/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>45746201
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Me, sensei, and Aunn had left Alice's house almost ten minutes ago to brave the dark, cold skies of winter towards the Shrine, the travel silent and though Aunn kept close to me, my heart pounded all the way with cryptic speculation—it'll be all the same: an uncared-for dump without Father to fix things up, overgrown taking over; wood rotten and an acrid smell all over… But it'll be safe. At least that's what everyone believes in—fear grows rampant inside, as no one would stay with me since they must contact their other allies to concoct a plan for the Solstice fast; I said I'd okay alone, of course, I don’t want to burden them anymore—though a silly ember flicks inside, wishing things had changed; that Mother fixed the Shrine… As if…

I looked at sensei—one hand steering the broom and the other holding a bag filled with my presents, even the unwrapped ones, and sleeping essentials—, feeling lost, confused, exasperated, hopeless: I have seen this situation so many times…

… I remember Mother's eyes; their gleam.

Shaken, too.

The shrine was visible on the horizon, a decently lit fire amidst the darkness. “Here we are,” Sensei mutters as my heart tries to jump off my mouth, eyes widening and Aunn's hand on mine so tight—

Then we got close, and I was speechless.

… The shrine was repaired.

Even if covered under thin layers of snow, the changes were instantly noticeable. W-What the…?

We landed by the Torii gate and, frightened, I touched it—gasping and taking a step back. “H-Hana?!” Aunn jumped at my reaction. Sensei watched her surroundings wide-eyed.

“I-It's new—entirely new wood and paint… And the seals…” The sealing magic inside was unlike anything I've ever seen or felt, a complete contrast with the past, where the magic inside the gates was absent because Mother never bothered with it… But this? “… It's staggering—so much stronger than Yukari's sealing barriers inside the Fake Shrine.” I left the Torii gates with a confusing, ablaze feeling rumbling inside my stomach, looking around with doe-eyes; the path up and towards the Shrine had been entirely remade, not an ounce of overgrown in sight—

I stopped in front of the stairs by the donation box, hand trembling before gently touching the wood of the rails; the pylons; the walls…

… Everything was new. Made by her hands. Maintained with care.

Sensei whistled. “Reimu has kept herself busy…” Aunn nodded, her face contorted in a frown—a waggling tail revealing her true feelings about the sight of the revamped Hakurei Shrine. Somehow I doubted even the roof tiles were the same.

I can't help but remember a passage from one of Agatha's poems:

'Over time, a ship is fixed by replacing its parts. At one point, every part had been replaced. Is it still the same ship as before, or a new one?'

As always, she didn't answer, expecting the reader to do it… Nightmares echo inside, the crack of wood against flesh and bone, tears hitting the ground, the moaning of sinful pleasure—all the same in a parody of this place, a parody I partook in…

No matter how much it changes on the outside, it's still the same ship.

Sensei's hand lands on my shoulder and Aunn stands by my side, giving me worried eyes—warmth cascades down my face. “Nothing, just… Remembered some bad things.” I clean the tears and sensei is about to say something, probably along the lines of 'we don't need to do this', but inside a flame rages all of a sudden—of pride? Compassion…?

Or of vindication?

A flame that sees all this change and all it can utter is: 'lie'. A leading flame. “I'm okay.” Expression contorting in determination, feelings waging a war inside of me, I knock on the door…

Nothing…

Sensei knocks, her frown creased. “Oi, Reimu! Open this!” Nothing. “I know you know we're here—open this fucking door!”

Nothing. For minutes, nothing.

The flames inside roar. Doesn't she want to see me? After giving that show and begging for forgiveness…?

Who does that woman think she is?!

My fists tremble as hot tears well behind my eyes, mind consumed by a desire to turn tail and never come here again—run away from the venomous feeling of betrayal—, but something inside my heart holds me, and instead of keep knocking, I stomp hard around the shrine, making my way to the back door in the veranda, sensei to my side miming my actions. “I'm so sorry, Hanarin…” she whispers, her face trembling to hide a mass of feelings. Aunn whimpers, tail lowered and embarrassed—

—?

Was the backyard always so… bright?

From the skies and through the tarp of darkness, it just looked like torches, but torches don't shine so brilliantly. A supernatural feeling fills my heart as my pace turns shy, something in the very air compelling me to walk forward; hands sweating; and—

Turning the corner, I just…freeze at the sight: a massive ‘cocoon’ of scarlet fire floats on the Shrine's pond, reflecting on the petrol blue of the water like a radiant pyre.

I whisper the only word that comes into my mind: “Mother…?”