/ic/ - Artwork/Critique

I have mental ilness.
I feel things that i think too
See things that i think too
I wan t to use it for my art .
(I already did but i don t have the level to paint wath i am seeing )
I had been abel once to relive emotinaly my memory of the girl that i love traugh colors or symbolics how have meaning and feeling for me.
At the moment i wasent awere i was just beging to see by repeating her name.

>>4107453
Anorexia
But thanks to drawing, among other factors, I've made a lot of progress in the last year. I need energy to draw and that forces me to eat even if mentally I'm struggling. Making a nice drawing gives me plenty of satisfaction that compensates for the negative feelings about my weight.

>>4107453
I think I have mild depression, but I still haven't checked hormones and shit like my therapist suggested.
I have some bursts of energy, and a hunger for life, but often I feel like I don't have enough vitality to live like I want to, and that life's challenges will be too heavy for me.
This influences by drawing habits as I don't really know what I want to do with my life, no goals, really. Also I think about girls when I'm drawing, about how lonely I am, and how I want their approval. It kind of poisions the experience.

>mental illness
I post on this board.

I dunno if this counts but everyone I've known personally for years has told me I'm always tense/stressed/anxious about everything. Apparently I'm unable to relax, and since it extends to art too I put a lot of pressure on myself and quality suffers. It's a shame because I like to draw, but I'm unable to relax and enjoy anything in general.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Many people assume that I'm autistic, and treat me like I'm retarded and don't understand things and that I'm too stupid to operate on their level. It's painful and I hate it. I'm intelligent, and quite capable, but I'm never given the chance to perform or to have responsibility. It's probably because I don't like to conversate and that I'm socially awkward. I understand body language and facial expressions quite well, but I never know what to say in conversation.

I just don't find interest in people, mainly from years of childhood abuse and bullying. I see other people as a source of pain. I get anxious in crowds, I dislike seeing or hearing other people. I've quit many jobs because the way I'm treated by coworkers, I just want to be left alone, I don't care about your music, your beer or sports or television or little petty dramas you've had on your errands, commute or at home.

I usually think people are talking about me, I assume when I hear whispers and hushed voices that it's about me - there's a certain tone of voice people use when talking and they don't want that person to hear. I avoid eye contact because it feels unwelcome, people usually feel uncomfortable around me. I'm tall and good looking but I feel like that only provides an expectation to be let down.

I feel better alone, in nature with the sounds of running water, wind and birds, the feeling of grass and sunlight.

But I can't help but feel lonely. It's a curse, to be a social animal and to require socializing by nature, but to dislike it at the same time.

I have depression and anxiety issues. Sometimes I think I see things. I have two cats, and I can see them sleeping together on the couch. But I'll see a third cat sometimes, gray and thin, running between furniture, just their tail and ears visible or their paws under tables, or a swish of a tail around my ankles, but only for a split second.

>>4107453
I was diagnosed with severe depression and I've thought about suicide almost daily for the past 10 years. At its worst I had disassociation episodes and other weird stuff. I think my faulty brain killed all my chances at succeeding at anything. I tried everything I could to fix my problem but it didn't work or made it worse. So I've resigned that I'll just kill myself. It's just a matter of when. I'm ok with it since all I wanted was to make art but I'll never amount to anything.

ptsd and dissociative disorders and a mix of a few other shit, self induced brain damage.

i have issues learning new information and sometimes i stop drawing for years, still a muse tho

drawing is DiD related

>>4107489
sounds like a form of ptsd, could be a few things or a mix of things, fuck those people tho
>>4107471
thats amazing!

>>4107490
is there anything that makes you happy, if only briefly?

i think some people suffer from the delusion that happiness is bliss or a constant state.

happiness is only ever a fleeting feeling, or the realization that you feel good about yourself and that you actually aren't stressed out or worried at the moment.

I've been in and out of low places in my life, I've been homeless and addicted to drugs and I've been beaten and abused by loved ones. I've never had somebody i trust and can depend on, I haven't had friends for years. but what always pulls me up from rock bottom is me. getting some sunlight, drinking water, eating right, going for a run or a bike ride is always an option. going for a drive away from people or going camping for a couple days is something to look forward to.

if you let yourself fall apart and become a pile of dirty, unfolded laundry in a dark corner, then you will feel like garbage. life takes effort, and the reward of effort is something to feel good about. if you are looking after yourself, don't compare yourself to others, compare yourself to yourself in the past and see how you can do better. as long as you breathe, there's always an opportunity for a fleeting moment of happiness or goodness.

