/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>46813407
(2/3)
—
“Say, Anon…” An abrupt voice jolts me out of my stupor, and I turn to see Reimu sitting on our futon by the lit stove, a collection of warm oranges and yellows gracing her silhouette and Hana's against the darkness of the shrine, our small girl sprawled on her mother's knees and sleeping soundly under a bunch of blankets, tenderly holding onto Aunn, who also sleeps, their faces touching slightly. My back is against the kitchen's wall, and the kotatsu's blanket is over my shoulders, keeping a little distance away to give Reimu some space. As my drowsiness subsides, I see her missing arm—not a dream, Jesus... “Would you give me a second chance?” She asks, uncaring about her arm but rather having her eyes on Hana—eyes that bore a mother's warmth uncensored.

Those final words, however, ring all the alarms in my mind.

“W-What are you… R-Reimu, what happened? W-What are you talking about?” Is this some sort of trap…?

The lack of arm, cut so thoroughly as if by something sharper than any sword, makes me wanna puke—

— “The pain I caused you is great, and you've been hiding it all for quite a while now, haven't you?” I freeze, hands clutching tightly to the blanket, heart frantic and sweat makes my skin itch. “All Because you want Hana to grow up happy. You'd go to any lengths to protect her childhood; give her the happiness she deserves… Our little daughter.” Examples from the past overlaid her words: often desperate cries for forgiveness for every disgrace she would bring forth.

Reimu just stares at Hana, her only hand gently caressing the threads of brown, her face calm. No disgusting begging, no manipulation clear as day that I'd fall anyway—but… there's love there. Love that I saw before adorning her finger with a ring. “Reimu, I…” There is massive pushback, both physical and mental, and my breathing becomes tenser with each passing second, the only sound being the soft crackling of the fire. This body knows what'll come if it disrespects her or tries to 'betray' her. It's so sudden, too; I still feel the phantom sensation of her body in my arms… And the seconds pass.

They pass and pass in stillness.

Puzzled, I look at Reimu, a feeling unknown overtaking me…

Why is she…?

… She patiently waited, meeting my eyes and smiling briefly, her hand stopping caressing Hana's hair. “There's no need for haste, Anon—despite, ugh, fruits~” She stutters a little, the shadow of a Reimu I knew appearing in that awkward smile, playful eyes on Hana. “Haste is just no good… Especially now,” she sighs, swinging what remains of her arm. “Well, I guess you'll have to get a job at the village again.” I blink. H-Huh…? “You could work at the Geidontei, your food rocks; or perhaps try the Suzunnan—that poor waif, Suzu, works so hard~—; or maybe teach at the Temple School? Nah, not good that last one; you'd surely embarrass Hana by being super supportive.” She snickers and, before I can understand it, I giggle too. “Or just outright manual labor; you're on the strong side, after all… Anything you choose is good.”

Simple words, but a unique, odd thrill rises inside—one I‘d forgotten I could feel. “I… I will see what I can do.”

“The shrine needs some renovations, too, so I guess I'll be the one fixing it—should start the heavy reforms by spring, so this winter will be dedicated to smaller stuff… Do you wanna something? Like, a painted wall?”

Silence permeates, thick as molasses. Reimu doesn't demand an answer; just waits calmly…

I stare at her, ruminating on those words she'd said before about forgiveness and second chances. Merely tasting the concepts towards her floods my mouth with bitterness—years of abuse, of the loss of the dream of a happy marriage, of isolation…

Why would I give her any kind of forgiveness if not out of fear of what may happen to Hana? What may happen to me?

Reimu doesn't deserve forgiveness…

… And yet, the way she holds Hana and Aunn, the kind and sweet smile on that face, a posture straight and confidence behind movements unseen before—gone was the paranoia—and the way she makes my heart still pound…

“What happened to you?” I ask, anxious.

“I died.”

… I stare, flabbergasted.

“But I came back. I'm still flesh and bone, not a spooky ghost~” I don't laugh. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have. “… All I had in my afterlife were thoughts of my family, of the sins I committed, things I wish I'd done; love that I should've given… There were so many regrets that I decided to come back and, ugh, do b-better, I guess?”

I blink, stupefied. She guesses, huh…?

… Wow…

My hands join and I stare at shadows, echoes beating those walls—of pain and rape, of a life that'd crumbled to dust. My fingers, unconsciously, ran around and ended up rubbing the surface of my wedding band… I take one glance and, in the fire, her wedding band refracts a beautiful hue.

