/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>45515820
With a huff, Chizou handed the stick to Kyouko.

"Goro, I'm sorry..." She said, pulling out a carved piece of wood. "... I'm the one who stole the stave you caved all those years ago. I was having fun swinging it around like a sword and broke it on accident. So please, could you tell us what we did to wrong you, to cause you to, well... END UP LIKE THIS!?" She shouted, damaging the hearing of everyone in the room.""

Kyouko handed the stick to old man Kazue, who accepted it graciously, removing some ear plugs as he did.

"I'm sure I could only echo what these women have already said, but I'd like to add that the men of the temple share their concern. That Yakumo woman has been nothing but trouble since I was a lad and you must be careful dealing with her. As for Seija well," He smiled, old wrinkles spreading across his face. "life for a man is filled with hardships, the greatest being woman."

The collective audience of the room stared down the man, who not for a second relented.

"Now, if you'll forgive this old man for prattling on, I have a message from the beyond." He stated, pulling out a scroll. "A missive from your father Goro, to be opened when you found yourself a better half or reached a certain age without one."

Oh no. My father was a quiet man, but that stoicism did not extend to writing.

"Congratulations Goro, I'm sure by this point I'm sitting pretty in the afterlife watching you walk around with a beautiful woman on your arm, jealous as hell. I hate to be a spoilsport, but you are your Mother's son and I notice things about you that could lead down a difficult path, so please carefully listen to what I have to say." old man Kazue coughed, and began.

"If Hijiri set you up, break the engagement immediately. She has no sense for healthy relationships." At this, the monk looked slightly hurt, but not entirely surprised.

"If you happen to be in love with either Shou-san or Kogasa-kun, please disregard everything else I've written here. Shou-san is the only good girl at the temple, despite being a little bit of a drunk and a clutz, which you'll learn to love in a woman. Kogasa-kun was this close to being your new mother, had I not missed your my wife more with each passing day, rare is a girl with low self-esteem and masterful skills like her."

Shou and Kagosa both went flush, the latter looking down in an attempt to remain dignified and the former waved her hands in front of her, trying to communicate a denial of some sort.

"Do not marry a Youkai. I know that having been raised with them since birth, but one day you'll slight one without realizing it and be the first human in some years to be eaten. Being too nice is not a good thing, you'll end up married to some horrible woman like that poor fool who got hitched to the Shrine Maiden. "

I winced. Right on the money.

"If you do have to marry a Youkai, go for broke. Small-time youkai are like dogs who fight over the tastiest scraps while the big shots can defend you from such attacks. I recommend the Flower Youkai because I find imagining you as her house husband hysterical, but be ready to die."

Some of the Youkai in the room rubbed their faces in frustration. Seija just stared, flabbergasted.

"Do not marry a god, they are eccentric obsessives who care about faith above all else. If you do marry a god, bed them every morning and every night, put in the cardio so they don't have time to think about how they could find a more loyal worshipper. Except if it's the pestilence god, just give up on that one son."

Joon slapped her face.

"Do not marry a hermit. They are psychopaths. Seriously, don't even think about it, not even that pink one who acts all nice around the village. Just trust me on this."

It's times like these I miss him the most.

"While I'm thinking about it, don't get hitched to the village teacher either. She's a good girl and all, just know she's been that way since I was a lad. Treat her kindly though, she is an angel."

I should really check-in on Keine, she probably knows some historical precedent for Sagehood as well ...

"Do not marry anyone for curves or any blondes. I speak from experience when I tell you that it'll lead you to ruin although I love your mother with all my heart. That, and we must get blonde hair out of our family line as soon as possible."

I rubbed Seija's black hair, appreciating it. I didn't go so far with her chest however.

"If you're still single at this point, I recommend marrying the Shrine Maiden's daughter so long as she inherited her Father's temperament and not her Mother's. She likely has a hard life ahead of her and could use the support. On that subject, stay away from scary woman who isolate you. You'll worry the temple women."

"Hello there you must be the groom"
"Oh no need to worry, you don't know me, my name is Byakuren Hijiri and i'm a big supporter of youkai and human relationships, i just dropped by to give my congratulations to you and the bride"
"Where is she anywa-wha-YOU?!"