/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>47034682
there is nothing more erotic than a plain shrine maiden

>>46949502—1/4
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Still, how do I explain something I don't understand?

Marisa's unnervingly loud cracker-chewing annoys me as much as it did thirty years ago, yet it reminds me of a simpler period of life, when prospects felt as deep as the cup of tea in my hands and worries were few… The revitalized Hakurei Shrine, the bare trees of yet another winter, the wrinkles on Marisa's face, and even the first indications of a discoloration that not even she can see among her golden strands are all tangible reminders of those bygone times. More than everything, the passage of time sat between us in the form of three souls wading mindlessly in the effervescent magical slurry.

I blink and, turning away from her to look at the pond, it finally dawns on me—took all the way from the party to now, huh…?

Marisa is building a family, just like I built mine a little over two decades ago.

… Two decades.

It's been two decades since we were just teenagers.

I drain the warm tea, then bite half a cracker. Marisa sneezes and cleans her nose on the sleeve of her winterfied outfit—yuck…

Two decades…

“I turned 40 last month.” The words come softly, eyes narrowing and moving away from Marisa; her sudden silence reveals enough about her reaction. I scarfed the rest of my rice cracker and drank some tea before continuing, my hand smeared with bran rising to clutch my scarf lightly, seeking solace among these perplexing thoughts and emotions. “It was a fairly uneventful day. I hunted and gathered, then came back to smoke some meat for winter. I lit a fire and slept the day away on the kotatsu… But I didn't do only that. I found a wild patch of sugarcane.” An unsure slime comes forward. “Weird, isn't it? Anon—when Hana was still a baby—tried to start a small farm outside the shrine grounds, saying that he wanted to plant those; teach Hana how to peel them with a big knife and all that. He was giddy with excitement as he showed me sketches of it and talked endlessly about planting various exotic plants, even ‘mangoes’~” The smile lasts little. “However, we soon learned at the Suzunnan that most of what he wanted to plant doesn't grow in Gensokyo. Poor climate or something… I wonder what's going on in the Outside World that, all of a sudden, they do.” I try lifting my cup, but I find it tough to move my hands.

“Times change fast… Before you know it, nothing’s the same.” Marisa muses, letting her arms rest on her thighs, a tinge of red on her face, likely from the cold—though it didn't diminish the perceptive look in her eyes. “What did you do to the sugarcane?”

“I harvested it. It was right there, prime and nice. It'd be a waste to let the coming winter bury it, y'know?” I finally manage to drink from my cup, hands shaking if by a little; a shake that disappears as the left one tucks harder in my scarf, enjoying the warmth there; words forming in the back of my throat yet not leaving; a… vulnerable feeling overtaking me. I haven't felt like this since that day with Ran by the donation box.

“Ah, so that's our problem, huh?” Marisa groans, attracting my attention. What the hell is she talking about…? “Man, I had forgotten your talent for dramatics-da-ze~” She then laughs before picking the last cracker and munching with an open mouth—

“—Oi, chew with your mouth closed!” I remark; she shows me her tongue like a goddamn child, a petty rage bubbling inside… Somehow, also a long-forgotten happiness, though there's no time to ponder it as Marisa's voice resumes.

“Say, Reimu, do you have any intentions of planting that sugarcane? Like—we know it miraculously grows in Gensokyo now.” It's an innocuous question, but there's an ever-present sharpness behind her golden eyes that you could only notice by being by her side for long enough. It had aged, buried too beneath that sadness and dejection she showed me the night she brought Hana back home…

Yet never gone.

That glint was over me as I mulled the question, the answer on the tip of my tongue but, again, finding cold resistance… So much training and meditation; long hours spent ironing out the emotions too brutal out of me and making sure I was at my best to vanquish the demons of Hana's life—even the one inside this body.

And here I am, confused and anxious.

“I don’t think there’s a point in doing so…” I let out.

Vulnerable.

“… You want to,” Marisa says, her smile lost. “But you don't think you're gonna be living long enough to do so, right-da-ze?” It fills me with delight to know she hasn't forgotten a word about our conversation that night—a bittersweet feeling.

Marisa is right.

But it's for good motives!

It makes sense after all this; it's a good ending for a depressing life—to Hana, Anon, giving back everything I took from them…

Atonement. Never suicide.

… Yet, this very human heart…

“I'll go to any lengths to make sure Anon and Hana survive; I do not fear death—”

Marisa chuckles. She chuckles.

“Of course you don’t—ze.” Her eyes are on me. “What you do fear is living.”