Serious question

[Anonymous No.5127651]

Whats your endgame /ic/?

If I go ahead and draw proffesionally, the chances of me getting a job in the industry are basically nothing due to all the competition. But its still a chance none the less.

If I draw furry shit. I get a shit load of followers, but I wont be able to work in the industry with that kind of reputation. The only way to make a living is through jew sites like patreon.

I mean, are these the only options? I draw for myself most of the time and I really have fun studing fundies and anatomy, but is this it??

Even if I make it online, What does that actually do? Is it even enough for a living? And even if we "make it" on socials or professionally, will it even be enough for a retirement plan?

on a side note, shit like this >>5122878
scares me. I feel like the only way to make it online is by drawing degenerate shit.

[Anonymous No.5127655]

For me, it’s drawing cocks on bathroom wall

[Anonymous No.5127659]

>>5127655
not sure if based, or if your just a disgrace

[Anonymous No.5127661]

if you're this scared you're ngmi. Give up now.

[Anonymous No.5127664]

>>5127651

I just want to make great visual novels.

[Anonymous No.5127666]

>industry
What industry? If we're talking Hollywood, your chances are zero. If we're talking cheap mobile games, your chances are basically 110%. You literally guaranteed to get hired if you're even moderately decent.

[Anonymous No.5127667]

Find a different hobby then.

[Anonymous No.5127668]

>>5127651
>the chances of me getting a job in the industry are basically nothing due to all the competition.
wrong, industry is big
>I wont be able to work in the industry with that kind of reputation
wrong, nobody cares if you draw porn
>are these the only options?
no, industry is big
>if I make it online, What does that actually do?
makes connections, opens up opportunities for more work
>Is it even enough for a living?
is "making it" online enough for a living? generally no

[Anonymous No.5127676]

>>5127651
find a job affiliated to drawing, like 3d, animation, design or special effects
draw on your free time
if you're really motivated, make a separate furry account and get the bag
this is it anon, just sit down and relax. drawing should be fun. every time, you get better and just a little bit closer to the piece in your imagination

[Anonymous No.5127681]

>>5127661
I'm not scared at all. Im just wondering what options we have.

[Anonymous No.5127683]

>>5127664
Your not that dude who is making that lombax manga are you?

[Anonymous No.5127687]

>>5127676
How do you even find these jobs anyway?

>>5127668
>Industry is big
Most vague shit I've ever fucking heard. Give me some specifics to help me see wtf you are refering to.

[Anonymous No.5127694]

>>5127661
Been at this game for too long to quit now.

[Anonymous No.5127709]

>>5127683
Lmao, no

[Anonymous No.5127715]

So far no one has mentioned what their endgame is.

[Anonymous No.5127716]

>>5127651
publish worthy art

[Anonymous No.5127733]

>>5127651
Get a gf who will plein air paint with me and also she’s beautiful and will sit for portraits also will cuddle a lot and hugs me always

[Anonymous No.5127736]

My goal is to earn a contract as a comic creator and have a live action adaptation made of my series, plus have over 100k followers on any social media platform
It would be nice to make it as a freelance illustrator, but I know that there are cheap 13 year old Filipinos who charge $3 for a complete piece, so nah

[Anonymous No.5127739]

>>5127651
Here's my plan:
Git gud > Make $$$ > ? > Smell hot girl's buttholes

[Anonymous No.5127740]

I'd love to work for riot games or to make a comic. Id love the idea of my characters and worlds really inspiring other people

[Anonymous No.5127742]

>>5127739
Based

[Anonymous No.5127749]

Op here, I agree with >>5127740 in terms of working for the industry. Working for giant vidya companies sounds like making it big to me.

I wonder how much they pay an artist, and how long are they employed. Anyone know? And what kind of insane level do you even have to be at for that.

[Anonymous No.5127754]

>>5127749
Also im glad people are actually starting to post their endgame. Memes aside.

Gives me a good idea on what to expect.

[Anonymous No.5127763]

Make solid Indie comics. Feel OP's pain my OC's and concept art doesn't get nearly as many likes as the random fat fur shit I post.

[Anonymous No.5127767]

>>5127668
>no, industry is big
Maybe 10 years ago it was big compared to the supply of artists, but since then the amount of people getting good has skyrocketed with barely any increase in demand.

