/jp/ - Otaku Culture

These are some very good arguments.
However, counter argument: I love my human wife

It was so close to winter now, the animals and youkai were feasting on what slim pickings they could and returning to their dens and holes for the winter while they still had time and you honestly envied them. Living with Reimu's tendencies was tedious and you couldn't remember the last time since the start of this autumn when you felt anything really, only your occasional meet ups with Aunn let you feel the warmth you once you felt with those close to you. Despite her earnest company the feelings of happiness didn't last longer then a second, thoughts of what you had to do and what situation you were in would tear it back down in a second. Going to the village was a somber affair, but you had to after all now that Reimu had calmed down you had to purchase lumber that was usable to fix up the damaged doorways and paper to patch to the holes along with other handyman items for future repairs for the season. All hope was generally lost for you and the overcast skies only helped you see things in the gray monotone that the world presented itself to you in, the woman that once gave you so much joy simply drained all emotions every time you saw her.
Ever since that day you faced Reimu's inner demon at her worst the dagger didn't come out again, the violent miko stopped drinking and her temper checked itself so you didn't really have a need but the emotional damage was done already. You were sure that no matter what the red and white miko did she would never truly change for long so it was all you could do too support her with faked and practiced emotions. You believed you pulled yourself together nicely enough and devoted yourself to handling Reimu's frequent emotional outbursts with a shoulder to cry on, ears to listen, and words to soothe but it seemed like the further your emotions receded the more and more these outbursts happened.
Oddly enough you soon found yourself utterly detached and going through the motions and you were somewhat shocked to find yourself hoping that Reimu would start drinking again or get stressed enough to take your dagger up willingly this time. Aside from the duty you set yourself up for you couldn't find any real reason to keep going, you knew that some would miss you, Aunn would, Kasen and Marisa who when you spotted in the village picking up supplies would chat with you till time forced you to part but honestly even despite the love you felt from them it wasn't enough to change your reality and duty. Your hell was one of your own making after all, knowing that it could all collapse again despite Reimu's improvement sapped your will and brought to mind your own failures in preventing this situation which ran through your mind unceasingly with only sleep being your only reprieve.
It seemed that after the chores were done and meals made you spent all day in bed, staring at nothing and stewing in your own thoughts when you couldn't banish them and focus on nothing but letting time pass. You wouldn't burden anyone else with the storm of pain that ran around your head, couldn't after all as the ones around you had enough of their own problems and soon enough thanks to your efforts it seemed Reimu stopped her outbursts and despite the obvious strength it took she started tempering her anger at the small things that bothered her learning to deal with them without taking them out on others. The toll it took from you to stick with it and get her there had already destroyed you however and soon all you could think about was the "what if" of that night where you got her to use the well worn dagger and you found that the most pleasant dreams you had as of late was the fantasy of the dagger plunging into you, nicking a major artery and letting you rest finally or maybe expiring that night in the late spring with the rain choking you to death as your blood poured out from the wound in your head.
You knew it wasn't healthy but those were the only thoughts that paradoxically comforted you in the increasingly surreal waking nightmare of seeing the women that once loved you struggle to contain herself in an empty and barren shrine that held none of the warmth it once did in any sense of the word. What made you feel worse is that sometimes you weren't able to entirely hold back your own internal struggle in tone and conversation and you could see it weigh on Reimu not to mention poor sweet little Aunn who deserved none of this, but you didn't see a way out of a future of watching Reimu relapse and recover and the idea of not being able to rest and being bound with your vows burdened you more and more and the "till death do us part" felt so attractive that it seemed to be what filled your thoughts when not busy. You couldn't just end it and you knew it however as suicide was not something the Yama looked kindly upon and while hell wasn't such a bad place, you've visited there after all, to end your own life or walk into some youkai's path was only breaking your vows.
There was no way out for you.