/jp/ - Otaku Culture

Okay, I finally did it and compiled my "Sumadera family did it" theory into a single document. It's long as shit, reads like an essay, but fuck it, it's my attempt to explain all the shit that's gone on in Umineko with the knowledge available to us. If you want the abridged version, here it is: Kyrie and Gohda did it with help from the outside. But here we go...

This theory assumes that Kyrie is a lying whore when it comes to her supposed 'hatred' of her family. Basically, she's been trained to do one thing: have a child with an Ushiromiya, who would go on to become the legitimate heir of the fortune. Then the Sumadera family would assassinate all other Ushiromiyas, then absorb the heir into the Sumadera family. How this would work out? Fuck if I know, that's not the point.

The point is that all of this did in fact work out. Kyrie seduced Rudolf and had Battler at the same time Asumu had Battler as well. Well, this didn't work out quite nicely, so a few backroom deals were done at the hospital, Asumu's baby was switched with Kyrie's baby, and Asumu's original baby was killed and made to look like it died naturally. Or maybe it really did die naturally. Who knows. In the end, Kyrie's baby is given to Asumu and she raises him to be the Battler that we all know.

Fast forward to 6 years prior to the events at Rokkenjima. Asumu dies, Rudolf marries Kyrie, everyone's quite happy (especially the Sumaderas), with the exception of Battler. He becomes so angry at his father's rapid remarriage that he forfeits his right to the fortune by leaving the family. This obviously causes some serious shit with the Sumaderas. Their sole link to the family just decided to run off and destroy all of their intricate plans to get rich. This pisses them off to high hell.

>>2927600
same

Kyrie, she's awesome. And if she can't cook then nothing changes, because my real mom can't cute either.

>>2900261

I'd flip her onto my bed, if you know what I mean. Fuck yeah, reverse trap mom.

Something just popped up to me. I was listening to Mozart (I saw a link to Requiem in D Minor on /rs/, and I'd had that music stolen from me before, so I downloaded it), and I noticed that the second song is titled 'Kyrie'. As in, "Kýrie, eléison".

Lord, have mercy, in Latin. If you look at the statement in Greek, it could also be a prayer of thanksgiving for the Lord being merciful. That sure sounds similar to the Hebrew written on the first magic circle.

And here I'd just seen her name and thought 'oh, Japanese name because she's a Sumadera'.

Umineko has some great milfs.

>>2240902

That would be awesome.