>>34889603
I can empathize with feeling anxiety when seeing your favorite games, especially since they're competitive ones. I used to feel a ton of anxiety when booting up FFXI because I didn't know if I was going to have good or bad social interactions that day, and honestly, the bad ones hurt more than the good ones felt good. I had an even worse problem with Dota 2, which is why I quit. Grinding MMR just isn't fun and at some point you forget you're even playing a game, surrounded by people who aren't having fun and are all angry at each other. It's just not worth it. I understand a big reason people play games is to overcome challenges, but getting that fix by playing against other players is a mistake, unless you're someone with a strong psyche, because you're going to lose about as often as you win. Speedrunning or trying to 100% complete games is a much better alternative if negative emotions hit you hard. Or simply playing casual, high player count games where winning and losing is irrelevant, like TF2, then you can just focus on yourself.
Unfortunately, it sounds like she accidentally got herself in the position of being "the Apex streamer" or something, and so she played it more than she wanted to out of fear that people wouldn't show up to other streams - which is kind of true. You stream stuff, you become known for that stuff, so if you care about numbers, you'll keep doing that stuff. But that's a mistake, I think, your true fans will stay to watch other things.
She seems to hesitatingly focus on hurtful comments, though, aimed at why she's absent, and emphasizes that she's not graduating or being lazy. I'm surprised those comments hurt her so much since those "fans" obviously don't care about her and some of her closest friends, Ayame and Shion, fucking never stream and they do just fine.
This makes me wonder if the hurtful comments in question were a bit deeper than that.