>>4107489
I can relate to a lot of this anon, if it helps. I'm very scared of being hurt so at the first signs of conflict/embarrassment I generally cut ties with other people and hate seeing them.

>>4107499
not them, but sometimes thats not easy for people and causes more stress. some times they need to be a hobbit for a few weeks or so, then try to slowly get out instead of rushing and pushing them back further

how about drug/alcohol problems?

I function fine but I consume fucktonnes of both of these. paid well. good relationships. but fucked up for sure. oh well, could be worse.

>>4107511
I abused drugs and alcohol pretty heavily for about 3 years, smoked pot daily from 16-21, drank consistently from 17-21. I did heroin briefly at the age of 16. Got addicted to molly (don't know how to spell the other word, starts with E) around 19 and jacked off a lot to it. Did LSD and cocaine almost every weekend from 20-21, that absolutely scrambled my brain.

I've been clean for 3 years but I still jack off almost daily (since 14) desu I think being a cumbrain is more detrimental than all the drugs i've done

>>4107493
bit more into this, was sexually abused by one guy from about idk when to 8-10 till he killed his self because he got caught, he drove a bus for special ed kids ( i wasnt one of them) and the fear of what he did the them is stronger than the fear of what he did to me
threapy from 8-13 where i was diagnosed
someone said they wanted to be my friend, and then bashed me to the ground after i said yes. i still cant make friends cause it scares me way too much.
bashing my head alot to "forget" this being the self induced brain damage, didnt make me forget the thing that happen just a slow bitty
sexual abuse kept happening with a bunch of other older men cause i was too scared to do anything until i was about 14 most being being 4-70
got preggo when i was 15 on birthcontrol gave birth to a healthy boy when i was 16, gave him up. he has a good senpai. but i was guilty, when i was younger i used to see myself killing my parents. they were never nad to me, but i still saw this shit, it happened with the child as well when i first looked at him and my entire time at hospital. i felt like a monster

alot is better now, my aggro personality doesnt come out anymore, my protectors are absent, so i think im integrated, but im not sure at all

>>4107499
>is there anything that makes you happy, if only briefly?
My pet, when I'll have to put it down I'll go too. That's the plan.
I have a nice schedule, eat healthy, wake up at 7:30. I do all the nice things. I clean my room. I want to kiss a shotgun while I eat healthy and wake up at 7:30 and clean my room. When you have a problem of this magnitude it doesn't work. You can't tell someone with schizophrenia to eat healthy to fix it. The doctors just say it straight, you're too fucked, take the meds so you can work an office job without killing yourself and go on like that. Join a support community for legal drug addicts, forget all that stressful shit like this art stuff. The meds remove everything in your head. All ambition, dreams, expectations are gone. You're just a meat thing and you're technically alive. Or you just keep going until you're too tired and you kill yourself. It's not even about being sad, you're just really really tired.

i used to have a meme "depression" but now i'm fine

>>4107517
agree re: cumbrain.

I think when you do drugs for a long time it's easy to psyche yourself out and think "oh fuck, i must be fried" - and then you start believing it - whether or not it actually fried you.

Doing it young sucks because that's where you're meant to form grooves - habits, and the experience of keeping at something and seeing the rewards.

Otherwise, society tells us that we SHOULD be fucked if we abuse drugs - and eventually they CAN fuck us up - but I think internalising it is more dangerous and common.

Cumbrain as you put it is more of a habitual behavior, which is hard to break than just taking drugs before doing whatever activity (unless you do drugs for the sake of doing them, which ain't my area of expertise)

>>4107453
thought i might have depression until i found out what antidepressants do. i'm not depressed, just apathetic. i wish i was more joyful and compassionate, so i try my best to be caring

>>4107533
>thought i might have depression until i found out what antidepressants do
elaborate

>>4107533
>>4107529
... wat

>>4107453
I'm a depressed pedo. Does that count?

>>4107542
I had the typical case of the adolescent "oh nooooooo life is like so meaningless bro should I kill myself or not broooo" mindset. I didn't have any real reason to be unhappy or any diagnosed chemical imbalance in my head. That's why it's a meme "depression" , I thought myself into some dumb pretentious teenager misery.

>>4107453
Epilepsy, maybe bipolar disorder and possible manic depression but I refuse to take pharma for them. I control my seizures with lots of sleep and keto and just live with the fucked up thoughts I have.