[Anonymous No.5127805]

>>5127651
Endgame:

So I want to get a nice job painting rad shit for a AAA company, yes, just like the rest of us. but what I really want is to go out like Goya with his black paintings. Just isolate myself after gaining moderate success and paint all over the walls. I'll eventually go crazy and die in a hump curled in a corner. Really grim shit too. But, since the paintings are so good, they have to cut them out of the drywall and hang them in galleries and museums. thats true endgoals hommie

[Anonymous No.5127814]

>>5127651
>Whats your endgame
Acquire /beg/-level skills and draw things I want to draw. Given my starting point, that goal is much more ambitious than it sounds.

[Anonymous No.5127816]

>>5127651
>Whats your endgame /ic/?
I like painting.

[Anonymous No.5127847]

>>5127651
Drawing is enjoyable, plus I want to be able to make comics/graphic novels even though only like 5 people will read them at best.

[Anonymous No.5127856]

>>5127651
I just want to stop feeling alienated. If I had just one friend I shared the same frequency with I would be happy.
The art panorama is getting uglier and uglier and it's depressing to witness.

[Anonymous No.5128029]

git gud and make a graphic novels series so popular that someone buys it and makes a show or movie about the story.

[Anonymous No.5128033]

>>5127666
Thanks satan but the pay looks shit. Any anons working for mobile games/small time indie companies making half decent bank?

[Anonymous No.5128036]

>>5127805
Basado

[Anonymous No.5128043]

>>5127814
Honestly, thats how it has to be. It all starts with that. I consider myself to be low /int/. after years my dunning kruger effect wore off. My goal was just to, hear me out, "draw cool shit"

[Anonymous No.5128044]

I'm a wageslave in tech so

>keep drawing as my side shtick
>git gud
>make good art
>feel satisfied that my art is good
>maybe someone buys some
>leave behind a bunch of art for future relatives to discover

the end

[Anonymous No.5128051]

>>5128044
Fuck, I recently graduated and got an IT degree, trying to get certs but was hoping I could make it in art and get money that way. But honestly the more I learn about art jobs, the further it seems.

I dont wanna wage slave bro..

[Anonymous No.5128073]

>>5128051
Art careers are thankless and most artists are absolutely miserable, making shit they don't like.

VERY few (industry, freelancing) artists mange to get by doing shit they like and maintaining creative control. And VERY few working artists end up actually enjoying doing art.

My definition of "making it" means making good art I like, and have it bring me joy instead of stress.

Wageslaving sucks but I can get cushy retirement shit and stock options and health and a workday that's over at 5.

[Anonymous No.5128089]

>>5128073
I mean honestly, I'm fine with drawing anything. I don't have anything of my own to draw, I honestly like doing fan art more than anything else. Im getting pretty good, but I have no ideas of my own. I never really have, so drawing/painting other people's creations is kind of my thing. Its been like that forever.


Day jobs make me absolutely miserable. Because all I wanna do is go home and draw instead. Although getting retirement and throwing my wage at crypto or stocks sounds like fun.

[Anonymous No.5128095]

>>5127805
Have you even read the replies? It seems like alot of these people have different endgames. Only very few seem sure. Although yes. Going slaving at a AAA company does sound comfy, especially if you arent into making your own oc's/ original artwork.

[Anonymous No.5128616]

>>5127651
To make an american minimum wage in my country by working for foreign entities, otherwise I'm killing myself.

[Anonymous No.5128623]

>>5127651
>If I draw furry shit. I get a shit load of followers, but I wont be able to work in the industry with that kind of reputation. The only way to make a living is through jew sites like patreon.
Immensely wrong. A bunch of furry artists work for animation studios and do commissioned art for companies, like Wizards of the Coast or Fantasy Flight (see Ise Gort or Cindy Avelino).

[Anonymous No.5128632]

>>5127651
Endgame is patreon for a living. Obviously I'm not good enough for that kind of money so I'm a STEMfag in the meantime. Who knows, I might just end up staying in STEM at the rate I'm improving. Goddamnit it hurts bros I just want to draw.

[Anonymous No.5128645]

>>5128632
you really think patreon is gonna exist by the time we are 80? Stem sounds like it makes good money. Even proko said you should forget about making money with art. He himself just has a couple of businesses instead.

