/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>46335012
Chinese history lesson with miss Hakutaku

>Today's history lesson is about General Long Dong
>General Long Dong was born in Bunfu County in 1890, the son of a prostitute and the village rapist.
>He began engaging in banditry be the time he was 13 and by 1911 he commanded a bandit army numbering nearly 80,000, one of the smaller bandit groups in the region.
>He first rose to prominence in 1917 when he was hired by the local military governor to crush an uprising of over 500,000 peasants.
>The peasants calling themselves "Divine Soldiers of the Heavenly Spirit" were lead by a schizophrenic Taoist monk who claimed to be the 3rd reincarnation of the ancient Chinese emperor Chu Di
>The rebels, only armed with bamboo spears and potions of bullet resistance (later identified as opium), were easily crushed. Long proved his worth by personally beheading 7,000 peasants in one day.
>For his performance the Junfa clique appointed him governor of Chaching province and made him general of the 377th infantry division which in essence was just his own bandit army with new sashes.
>By 1921 his army numbered around 200,000 soldiers. Armed with nearly 600 rifles and one Napoleonic era cannon it was considered one of the most well-equipped armies in all of China.
>Paying this massive army proved somewhat of a challenge as tax revenue in his province amounted to $33 and a bushel of rice
>To pay for his army Long devised the economic theory of "Dongism". This innovative approach saw him print paper money in massive quantities and then threaten to execute anyone who didn't accept his soldiers' inflated currency at face value.
>This lead to widespread poverty and starvation. General Long himself however cared little. He summed up his attitude towards his citizens in a poem written in 1925:
>The stench of starving peasant corpses fills the air.
>The cities are full of unemployed men.
>Yet, why should I care?
>I just want to smoke in my favorite opium den.
>And maybe behead some communists.
>A telegram by the British Foreign Office described him as "ne of the least bloodthirsty and incompetent warlords in the region."
>When the 5th Junfa-Tuchan war broke out in 1926 he became famous for changing sides on 17 different occasions
>In 1927 he joined the nationalist government after being convinced by the righteousness of their cause (and a bribe of 20,000 Mexican silver dollars)
>After the KMT defeated both warlord cliques Long continued his reign of corruption and graft until the Japanese invaded his province in 1931.
>Outnumbered and outgunned Long begged Chiang Kai-Shek for reinforcements who agreed to send 4 divisions to his aid.
>Long miraculously managed to hold the line for just long enough to see Chiang's troops divert east to launch the 32nd encirclement campaign against the Chaching-Bunfu Soviet.
>Hopelessly outmatched Long's forces were routed and he was removed from his post for incompetence.
>He moved to Hong Kong where became a Buddhist monk and spent the rest of his life in relative obscurity.
>In 1940 he died peacefully in his sleep, being strangled to death by one of his 72 concubines.

>"The Ancient God Vivec once literally bit off Molag Bal's penis to create his signature personal weapons. The spear, Muatra, meaning Milk-Taker."

>>44698630
>"The "plap plap plap" sound during sex is something that you hear only when either one of these two things happen: The female's buttocks slam against the male's hips or the vagina 'queefs' because the penis can't completely fill it, thus creating space for air to come out. Also, telling someone to "get pregnant" does not actually increase the chances of pregnancy. With healthy semen, the chance of pregnancy should be nearly 100% with just one intercourse. In other words, people who use this meme are basically confessing to having a small penis and low sperm count/motility."

>"Lesson of the day: Malekith hates snow."

>Here's a dirty secret the Demon Lord does not want anyone to know. She actually has an ex-boyfriend before, an angel named Inarius. They dated before she became the demon lord and made monstergirls, but they had a particularly nasty breakup and from then on she refuses to talk about, ever.

>>43596933
Today, in a Hakutaku's classroom lesson:

>Wuxia be like:
>Emperor Chou Mao reigns under the mandate of heaven for 80 years while things stay the same, peace is everywhere exept for constant cases of northern tribes raiding chinese villages and shitting in their ricebags, Waco Pirates wreking trade ships and stealing the equivalent of 1M US dollars in silver, and a yellow river flood that drowns 10.000.001 farmers each year, art is made and scientists make technology on accident to try to bulge the emperor's cock veins,carful though as the emperor's cock veins are rumored by philosopher Xue Hua Piao Piao to have control of the universe and its movement
>Emperor dies by a stroke, poison, and a knife in his back in that order
>New 12-year-old-son Lao Shi is now emperor of china, his concubine mom Cao Ni Ma successfully persuades him to give her the rule of China
>Population is enraged by this news
>Retarded local wizard Baichi Zhan starts the red socks rebellion against the throne, while 9999 feudal lords all declare the Mandate of Heaven.
>7th warring states period begins, 900 years pass
>General Wu Tau Tang and his Flying Tigers army declared war on the 12 princes of the Golden Dragon kingdom out of the belief that they had lost the Mandate of Heaven. Their armies met at the Heavenly Gate of the Eastern Dragon.
><Death toll: 30+ million
><20,000 to 30,000 civilians were eaten
><Decisive Tang strategic victory

>>43079137
>"Tolkien Elves don’t sleep around. In fact, when an Elf falls in love, they will NEVER fall out of love. If such a relationship is formed with a human, the Elf is destined to commit suicide or fade away not long after the human dies. I believe they get a "reset" after their stay in the Halls of Mandos and being re-bodied, though. The "Elves" most dumbass Philistines are talking about are of the Zipangese pop culture otaku kind: human women with unusually large breasts and pointy ears. Being an Elf is just a charm-point label and has no meaning beyond that. In "reality", a High Elf who wants to hook up with a human is looking for royalty and nothing less. Certainly not your scrub adventurer ass, and DEFINITELY not murderhobos. But, in the context of TTRPGs it’s only natural to give Players an Elf partner as a reward. If they can’t have High Elves outside of fantasy when and where can they?"

>>42961986
>Meanwhile in a classroom
>"If you are playing a game, especially/specifically a Zipangese made game and you choose English Dubs and not the original Zipangese voices. You deserve to be insulted, mocked and have your humanity and character insulted. Why do you listen to "localizations" by so called "translators" who hate you and your culture and hobby to begin with? Zipangese voices and English Subs all the way. Plus, Zipangese studios always do a perfect job in casting appropriate voices while English voice acting is forever trash where everyone sounds like boring adults. FACT!

>"The A-10 Warthog is flying gatling gun made by electric company Fairchild Republic that specializes in turning bad guys into spaghetti and American soldiers into insurance claims."

>"Pee is stored in the balls."

>Pee is stored in the balls
>The Moon is made of cheese
>The apple does not fall because of gravity
>The Earth is flat
>Birds do not need to flap their wings
>Your grades are Sus

>"Pee is stored in the balls."

>"Pee is stored in the balls."

>>37006334
BNA is the commonly used abbreviation for Boku no Hero Academia, the Japanese title for My Hero Academia.