>>4107588
>epilepsy
Sorry bro, that's hard to live with I bet, I knew a epilleptic artist a long time ago, ended up an heroing because he couldn't draw a straight line, was really sad. Saw him fall out once, when he came out of it he didn't know his own name for 5 minutes, must be hell for you guys.

>>4107481
Based
>>4107453
I got psychosis and minor bulimia
I need to get off my medication its killing me

>>4107453
ptsd/depression/gad/anxiety/chronic nerve pain damage+disc+pelvis injury and i think bdd, slight ed. i might have a bit of disassociation

my memory is sometimes affected and i have to be reminded of things sometimes, or at least start making alarms(actually holyshit i was just reminded of an appointment i have in almost 2hrs because of this thread)

i’m pretty fucked up and have been out of work for a just about a year now. slowly trying to get better and getting into art again... hoping to sell and make enough for myself one day to also have some of that go towards those in need.

>>4107588
>everything Van Gough had
gmi

>>4107595
It's no problem as long as I keep my trigger in check (sleep) if I don't sleep well a night I'm shakey as fuck and have vertigo all day. It is hell.
>>4107602
he made it after death, maybe that will jappen lol

>>4107453
That rock looks like Putin

I like most people in this world would probably be diagnosed with some mental condition or form of depressions if i went to a doctor seeking it out. i get demotivated and sad and anxious etc. a lot but im not going to pump myself full of drugs or seek out sympathy. ill push through it with strength and keep on drawing

>>4107614
>ill push through it with strength and keep on drawing
sounds like you're healthy. would you think this way if you were shitting blood?

I had cancer when I was 18, so I have a bit of concoction of mental troubles from that. Major depression, PTSD, anxiety, much less social contact, constant pain, fucked memory, you name it. I used to create art that was darker in tone, but I now I just want to draw happy things for the rest of my life.

>>4107453
mental illness is a meme - just fucking draw, its really not that hard

>>4107621
t. non-mentally ill or mentally normative

>>4107617
I do have hemorrhoids so shit blood occasionally. But thats physical illness anyway, i was talking more about mental illness

>>4107625
In the past if someone was not motivated or dumb they would just be considered lazy or stupid. But today there is no such thing as lazy or stupid people they all have a medically diagnosed condition

>>4107631
in the past we didn't know jack shit about the brain.

yeah there are literally millions of people on the planet who use mental illness as an excuse to be lazy or stupid.

but you have to be an absolute idiot if you deny things like anxiety disorders, schizophrenia and clinical depression, which, wow, happens in people who are completely functional and motivated

>>4107453
sometimes I suspect myself of being schizoid or autistic or something like that; had trouble maintaining friends my whole life, forming connections (totally alone rn except an online friend I talk to every couple months).
that's past the social anxiety. i'm pretty hikikomori, & neet.
attempted suicide when I was ~14 and did a bit of self-harm or what have you. that's about it, so nothing special. probably just faking it hoh hoh hoh

>>4107453
My mental disorder is being patient, friendly and kind.

>>4107636
No I'm not denying those things exist, they do in extreme cases but it is all completely over-diagnosed to the point there are no plain old slightly lazy worried or stupid people anymore they are all given a special medical diagnosis and victim status and then they don't feel the need to try to get better by themselves because they think its an illness out of their control. I've seen friends who were not that bad spiral down a therapy and antidepressant fueled path to oblivion

>>4107646
it's not about victim status, it's about improving wellbeing.
i agree it'd better if medicine and diagnosis wasn't the approach, but that's because I think people need to be addressed as individuals, whereas you're just denying any issue. do you have no empathy?

>>4107582
>typical case of the adolescent "oh nooooooo life is like so meaningless bro should I kill myself or not broooo" mindset
Lmao that's not typical. I mean, being moody as a teen is typical, but having suicidal thoughts is another thing entirely.

>>4107653
>do you have no empathy
All I want is for the people who diagnose these conditions and write prescriptions to have a higher threshold instead of diagnosing everyone that walks through their door

>>4107641
>so nothing special
Yeah just your usual run of the mill BPD, nothing to worry about.

>>4107471
very proud of you anon! get some almonds as a reward for doing well so far

>>4107660
Ok it was a totally really real depression then, what a poor sadboi me. It's all over anyway so whatever.

>>4107705
bruh

>>4107705

... =/ ...

i'm 39
still tripping like 1 hit of acid since 15 yrs old.
it's normal now.
if i stare at anything it starts moving and breathing.
still trailing slightly.

