/jp/ - Otaku Culture

Shou. Sometimes I wonder.

I wonder why we were meant to be. Why we were meant to meet each other. Were we destined long ago by the ancient gods of Gensokyo to cross paths? Was it fate that brought me to you? I don't like to believe that. I believe that everyone has a chance to decide their future. We have the will to change it. But... can I truly change something like this? If so... why can't I? Why must I endure the pain? The suffering? The ambient hope that slowly breaks my spirit as if I were a solid, cold stone slowly eroding as time passes. The clock ticks. The days go by. My very being continues to deteriorate before my eyes.

Shou, Shou, I think I love you. Who am I kidding, of course I do! Not a day goes by without me thinking about you. Every single day, I look at you. Into your eyes. And those golden jewels stare back at me. And your smile. The smile that makes me happy that you're happy, but also kills me inside. To see that you don't love me back. That your smile is only a smile. A smile of friendship. And nothing more. Every night, I lay on my bed staring up at the ceiling. Thinking. Will tomorrow be the day you'll love me? It's my nature to get my hopes up. As stubborn as I am, I always seem to convince myself that you'll fall for me one day. But you never do. And I die a little inside. Every day. Every month. For so many years that I've lost count.