[Anonymous No.5128710]

>>5128645
My plan was to save up money wageslaving and then retire early to have time for drawing. You have a good point about patreon though. Also how the fuck does Proko have other businesses?

[Anonymous No.5128733]

I want to be an animator.

[Anonymous No.5128735]

>>5128710
Im not sure, he has mentioned it before though. I was thinking of maybe studing for the asvav and draw while I'm in the military. Work 20 years and then maybe retire. I have every art course /ic/ has ever posted. So I'm pretty much good. People have told me im /int/ which i think is an over statement but Im going at a decent pace. Problem is I seem to be going nowhere fast. I graduated 6 months ago and haven't started waging yet. To be honest I really dont want to. But the more I wait, the worse things get. I just wanna draw bro. Right now I'm studying the neck muscles as we speak. I'm like a half way through the entire proko course. My family is starting to ask questions about my future tho.

[Anonymous No.5128737]

>>5128733
I kinda wanna animate too. You have to be a very good at drawing first. After that I guess I would start with the animators survival guide. Not sure what comes after that.

[Anonymous No.5128742]

>>5128735
Fuck that sounds terrifying. I'm graduating in a few years and you're living my nightmare. My brother was doing the same thing for almost 8 months but was able to land a job after looking. Fuck I hope your situation clears up soon

[Anonymous No.5128748]

>>5128742
I mean its kinda my fault. I got a garbage IT degree. I did this to myself. Maybe I should have been a STEMfag or an engineer. I have a free degree where I come from, and I wasted that chance. Now I have a choice, I can either get some certifications like the A+ from CompTIA and a few others, or military. I dont know anymore. I was depressed for about 4 years so I blindly just picked a degree without caring. My depression got worse when I realized that after I graduated nothing would happen. Life is pretty fucked, make sure you picked a good degree anon. Take it from me.

[Anonymous No.5128761]

>>5128748
I picked chemical engineering. I don't know where you are from anon but IT isn't a complete meme degree where I live. I'll take your word for it though. If you think those certs are gonna help you do it. Military sounds like a huge change of pace I would do that as a last resort. But fuck depression man. That's the worst feeling. I just wish you the best of luck. We're all gonna make it.

[Anonymous No.5128779]

>>5128761
Thanks bro, best of luck to you as well. You are an engi. You'll be fine.

[Anonymous No.5128783]

>>5128748
Air force air force air force. If you have to do military, anyway.

[Anonymous No.5128784]

>>5127651
The process of creating something is a fundamentally anti-capitalist experience, at least culturally. There is no "end game". The goal of creation is creating. It's a perfect system. Maybe you'll go forward, maybe you won't, progress is also a capitalist idea. There is only joy. Everything else is a bastardization

[Anonymous No.5128787]

I don't think I've ever wanted to be a professional artist- outside of when I was a kid and I wanted EVERY job. For me, making it is a journey. I draw for myself, so I really just want to be able to draw with my hands like I imagine it in my head. My career isn't art related, but I love it all the same. It's been good to me and it gives me lots of extra spending money for art supplies. I can use trad materials that might not be relevant in "the industry" anymore because that's not something I'm tied to, nor do I have any intention of changing that. I've loved drawing since I was a kid. I want to keep that love alive in me for as long as I can.

[Anonymous No.5128792]

>>5128784
ALSO as a person who's "made it" art as a career is a fucking horrible idea. It's hugely about luck and connections, very little skill required. The people who really "made it" imo are people who either can't do anything else or literally want it more than stuff like, y'know, food and shelter. That, or lucky/touched by genius, I guess.

You basically have to be fucking broken, imo. Like no joke I make an okay living, not great, but like, _okay_, and the survivor's guilt is insane.

[Anonymous No.5128793]

>>5128787
based. What do you do for work anon?

[Anonymous No.5128797]

>>5128783
Why airforce? does it has more free time to draw or some shit? whats the catch? I was thinking navy at first.

[Anonymous No.5128800]

>>5128792
First post sounded like commie shit. Are you alright bro? i dunno why you sound a bit crazy.

[Anonymous No.5128803]

I have a compulsion and love for art, so I'm gonna draw whether I get money from it or not. Endgame is to polish my skills and keep making more elaborate pieces.

[Anonymous No.5128818]

>>5128803
Honestly, thats also been my goal. But I wanted to see If there was anything else beyond that. Not that I need it. desu drawing and painting is my purpose, regardless if anyone sees it or not. Its just all I have.