>>4107453
I thinkmy autism and ADHD fucks up my ability to finish work, and not burn out a quarter the way through..
But I could also just be making excuses

>>4107453
>>4107453
i have depression and anxiety (as in the disorder),and ptsd, but i suspect that there are more issues that haven't been diagnosed yet. something along the lines of ADHD possibly. it's extremely hard for me to stay focused at times, i have extreme insomnia and executive dysfunction (which also makes it very hard to draw at times because its just impossible to do anything). it really sucks because there are so many things i want to draw and goals i want to reach but i've wasted so much time pretty much doing nothing because my brain was just not cooperating.
i also have a chronic illness that fucks me over sometimes but it's manageable mostly. but sometimes i can't sit at my desk or leave the house because of it. i'm doing my best to overcome these struggles though and to not let them hold me back too much.

>>4107840
21, never done drugs but born with some brain damage, same

>>4107840
thats scary. you took acid at 15 and the effects never stopped? how is that even possible

>>4107866
>>4107840
that must've been one very large hit of acid

>>4107518
hope things get better for you anon

the world is shit, but it comes in waves and bursts

>>4107866

i don't know lol.
mind you i did it around 200 times+shrooms.
i'm not schizo tripping.
just never ending after effects.
thoughts are clear and normal... i think lol.

>>4107883
I understand. I did tons of acid, been clean for years but I get visual static, nothing is ever crystal clear to me visually. Flat surfaces always look like they're wiggling or like it's made of fog. I cant make out small details like dirt or debris on my floor even if I'm wearing glasses, my brain just assumes it's part of the floor

>>4107883
ya got drug induced psychosis
get on meds if you can't take it but honestly the meds are fucking horrid for me
t. in a similar situation

Anorexia and OCD.

The anorexia I think started when I used photos of myself as a reference for drawings, and was mad I would always have to trim fat for my skinny animu girls

OCD has always kinda been there, only gotten worse since I started living alone. I have certain routines for doing things like waking up, making coffee, doing laundry, setting up computer, etc or I literally start thinking I might die or my family might die.

>>4107888
>>4107883
>>4107886
I wanted to try this shit one day, now I changed my mind.

>>4107890
same

>>4107889
Obsessive behavior is a bitch, but from what I understood as my doctor explained is that it tends to be a way of coping with a bigger underlying problem. It's a way of being in control.
My most stupid thing is I have to check if I closed the water faucet like 10 times. I check, I close the door, turns off the light, turn on the light, check, close, check, close. I feel incredibly retarded while I do it but I literally can't sleep if I haven't checked until I'm perfectly sure. How do I deal with this shit?

>>4107890
>>4107894
NEVER fuck with LSD

but desu try mushrooms, they'll change your life for the better. It's like a oldest and wisest person showing you things that will really make you reevaluate what you're doing and who you are

I used to be the kinda kid that lived off poptarts and soda and played vidya 8 hours a day. Mushrooms made me realise I need to focus on art, and to eat healthier and exercise

I'm not saying you need drugs to change your life or to have an epiphany but its giving yourself a second perspective on your life, first-hand

>>4107524
At least meditate in a natural area away from people if you really are going to do it. For me solitude in nature is the only thing keeping me from suicide.

>>4107899
>do shrooms expecting a weird ass trip, get Jordan Peterson instead
jokes aside the intention was shrooms but they're illegal here and I have no friends to watch over me
I'm the kind of person who reacts badly to drugs, I got really bad vibes from smoking and I cry when I drink too much

>>4107890
>>4107894
Do it its pretty fuckin sick brah

>>4107902
If you micro dose, (0.25grams or less, or up to 0.5grams if you are a bigger person) you won't trip and lose control. Colors will be more vivid and light will wobble. You'll get bubbly and giggly and everything will be more interesting but your train of thought will be more distracted.

>>4107471
pyros0me?

>>4107900
I love animals. I sought jobs involving animals before getting into art but I have seen only misery and abuse every time, so that put me off of it. Thinking about nature just makes me more depressed, everything touched by people ends up fucked. If I could go off the grid and make enough money to not be in complete poverty so I could care for a few animals and buy painting supplies I could be happy, but I'm scared shitless of giving up the stability I have right now. I have zero business sense on top of being mentally a trainwreck.

