/jp/ - Otaku Culture

"Doctor! Doctor! Please take a look at my skin"
>"Fine...let me see it."
>The man lifts up his shirt, giving the doctor a good look at his skin
>It's turning every color of the rainbow
>It's beautiful
>It's insane
>The doctor says nothing as she scribbles down notes on her clipboard, only stopping to take small glances again before going back to her clipboard
>"I see...tell me, what have you been doing these past few days?"
"Well, let's see...on Thursday, I went to some restaurant owned by an Indian Ananta...and the day before that, I had gone off my previous medicine..."
"Though, on Friday, I got jumped by some girls, but--"
>"Tell me about that incident. In as much detail as possible."
"Well, let's see...I got jumped by an Ushi-Oni on my way home. And then I went to the bar to drown my frustrations. And then a red Oni propositioned me in the bathroom...And after the affair I started to walk home."
>"I see."
"But on the way home, an Apophis and her Anubis servant both caught me in an alleyway."
"And before I could even get my clothes back on, an especially corrupted succubus caught my scent. And she got my sloppy seconds."
>"...I see...Well, the cause of this problem is obvious. The solution? Even more obvious, I believe."
"What's that?"
>"Get yourself a wife.A strong one. A Jinko, I don't care. One that can protect you."
"Doctor, I don't think any girl will marry me, looking like this."
>"I see. I suppose that's what happens when a man becomes a bike for 5 different girls in one night."

"Doctor, Doctor! My back has been itching a lot, and it kind of hurts to scratch."
>"Really? Let me see it."
>The man pulls off his shirt, revealing severe carpet burns
>Speckled in red and white all along the man's back
>"And your wife is a...?"
"An Manticore, ma'am."
>She nods expectantly
>"I'll prescribe a medical ointment for you to apply to your back every 12 hours. Also..."
>She looks at the man
>"Try to get yourself on top from now on, okay?"

>>12675451
"Doctor, Doctor! The Demon Lord turned my wife into a dragon and--"
>"Our health insurance doesn't cover Demon Lord bullshit. Now get out of my office."
>"Next patient!"