\ Doesn't exist from the looks of it?
BB Hime explains this later, so I don't think the admiral knew that.

>In that case, why not feel those joys fighting for me?
>In tthat case, you guys should fight for me
I'm keeping this one, since it flows with the previous sentence better.

>[I was just slightly picturing this thing entering me]
This one seemed clunkier than what I had without really making that big a change, so I'm sticking with the old one.

>[My diaphragm is getting stimulated by the friction...]
I'm using this, but doesn't that sound a little biologically impossible?

>If you're a weapon produced only to fight, there's no way you would be so weak
Left it it out for clunkiness

>[I'm falling...]
I thought about using this, but it seemed inappropriate given she's falling into the sea (sinking). I'll use it, though.

>[I've already became this man's shipgirl...]
This doesn't sound quite correct--"I already became this man's shipgirl" or "I've already become this man's shipgirl" both sound more logical.

>But that would be a problem. This is a war that we must win through a victory.
>Fight for me again once more, as a weapon
I'd stick with the old lines in this case as a stylistic choice.

I'm not sure using "meat toilet" as a literal translation is quite right either. The english equivalent is cumdumpster, and even the toilet part isn't exact.

Otherwise I've revised the script to your corrections. Reading back, I did make quite a few translation mistakes, so thanks for correcting it.

If the typesetter is here and hasn't gotten started, the script is basically ready here:
>http://pastebin.com/fYmjGyu5

Does anyone here typeset lewd? I'd be willing to translate the new fatalpulse doujin from chinese if somebody's up for it or really wants to see it.

Though given how well-known fatalpulse is, it won't be long before the japanese raw will show up anyway.