/jp/ - Otaku Culture

Why is this the case? Japanese social interaction is all about intuiting the other person's wishes without discussing them openly, at the same time that they are intuiting your wishes without discussing them openly, so that although nothing is ever verbalised, the two of you will always exist in a compromise position of equilibrium. If you like someone, that intuitive part goes into overdrive, because you should be able to understand everything about that person without them ever telling you, and you should be able to please them without ever asking how, even more than you would with a normal person. So it's more important than ever to be indirect. Which leads me to:

2. Negotiating through a third party
Again, it's not really flirting, but since flirting is showing your feelings openly--that is, pushing your feelings onto another person, which is direct and rude--it's better to show no sign to the other person and meanwhile exploit the back channels. Sort of like in high school. So that convoluted human chain whereby: you like Hiro and you tell Junko that you think Hiro has a nice smile knowing that Junko will intuit that you want to know if Hiro likes you back, since Junko is friends with Goro who is friends with Hiro and Junko will talk to Goro and Goro will bring it up with Hiro etc etc etc etc etc etc. Once everything is confirmed, Hiro will ask you out. (The girl ask the guy out? Ahahahaha. Be serious.)

If you don't have a third party to negotiate for you, you may be forced to use other methods, all of them so subtle that a westerner may not even notice them at all.