[Anonymous No.5128822]

>>5128800
It's been a bad day. My mom died of covid last night. Appreciate it man. It's been rough

[Anonymous No.5128827]

>>5128822
Holy fucking shit bro! Sorry to hear that. God damn I dont even know what to tell ya

[Anonymous No.5128833]

>>5128822
I'm so sorry anon. I don't know what I'd do without my mom.

[Anonymous No.5128841]

>>5128793
I am a technical writer. There is coding involved in my role, but nothing like what a programmer would be expected to do. HTML is as hardcore as it gets for me haha.

[Anonymous No.5128843]

>>5128818
I feel like that feeling of there being more beyond comes more from outside pressures rather than an actual need. Like the art community expects everyone to have their big project or some position in some company. I like the attention, the feeling of progress, the feeling of having my own voice and style and that's enough for me.

[Anonymous No.5128847]

>>5128822
What the fuck. Sorry to hear that anon

[Anonymous No.5128853]

>>5128784
Nope, creations like Uber and Airbnb have only accelerated capitalism with the gig economy concept.

[Anonymous No.5128858]

>>5128822
I know this doesn't help out much, but hang in there anon. Me moms is something that would be really hard for me to let go, so I cant imagine the pain you are going through. But fuck man, give the rest of us hope. We all have to see it happen some time soon. Hang in there fren.

[Anonymous No.5128867]

>>5127651
I wish to create the best eroge ever made, the one that will raise standards and start a revolution.

[Anonymous No.5128874]

>>5128867
lmao, let us know when you have a working demo. gl anon.

[Anonymous No.5128877]

>>5128841
Atleast you know that. As a dude with an it degree, all I can do is either build desktops or do basic trouble shooting. I dont know anything else. I know i can git gud in any area, but it takes time and dedication, something I already put into art every day.

[Anonymous No.5128878]

>>5127651
>Bad at vydia but still play them.
>Bad at school but still in university.
>Bad at social but still talk to people.
>Bad at language but still try to learn.
>Bad at draw but still draw

I want to see how bad my ability to learn absolutley nothing ever from past experience is.

[Anonymous No.5128882]

>>5128878
Wierdest fucking goal I've ever heard of but sure why tf not. Post your art. I will judge it to see if its as bad as you say. I'll give you pointers when I can. Try to be gud at one thing at a time, maybe that will help.

[Anonymous No.5128884]

>>5128827
>>5128833
>>5128847
>>5128853
>>5128858
Thanks guys. I know it might sound silly but it means a lot

[Anonymous No.5128914]

>>5128882
>why tf not.
It's not masochism, but everyone's good at drinking or wasting their day watching youtube videos all day.
Of course I don't very much enjoy doing what I'm bad at but it's better than the alternative.


This are from some time ago. I'm aware that lack lieterature knowledge and actual crunch-study. Drawing legs and shoulders without cheating from time to time wouldn't hurt aswell. Motivation of course comes and go, but that's normal.
When I finish university I may actually go some sort of art school. I have very little plans for the future.

[Anonymous No.5128928]

Why not, the future is coming soon enough you know. Im still trying to figure mine out. It would have been nice If I had planned atleast something. As for artschool, idunno anon. Seems like a rip off. I just used the /ic/ mega and got every course I ever needed. Ill be good for years with that.

As for the art. I can see you are def gaining sense of form, slowly but surely. I recommend studing Perspective made easy by earnest norling. Finish that book and then go for more advanced ones. Perspective is the key to all.

[Anonymous No.5128941]

>>5128928
>>5128914
reply was meant for you btw

[Anonymous No.5128958]

>>5128928
>Seems like a rip off
Being bad at learning, I feel it'd be useful having a "you do this" guideline. But I guess there are alot of books that do that, that's true.

Anyway, I aprechiate the comment, I'll check that book out. Thanks anon.

[Anonymous No.5128962]

>>5128958
Perspective allows you to create form accurately. Thats the whole point, its the most important fundie. Although I read this book a long time ago, im gonna take olson's 64 gig perspective course. Just to makesure I refine those skills I gained and improvethem. I cant draw my degenerate furfag shit and figures without good perspective.

