/jp/ - Otaku Culture

(3/4)
—
It's been twenty anxiety-ridden minutes.

The day passes and the sun moves closer to the horizon, preparing for yet another sleep. My fidgety hands gripping the jar of souls occasionally play with it, either by prodding the glass—Marisa's kids always come flying towards the sound. Cute~—or simply by gazing at it in the dying sunlight, the stunning blue hues refracting endlessly. To my side sits a bunch of sugarcane stalks wrapped in a cloth I had around… Nothing stops the weights that slump my shoulders; what's Marisa doing? Did she misinterpret my words…? It was quite an uncomfortable conversation—though I'd be lying if I'd deny the levity that comes with letting all those repressed feelings be known by someone else—Marisa, especially.

She was the first person I could ever trust, and having that trust back is… Impossible to put into words.

It heightens the peace that is the thought of burning to ashes.

My thumb caresses the glass, eyes narrowing as something bitter echoes inside—I wonder how these three will look when they grow up: will they have Marisa's traits? Or be lucky enough to stand taller than a crouched Nitori~?

… The source of bitterness clashes directly with that peace.

Not like I'll be around to know—

“—I'm back!” In an instant, Marisa drops from the sky and lands by the veranda, panting and her face flushed scarlet from sweat accumulated on her forehead. I frown, looking at the bags she carries with her, already knowing what she has in mind: gardening utensils, from a hoe to fertilizer, all incredibly heavy for someone like her. She perceives my glare and points the broom towards me, a massive—almost despaired—smile taking over her exhausted face. “Oi, no sulking-ze; winter or spring, magic can solve everything! Just don't tell Letty~”

“Marisa…” I wipe my forehead and sigh, but Marisa ignores me completely and motions for me to follow.

“We still have some sunlight, so hurry up, Reimu! I saw a good patch from up there, really close too~” She thus takes the lead. A tense note flares in my eyes, but I can't help but stare at her jar-babies in my arms.

… Then smile a little. “Your mother is stubborn as hell. I'm sorry for you~” Absentmindedly picking up the cane, I follow Marisa into the forest behind the shrine, the ordinary magician talking about this and that, topics that barely register. Shamefully, I recognize this tactic—I employed it a lot in the past… I wonder what she expects to gain from this; nothing is changing the past or the pact I've made, and even if possible, my mind is already made. Everything will be undoubtedly needed to win against Yukari and fight Koutei and Kasen—Oni and Sage—without killing them. These powers exist for a motive, a role to fill, and I will make sure to use them to the last drop—

—A gust of wind causes me to shield my eyes with my forearm as the air becomes saturated with magic. Cleared of snow and debris, this cozy little patch of dark soil revealed itself, with temperatures suddenly rising as Marisa recites words from a grimoire she holds. “What’s this magic…?”

“Summer simulation. It's quite the tough cookie, but Patchy briefed me on it~” She closes the grimoire with a strained sigh, hand rubbing her eyes—

—W-Wait, what?! “Patchy…? As in Patchouli Knowledge?”

“Who else has such a silly nickname for a pompous name~?” She jokes and shoves a book into my hands... Tropical fruits and vegetables layered the cover, the tag of the Suzunnan on the side. “… I recently begged her for forgiveness, you know?” What…? Wide-eyed, I stare as Marisa picks the jar from my hands so I'm not overburdened with the cane and the book. She looks pensive. “I returned all the books I stole from her and groveled for absolution. I didn't think I'd get it at first-ze, but it'd be better to live knowing I had tried after so many years… Not trying.” She giggles, rubbing her cheek on the glass. “She accepted me and kinda became my teacher, even allowing me to use the Voilé as I pleased. It was very nice of her, and… Taught me something.” Carefully placing the jar in a secure spot—her broom—Marisa picked up the hoe before peering directly at me. “As you live and breathe, there's always time to pursue better things. Better life, better relationships…” Her eyes were resolute. “A better future.”

I sigh, limbs trembling from confused frustration, heart clenching. How can't she see?! I cannot change this! I don't want another—'better'—future because this one is the best one I'll ever get… I've changed; of course I did, but the past has not, and doesn't matter what I do or try to do…

… The Hakurei Shrine will always end empty, regardless of my efforts.

It's atonement for the past—for my mistakes.

A life so they can have theirs in peace. Never suicide.

… And yet…

Yet…

Looking into her golden eyes, hearing her words…

W-Would it be okay…?

… Shakily, I open the book, my eyes skimming the index—as Anon taught me—and soon find the dedicated page for cultivating sugarcane.