Been feeling the exact same for two years
Wanted to get into games since I was a kid so looked around and decided I want to start a game art related portfolio
But then I didn't know what to draw, no ideas, no projects. I know it's irrational, but I didn't just want to generate prompts and use those either. I tell myself it's because I should work with others, but it's just a way to excuse laziness
I've posted something like this about twenty times this year and have done nothing about it lol, except for a single related commission. I'm like that "I just need 600 a month..." poster
I've joined some game jam discords, I look on itch.io, some forums, and I'm just trying to decide on what kinda projects to go for. Once I post/apply saying I want to work for free I'm pretty sure I'll have a few offers to choose from. Then the obligation to other people will deter me from procrastinating........ and things will somehow fall into place :))))
Now of course I'm not going to do any of that. The 'why' at the end isn't worth the effort. Make some assets or sprites for some indie devs? For what? A pretty portfolio to get me some approval on twitter? A job in a soulless industry? And even if I get lucky, get hired by a passionate little team, considerable pay, benefits etc. That's it? That's life from then on, wagie cagie and fruit smoothies after work? Petty workplace politics, awkward discord voice calls?
Two years ago I'd be telling you the exact opposite but now I say; find another area to get a project in. I think by now you are too tied up in this false equivalence of social media points + money = successful project so anything that feels even remotely fun to draw goes out the window because it's not worth it, not the perfect idea, not gonna get you followers, too niche, not niche enough, etc etc
Am I talking shit? I think I'm talking shit