>>4107890

it sounds fun.
it's not.
i don't regret it.
it's never really bothered me.
emotionally and mentally im fine. just visual static as another anon put it.

overall i wouldn't recommend hallucinogens.

I think going neet for the sake of art will just make you into a ngmi unless you still socialize very frequently to avoid the cognitive decline that comes with depression and isolation.

I personally can't tell if the decline reflects itself on my art because I never have time to draw when I'm not being a neet.

>>4107453
Major depressive disorder here.

Tip: if you seriously have this shit, live a better life and take your meds.

Art gives me hope and is an emotiobal outlet

>>4107536
Not op but I think what he means is that they just work on the symptoms and not the cause. It's weird being happy about things in life that your not meant to be happy about, it's really soul destroying.

I've never been diagnosed and my parents have always insisted I was "fine", but I absolutely suspect something is wrong.

I experience bouts of depressive episodes at really random times, mostly during the winter months. Those times where you just don't want to do anything at all. I almost always have ridiculous social anxiety (well, it's more like social apathy, just having no interest in other people), which hasn't seemed to lessen no matter how much CBT and meditation I do. Even when I get drunk I'm still sort of in a shell.

An important thing to note is that my mind often goes completely blank when around people and in conversation with them, so I end up having little to say, and I guess that turns people off. Where the fuck does that come from? Some mild form of autism?

It's weird, I have all these loner attributes but I don't necessarily feel "lonely" when I'm alone. I genuinely enjoy the solitude and prefer it, and it's the only way I can get shit done and stay on the path of gitting gud. Yet I can't help but feel I'm missing something vital.

Question: What are the best legal drugs to help me become more social and less of a reclusive incel?

>>4107453
I'm a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic with clinical depression. I don't know if it ever really helps me to draw, since I tend not to draw things that I hallucinate. The depression makes it harder to work, though.
>inb4 pyw
Pic related.

>>4107999
It's ok to feel a little blue during winter. If you have depression, the medical condition, you know it's a medical problem. It's uncontrollable and invasive nagging thoughts that make your life miserable. Social anxiety is stuff like not being able to go to a place you like with people you like because you're afraid.

You're probably just surrounded with normies and you feel alienated. Do you live in a small town? You shouldn't start drinking or doing drugs just to force yourself to like people you're not interested in. I did it for a time, it was miserable and I ended up ghosting everyone anyway. You should seek people that share your interests instead and commit to those, but you should try to open up a bit more. I did it online in the 2000s and met cool people IRL via MySpace, got burned a few times too but it was better than hanging with the people in my city and smoking pot in someone's garage every weekend. Now it's much harder to make friends like this since making connections with people online is riskier and social media is fucking shit. Maybe look for a group in your city that does something you like, or start doing something you might like that might get you in contact with people.
Until you have no doubt you have a serious problem and you need a doctor, it's probably something you can fix with lifestyle.

>>4107999
>What are the best legal drugs to help me become more social and less of a reclusive incel?
beer

>>4107918
Yeah. I'm pretty open about the disease, I don't mind bringing it up publicly. I wish more people would talk about the dangers of eating disorders, my health was almost irreversibly messed up because of one

>>4108024
T B H if you're a straight guy and you talk about mental illness people will tell you to stop whining and man up.

>>4108033
this

if you're a straight white male and mention anything about mental illness, people will automatically flag you as an incel or potential serial killer/mass shooter

>>4108033
I know and it pisses me off too, especially knowing that men's suicide rates have always been higher than women's. I'd like to live in a world where neither men nor women are afraid to speak up about their mental health. It's heartbreaking to read some of your guys' experiences, but it's also nice to see how most Anons are being wholesome and supportive ITT.

I'm not surprised that so many people on /ic/ are affected by mental illness. Artists tend to be hypersensitive and vulnerable. Sometimes it's a blessing, sometimes it's a curse.

>>4108047
>>4108045
>>4108033
your misogyny is showing. you all must be fun at parties

got diagnosed with schizophrenia it’s bad for any self-directed activity like making art really. i guess if you’re not working cause of disability you have more free time so some people end up making art they wouldn’t have made otherwise, but in general i don’t think it’s conducive to creativity at all.