Tired, all I can do is sigh, “… Green.” Her ears perk up. “Our room’s walls would be prettier if they were a mossy green.”

Reimu smiles.

I explained what had happened to me in the time since Reimu had last seen me over a cup of tea and sat under Reimu's nice, new kotatsu. She'd taken particular interest in the big party that the Kurodani family had hosted in the Hot Springs Town, mostly to smack me on the arm and tell me off for not inviting her, since it was an opportunity to eat a lot and get drunk without having to tidy everything up again afterwards. I'd not actually been to a party that Reimu had hosted, but I'd certainly seen the aftermath of one so I understood her point.

Since Yamame hadn't yet arrived, Reimu took the opportunity to question me some more. "So...this marriage plan of yours..." I awkwardly scratched my head with a slight laugh and got to explaining how I'd broken the news to Kisami, who'd immediately taken it to an extreme. "So, that Kisami is a jeweller?" Reimu asked me. "She can make rings? That's why you were on the mountain, isn't it? For materials? She tried to explain some of it but she really wasn't in much of a state to make sense, so I didn't really get much out of it." I took a sip of my tea and once more marvelled at how good it was. “Had any ideas about the rings?” Reimu asked me. I thought about it. I’d had an idea about asking Kisami if she could somehow incorporate the golden bands that wrapped around Yamame’s dress into it, but I didn’t know if it was a feasible idea yet, let alone if she would like it. Maybe when I actually got a chance to talk to her properly, I’d know for sure. Then, I asked Reimu just how Kisami had been when she'd shown up.

Reimu laughed a little. "Never seen someone so panicked before, and I've seen a lot of panicky youkai - Kogasa's still freaking out about you, by the way. Still thinks that you're a ghost coming to haunt her despite me telling her that you were fine." That sounded concerning and a little sad. I wondered if I should try and find her myself so I could set the record straight, but I supposed that it would have to wait until I had the time. Given everything else I was trying to get done, I doubted that the time would come soon. “She’s not usually fixated on something for this long, actually.” Reimu continued, resting her chin on her interlocked fingers. “I think she’s still convinced that someone’s going to attack her.”

"Anyway, Kisami showed up here, tears streaming down her face and banging on the door to the Hall of Worship instead of my actual living area. I guess she's not been up around here before." I supposed that made sense. "I thought she was some youkai who'd gotten lost or something, so I just came out and yelled at her until she calmed down." That was very Reimu, I decided. "Once she had, I asked her what exactly she thought the point of a youkai coming to the Shrine way since officially my job is to exterminate youkai who cause trouble." Reimu scratched her head and shrugged. "Good think I didn't. She was babbling about being up on the mountain or something, but she did get your name out." I breathed out happily. I knew that Kisami was reliable, even though she seemed so flighty and airy at times. "Then that fox showed up, I beat her up for a bit because she's always doing something to deserve it, and she revealed that the tengu had arrested you."

I nodded sheepishly. It really had been a bit stupid of me to assume that there would be no repercussions to walking straight through tengu territory to reach the Rainbow Dragon Cave, especially when I had known that I didn't actually have a way to get through the cave. "Oh, yeah...About that. Why didn't you just come and ask me?" Reimu demanded an answer and when I was unable to give one, she slapped me in the back of the head. "Oh, you stupid-" She cut herself off and sighed heavily. "I was right here! I was stood out by the torii gate when that big booming sound happened by the mountain! You could have had that Kisami fly you straight here, and I've - Look!" She got up and stomped off down the hallway, though it didn't stop her from shouting at me. "And you didn't tell Yamame where you were going! What were you thinking!? What if you'd gotten lost and froze somewhere!?" I didn't really need Reimu making me feel worse than I already did, but I knew she cared. She stomped back into the room, brandishing a card. It was exactly what I'd expected, with a magatama design on it. "This is all you needed!" She told me crossly, dropping back down next to me. She slammed the card on the top of the kotatsu, then threw the blanket that she'd wrapped around my shoulders around both of us. I wondered if that had also come from Hearn's box of tricks, since it looked newer than most of the things in the Shrine. I supposed Ran could have supplied it too, though. "Honestly, I'd like to keep you safe, but I can't really do that when I never even know where you are."