/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>43476625
>You shouldn't have been attracted to the idea of a stalker anyways.
Oh...

Reimu had something on her mind, that much was clear anyways. However she didn't seem to want to broach the subject even when you two were alone and that made the anticipation almost unbearable. It was night now, you and Reimu had some rare alone time out on the veranda while Kasen and Marisa were off in their rooms sensing the atmosphere and giving you two some space. There were few words passed between you two as the heat from the tea drifted gently up into the cold night becoming visible under the weak moonlight.
Letting Reimu compose herself and find her words you let your eyes wonder across the yard in front of you, the snow was thick on the ground in front of you only disturbed here and that by footfalls from earlier that preserved those moments until the next snowfall saw fit to erase them. The light seemed to scatter endlessly upon the the thick powder amplifying the moon's faint glow and letting you clearly make out the smaller details that played across your troubled wife's face as you glanced over. As you sipped at your tea your own thoughts were rather anxious, every man would dread such a situation when your wife would 'want to talk' after all.
You knew her long enough to tell that she was in a rut and while you've never been the best with words like this, you knew you had to hurry things along before you got frostbite through your padded footwraps. You let your arms rest in your lap, teacup in your hands keeping them warm through the pottery and spoke, "Reimu... Its okay to say what you're thinking, i'll hear you out no matter what.". Reimu accepted your words and it seemed to put her at ease a bit as she nodded slightly, after a bit of hesitation she opened her mouth seemingly intent on actually stating her thoughts this time.
"Its just... I can never tell if you're actually happy... With me or with anything anymore..." Reimu shifted a bit uncomfortably where she sat on the cold wood, "The only times I see you smile anymore is when you're around... anyone else but me...". Silence fell at her words as they gently puffed to vapor and before you could form a reply she continued, "I know... I know I don't have any right to say this but I want you to be happy around me again!". Reimu looked up at you with those expectant eyes, eyes that would've once made you drink poison if she asked sweetly enough, but now they moved you little as any emotions you could've let yourself feel were crushed under the leaden weight of the knowledge of the demon that lurked inside her.
You breathed in deeply, enjoying the sting of cold in your lungs before the air was quickly warmed by your body and you exhaled visibly, you knew this talk was coming eventually in some form at least. Despite that the moment still threw you off, you may not have practiced any speeches but you had a general idea of what to say at least. You gazed at the raven haired miko, her hair jet black seemed to absorb the pale glow of the moon only to be contrasted by her fair face and the white bits of cloth on those little hairtubes she habitually wore that shone brightly in spite of the dim moonlight. You opened your mouth, your tone was gentle but unashamed as it was a truth you long accepted, "Honestly, i'm terrified of you. I know that when I turn my back for even a second your true nature will resurface. What scares me the most? Its that I know if I try loving you again then when that times comes i'll once again get caught up in your pace and go back to being a coward...". Your gaze was unflinching, it was something that had to be said after all if you were going to move the two of you past this roadblock.
Reimu's abused eyes hurt you in a way you didn't think you could still be hurt, it reminded you of times past when you came home all those months ago or before she let her demons take control and she was overcome by the horrors of her job. You still had to continue however, "After I came home, after you... tried to kill me..." Reimu's couldn't maintain eye contact at those words and let hers fall to the ground in unmistakable guilt, "I still loved you enough to care, at times I had to pretend otherwise to help you but then you once again started with your old habits.". You felt cold inside much like the wind that sapped your physical warmth as you recalled those times, "It was that night when you were drink... no before that, when you started trying to subtly intimidate me that I realized you wouldn't change." you sipped at your warm tea to wet your drying throat, "Reimu... I want to love you again without having to worry but I know that a year from now or more you'll go back to it if I drop my guard."
You took another sip from your tea warming your body at its core, silence pervaded the area around you as it seemed even the wind lost to the sad and cold words that escaped your mouth. Reimu was silent for awhile after that with her eyes watering, "so thats why... why you keep trying to die... It really is my fault isn't it...?"