/jp/ - Otaku Culture

"Um, if you don't mind, Miss Hearn, we were going to say Kagerou Imaizumi." Yamame piped up. "I think she lives in the Bamboo Forest, but..." Yamame did a funny sort of gesture with her hands, and Hearn stared at her for a moment. "It was, um, snowing hard."

"Yes, I know, dear." Hearn told her. "Ran? Probabilities, if you please." She looked over at Ran, who had entered the room and placed her bag on the counter. "Where is our lost little wolf?"

Ran stepped forward, her hands behind her back. She stared for a moment, a scowl on her face. "Seventy-eight-point-four percent chance that she stays home."

"And the rest?" Hearn had a slight smile on her face, like she was enjoying showing off Ran's calculative abilities.

"Twenty-two-point-six percent chance that she goes to the village." Ran continued. "From there, a thirty-six-point-nine percent chance that she goes to the café. A twenty-four-point-one percent chance that she goes to the bookstore." She paused for a moment.

"And the forty-nine?" Hearn prompted, though I was certain that she already knew the answer.

"Forty-eight-point-eight percent chance that she goes to the Hieda mansion." The Hieda? I asked why. "Ninety-eight percent chance that she is asking when Hieda no Akyuu will produce another instalment in the Gensokyo Chronicle." That old history book of hers? I only felt more confused now. "She is worried that her-"
"Okay, that's enough, Ran. It's not entirely relevant, and I believe that Akyuu's not planning any work of the sort at the moment." Hearn said lazily. "Now, that's a few possibilities." She waved her hand and several gaps opened up. "Home...Empty." One of the gaps snapped shut. "Bookstore...Empty." Another shut. "Café...No. Hieda...No. Hmm..." She thought for a moment longer. "Ran, what was that point-two percent chance that you didn’t mention?"

Here, Ran's scowl increased in severity. "Point-two percent chance that she is accosted by the villager known as Kotohime." I felt my jaw drop. Surely it wasn't that?

"Ah, there she is!" Hearn cheerfully told me, pointing out a new gap, through which I could see Kotohime performing one of her signature interrogations on Kagerou in a snowy alley somewhere in the village. As I stared, Kotohime began to try and pin her to the floor so she could attach handcuffs to her. "What fantastic odds! Perhaps I should buy a lottery ticket, Ran."

"Your chances of winning are zero-point-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-ze-" Ran began.

"Yes, yes, I get the point." Hearn waved a hand dismissively. "You never win, it's an idiot tax, blah-blah-blah..." She looked at Yamame and I and rolled her eyes like we were in on the joke. "Well, off you pop, you two. Remember, tell Reimu once you've got a date picked, so she can tell Ran."

"Wait, a date for wh-" Yamame began, then disappeared through a gap placed on the very seat she was sitting on. I opened my mouth, but was immediately given the same treatment. This time, as I fell through the Boundary, I spotted Yamame ahead of me, and then I spotted Chen chasing after her. I yelled a thank you for telling Ran that we were gone, though I didn't get a chance to hear a response before I was slamming into the cold snow. A second later, what I assumed was Yamame slammed into my back. I groaned as my body registered the ache, and she wasn't all too far behind me. Fortunately, the arm holding Kagerou's hood had managed to avoid being crushed, though I wasn't sure how snow proof it was, either.

Sighing, I looked up and saw that Kotohime was currently clinging to Kagerou's back, her handcuffs clutched tightly, and Kagerou was trying to throw her off. Neither of these things were actually happening at the current moment, because both had frozen and resorted to simply staring at us like we'd grown extra heads. "So," Yamame began painfully, "I've got your hood." I weakly lifted the box before letting my arm fall again.

I consoled myself by thinking that, as far as delivery methods went, slamming face first into the ground was at least fairly entertaining for the recipient.