/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>7114743


There's a reason for this, my dad was bi-polar and committed suicide. The general consensus is that I'm going to be like him so ever since I was 4 its been generally accepted that I will fail like him.

That kind of idea that I can't do anything has been with my since my father died when I was 3 and its specific only to me. My sister has been left to her own devices and is a strong individual. I hate and admire her for her single mindedness, selfishness and disregard for people who tell her she can't do anything.

That idea has made has shaped my current self. I'm nice, passive and soft spoken because I'm afraid of rejection, I'm afraid of rejection because I'm afraid of being left to myself and alone. I'm afraid of being alone and alienated because I'm not sure I can survive without help from someone else. Because of how my mother treated me now I'm a ball of weak-willed fake-nice dependent individual.

Sorry for the tl;dr.