[Anonymous No.5128965]

>>5127651
learn some 3D design shit on the side, too.
you don't have to be perfect since your art can carry you, but showing that you know 3D in your portfolio will help get you some more attention in the industry when applying

[Anonymous No.5128968]

>>5127816
unironically this lol
I found something I like to do, so I'm gonna keep doing it as long as my hands are functional.
Fuck if I make it big or not, even if no one ever saw my art I wouldn't hesitate to keep making it.

[Anonymous No.5128975]

>>5128965
Aren't there more people that know 3d than know how to draw?

[Anonymous No.5129021]

Hey, I feel you bro.
Currently in school to get a lab tech job in the next few years.
Science is cool, but I feel like I'll always regret spending this much money and time on something I don't even like that much, just to spend my days wageslaving doing the same easy boring shit.
Feels like I'm planning out my death

[Anonymous No.5129059]

>>5129021
Atleast you will most likely get a well paying job. With my degree alone, where I live, I'll be super lucky to find a 12 buck an hour job at best..

[Anonymous No.5129086]

Maybe just keep the shitty porn commissions on a separate handle or account, so you have enough money to eat while doing shit you really like.

[Anonymous No.5129101]

I used to think of an endgame, now, I'm not so sure, life should get easier once you forego all dreams and aspirations, am I that important, that unique, that special as to ever succeed in something? No evidence of it, no reason to believe in myself, so yeah, just killing time for now and maybe ever.
Lies, I think of it alright, I imagine it, a real pro, yeah a pipe dream.
https://youtu.be/W2TYS_Jvzjc

[Anonymous No.5129232]

>>5129101
I really dislike these kind of fags trying to make their failures seem deeper than they are. No amount of Blade Runner 2049 clips are gonna change the fact you gave up without trying.

[Anonymous No.5129784]

>>5129232
Don't give a shit, I'll post what I want and you're gonna lap it up like the bitch you are.

[Anonymous No.5129790]

>>5127651
Well, I'm aiming for industrial design, where some specific drawing abilities are required.
Other than that, I'm interested in getting into proper character design as that's cool, even though from what I hear the jobs are pretty fucking awful, but I can just do that shit for my own fun.
Also it would be cool to have a decent drawing ability, so I could try to churn out some small game with it, and maybe find some codefag to take care of that side. I do know a bit of code and unity myself though.

[Anonymous No.5129791]

>>5127651
My endgame? Drawing whatever I want.

[Anonymous No.5129797]

>>5129790
Also, to be able to illustrate my characters for rp. Forgot one of the most important ones.

[Anonymous No.5129798]

>>5129784
No one itt is a bigger bitch than you lmao.

[Anonymous No.5130051]

>>5128797
Yeah, lots more roles with free time - especialy in domestic settings too. Navy works too I suppose.

[Anonymous No.5130262]

>>5127651
I'd rather strike it on my own and hope for success with self-published comics. The stakes don't feel as high as they used to. When I was 20 and dropped outta college the first time, I had all sorts of worries. Now here we are in the middle of a pandemic and I feel more comfortable than ever, irony of ironies. I'm in a stable spot financially, goin for my Masters degree, I'm committed to that. So if I ever made a comic that got me some extra cash and recognition, great. I still got a long-term plan for what I wanna do for comics, though. One that's meant to be funny and it's got a simple story, and then multiple stories part of a low fantasy universe, which could potentially last for a two or three decades, if not the rest of my life.

[Anonymous No.5130275]

>>5127715
Beg for money on jew sites, otherwise I'd be pretty much unemployed when I graduate from college.

[Anonymous No.5132182]

>>5127651
Keep making art, preferably find a job in that feild wheter it be, Animation/game studio, freelancing whatever. or have another job and make art on the side. no matter what happens i'm going to be making art till the day i die.

[Anonymous No.5132192]

>>5127651
My endgame is that I want to draw furry porn. Mountains of furry porn. Also painting sounds nice too.

[Anonymous No.5132210]

>>5127651
>the chances of me getting a job in the industry are basically nothing due to all the competition.
try to specify what job you want, genius

[Anonymous No.5132284]

I want to draw art for stories and webcomics I'll never put online

[Anonymous No.5132371]

>>5132284
Me too
>I'll never put online
Why

[Anonymous No.5132385]

I want to publish all the stories I've been writing and planning for the past decade before I this year is done. I've read too many horror stories of people who keep putting off writing a novel until they finally reached 90 years old when they realize they've already lost their chance. I don't want that to happen to me.

