/jp/ - Otaku Culture

So there is an active partner and a passive partner, which causes various flow on effects. You can't have "Whoo-hoo! Go for it!" sex because both partners are constrained by their roles. The passive partner (obviously) because she can't move, and the active partner because he has to take care of the passive partner, instructing her on what to do and exerting himself so that she has a good time.

Japanese guys are generally more stressed out by sex than western guys and that is because they are responsible for the sex; as the active male, the sex is their burden, they have to do everything, it's all up to them. Sex equates not only (sometimes not even primarily) with 'fun' or 'pleasure', it also equates with 'work' and 'obligation'.

I also can't emphasise enough just how passive the passive partner is. The way a woman kisses is by submissively opening her mouth, not moving her tongue unless she is cued to do so; if she's really feminine she won't open her mouth at all, until she's told to. Sometimes women will move around a (very) little during sex, but mostly not at all. The slang term for a woman who lies completely still in bed is maguro (tuna). For me, with my western sensibilities and preconceptions, calling someone a 'tuna' in bed sounds like an insult, conjuring up images of cold dead fish, but in Japan that word has a very positive connotation. Tuna's an expensive delicacy.

Part of what was so bamboozling the first time I had sex in Japan was that I didn't know there was a Way of Sex, with strict gendered roles, and I just was happily doing my own thing, throwing my partner into total confusion. Seiji told me much later that dating me made him feel like he was gay, because I was active in bed, and he couldn't connect that with anything except masculinity.