/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>45175246
“...Aya. I’m okay doing this with you — I want to. What’s the matter?” Anon shifted to a sitting position, still covered from the waist-down while giving the tengu a concerned look.

Aya’s gaze remained fixed on the human. Every twitch could reveal his feelings. “That’s not all there is to it, is it? You’ve still been holding your tongue and masking your emotions when you get passionate. Ever since you find out about the pills, you’ve been calling me by my name… but you called me ‘dear’ just now.”

“I’m sorry I gave you that impression. I don’t hate your company at all, I look forward to your visits! You’re always here to talk and listen to me. It’s just that at night in this bed, I feel like I’m doing something unfair to you.”

Unfair to her? She reserved him all to herself for 7 straight nights, how was she being wronged here? “Could you explain? You’ve been feeding me and bathing with me; I don’t see how I’m being taken advantage of. If anything, I still owe you for—“ Anon suddenly raised his voice as he interrupted her.

“That’s the point! You’re still visiting me for something you didn’t have control over. Every session with you this week has felt like an oddity. Like the HSE has turned into some alternate version where sex isn’t an inevitable end to the day and I can talk to somebody in their right mind.” Anon paused to calm himself down, considering his words and fixing his posture. “Ever since you started using those pills, it was you, Aya, coming to these sessions. Not a customer or HSE affiliate, but a friend visiting me without falling victim to the incense. And that scares me.”

It was the first time Aya saw Anon’s true emotions. She wanted to encourage him with a gentle touch, but balled her fist instead. He had to let it out himself. Touching him in this room, in this bed, would defeat the point of his confession.

“What’s so scary about it? I like spending time with you. Do you think something bad’s going to happen if it keeps going?” She had to give him some topic to focus on and unearth his full thoughts. As she shifted her body to move in front of Anon, he gripped the sheets on both sides of him tightly.

“Aya, I don’t want to trap you here. I don’t want you to come here and try to make amends for something that wasn’t your fault. Just knowing that you’re sanity is intact and you’re still going through the routine and I can’t stop it… I can’t stand it! You can leave the HSE and stay away from Yukari’s influence. Please. Don’t let your guilt chain you to this place.” His eyes changed: The empty darkness was replaced by a strong, unmistakably human sadness. Guilt and self-loathing swirled in the whirlpool, suggesting to the seasoned reporter that his words weren’t just inspired by her visits. Something new peeked out too: Out of all the faces Aya imagined, she never thought she’d see Anon cry.

Taking one of his trembling hand in her own, she put all of his words together into one cohesive narrative. He was torturing himself this much because she was too much of a coward to admit the truth to him. Yet, there was one more thing she had to know for certain before she could resolve this. She needed to know the full extent of his guilt in order to uproot all of it. “Anon. After I leave… Yukari comes here, doesn’t she?”

At the woman’s name, Anon breath hitched before he gave a single nod and hung his head. He spoke softly: “Spending a quiet night with you before she comes to this bed… It’s a refreshing contrast. I shouldn’t do that to you. It’s not fair to use you as some crutch before I have to meet her again. That’s not your responsibility.” As Anon retracted his hands, the tengu gripped his wrists. The strength in her slender fingers forced him to look up at her, barely holding back tears.

She put on her bravest front, diminished very slightly by the salty dam threatening to break behind her eyes. “Anon, you’ve been carrying some heavy guilt, but unfortunately you got two things wrong! Number one: Yukari’s pretty much able to reach anyone she wants in Gensokyo, so running away from her is useless. I’m standing up to her with everyone else! And number two: I’m not visiting you out of any guilt or obligation! Don’t even consider that for a second!”

Her bold enthusiasm shocked him. He couldn’t deny the first point: After all, the people he was closest with felt the same way. They chose to fight Yukari, and so was the girl sitting before him. The second point gave him a bit of relief, yet raised another question. “So if it’s not pity… why do you keep coming back? Why do you keeping making tea and bathing with me? Why—“ A possibility struck his mind just as the tengu locked fingers with him.

Tears flowed freely from Aya’s face as she smiled widely and spoke from her heart: “Because I love you, you dummy!”

(Part 44)