There's this one Akagi copypasta that perfectly describes my horror.

[Anonymous No.5132469]

>>5127740
>riot games
that department is already full and taken for the rest of your lifespan, trust me.

[Anonymous No.5132486]

For me OP, my endgame is to get a job in the career i studied in that honors my MBA, I love art, and would do it on the side, but for my circumstance I can't risk my family sustainability, my parents had worked too hard to get to where we are today, and I wouldn't throw it away by being selfish and do just art. However, I my art does in fact kick off, I know that I still need a career outside of it because we all have to retire at some point, and at some point we all need to be taken cared of or we just die in our homes without no one knowing of old age.

Right now, I'm hoping to solidify training myself in drawing and digital techniques so that I can become better at art this year, and work on my writing, I at least want to start making a presence when I know that my art is acceptable and good. But it will have to remain as a side passion outside of work and family.

[Anonymous No.5133005]

>>5132182
>Keep making art, preferably find a job in that feild wheter it be, Animation/game studio, freelancing whatever. or have another job and make art on the side. no matter what happens i'm going to be making art till the day i die.

I am the same bro, started on drawing on /ic/ and got a studio job. Still drawing for fun on my days off, keep it up.

[Anonymous No.5133506]

>>5132371
I write stories almost entirely tailored to my own tastes so I'm pretty sure they're either objectively bad or not worth uploading
My current idea I'm playing around with started with the prompt "isekai but not entirely shit" and now the main character is an amnesiac and the reader doesn't know it's an isekai. It's pretty much a normal fantasy story but since it was based on isekai I'm having a hard time writing a character with flaws that are actually flaws

[Anonymous No.5135756]

>>5127651
Drawing a webtoon
That's about it
Also art is good and wether I like it or not I'm still going to be reading webtoons/manwha when I'm 30, which is like in 12 years so I might as well try to get good at it.

[Anonymous No.5137034]

>>5127651
my endgame is drawing what i want and be satisfied with the result

[Anonymous No.5138061]

>>5127651
I just wanna have and fun and sometimes get paid for it.

[Anonymous No.5138078]

>>5132210
How am I supposed to fucking know, I just draw bro. I can do anything.

[Anonymous No.5138096]

>>5132486
What do you work as anon? I wish I could fucking write. I have illustration skills due to the years of fundie grind but have never made my own oc's or stories except when I was a kid. And even then it was fan art/ fan comics.

[Anonymous No.5138130]

Op here, how is this thread not dead yet. This entire thread is both a white pill and a black pill. To those who wanna draw and git gud as an endgame, honestly gg. Im sure you'll make it.
All the other answers are honestly all over the place. It just seems unlikely to make a living with your own comic series, but desu, you should do it anyway if that’s what makes you happy. Make sure the focus is actually having fun even if no one reads it/sees it. That’s how I go forward. That’s why I draw every day. I do it for me.
Pic related is my work. I wanted to make a sonic comic like I did as a kid. But this time with all the skills I got over the years. I might do it after I finish my anatomy grind a few months from now. Its just for fun.

[Anonymous No.5138134]

i want to make beautiful things and have other people see them :)

[Anonymous No.5138708]

>>5138096
auditing and investigations for governmental accounting, you know white collar crime investigations and what not. Its what I got my masters degree for. I used to never read for fun, but i recently started doing so to discipline that side of my brain. By reading for fun, I'm learning more about how to write a story, while also studying fundies from genres i like it alot (east and west influences) something like the alternative art general I guess, but my style is a mix of both. I feel like instant gratification stunted me and most people too, well i used to:
>start up a league game to be matched within seconds
>gacha games
>video on demand
I stopped with league and gacha games a year ago. I am also playing the old final fantasy games to improve my patience in literacy, you know the large sums of text served as dialogue to flesh out the story. Its sad though, I wish I could've had these solidified when I was younger, but it doesn't affect my work ethic and lifestyle, i was a straight A student, its when I want to pursue my art and writing endeavors I feel like I'm hitting a block or burnout. That's why i want to discipline myself enough this year to be able to improve and develop my own style from those i am currently studying to then at least make a presence somehow. I want to feel assured of my art because it will reflect upon who i am as a person.