>[Do you] have mental illness or a mental disability, or suspect that they might have one?
I don't have something extreme enough to be a mental illness, but something is wrong. That kinds of sums up my entire life. Parents weren't abusive, but they weren't perfect (mom left me and my sibling alone for hours on end making both of of socially retarded and dad was always at work or tried to bond like we were a normal family ignoring what me and my brother actually wanted). I want to think I have autism, but I think thats from barely socializing while I was growing up. Me imitating others to try and socialize more could either be autistic masking or me simply learning how to socialize.
As I teen the only people I could find online to relate to were people with issues venting then going on with their normal lives and people with victim complexes who think they should be in vent mode 24/7. I kind of became the latter and exaggerated my situation a bit because I related to them even though my situation wasn't that bad. i didn't relate to the extreme stuff, but I related to some of the lighter stuff. I didn't have friends to compare situations with, so I tried to convince myself my parents were abusive. I got a victim complex 'I can't do anything about my brain chemicals", "oh, therapy doesn't work", "tips to get better? r/wowthanksimcured", and "my parents are literal demons". Hanging on those forums also gave me my own things to worry about because I was pretty air headed as a kid, but those forums gave me a lot more to worry about.
I don't know why, but simply telling myself to stop the bad thought processes just cures my depression? I was stuck in a cry about whats wrong and never do anything for song telling myself to stop being such a bitch fixes a lot of my problems except being shit at socializing.

>What about things like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, autism, brain damage, or after-effects of drug and alcohol abuse?
No.

>>4108065
>[D]o you think it hampers your development as an artist? Does it provide a muse for your art?
If I had a crab for every unnecessary 'depression break' I took i'd be able to recreate /ic/. Instead of complaining about about shit I have tried to tunnel the sadness into drawing. I do want to make a comic that could be a metaphor about all the stupid mistakes I made while growing up to prevent some teen from becoming me.
I think it could be a muse because my life could have affected my fetishes I like to draw in some fredian way? Anyhow pic related is my art. Don't recall why I drew it.

>>4107453
I suffer from agoraphobia and anxiety disorder, does it count?

>>4107886
that's fascinating. I would like to study you in a lab.

>>4107886
>I cant make out small details like dirt or debris on my floor even if I'm wearing glasses, my brain just assumes it's part of the floor
how does the brain reclassify dirt as floor?

I'm a recovering apathetic. I have PTSD and disassociate 80% of the day. I don't think it's done much to add to my art. Pic rel. When I'm on the phones at work I scribble rubbish instead of anything worthwhile because my mind is gone.

>>4108088
that's weird
>>4108108
well, a floor - wood, linoleum, tile - has little scratches, specks and textures all over it. when there's tiny bits of sand and debris on the floor, i can't really "see" that it's there - even if i move it and feel it with my hands and feet, it just looks like the texture of the floor to me. i can't pick up the difference between a scratch and a small pine needle, or a small nick and a piece of sand, even if i can feel the difference.

the brain doesn't always interpret the world as it really is - it just assumes something is something, and creates an illusion of what it believes is there. it takes the small data it has and completes the picture off of what it already knows.

it's a bad explanation but you can look it up if you want to learn more.

>>4107883
>>4107888
I've been doing shrooms recently and now I'm scared. It got me over my death anxiety but now I'm nervous about continuing.

>>4108050
>saying its bad that men have to hide their emotions and their suicide rate is too high is somehow misogynistic
weak bait

>>4107453
I'm a depressed 30-something incel whose only reason to keep going is to get as good as I can

Won't post my work because a lot of you know me and it might hinder my career/business despite not being crippled by depression but damn I wish I could just talk

>>4107536
>>4107542
OP here.

>elaborate
I thought depression wasn't exclusively being sad, but also being absolutely desinterested in anything/anyone.
When I found out antidepressants actually dim your feelings it kind of dawned on me, that I wasn't depressed, because then I would feel a deep sadness.
It's just that I more often than not feel a bit disconnected, like being far away. I'm not sad at all, but neither happy. Just nothing, really. I do my best to live productively, but if I'm really honest I don't really have any emotional bonds. I also don't get angry; I hold no grudges. Neither do I feel fear. Completely impartial. Basically missing out anything exciting that gets your heart pumping. I wish I could feel true compassion, be it positive or negative. On the bright side - I'm always laid back. Some people think I smoke pot, but I haven't had a joint in years - they do absolutely nothing for me. Occasionally I drink, though.

Out of curiosity I did some research, as my second suspicion was being autistic. Turns out I have no autism, at least no form that fits into the known spectrum.

>>4108385
Sounds like disassociation. Maybe. I don't know. I have a numb apathy about everything too

>>4108385
Anon how could you miss the definition of apathy. Look it up. You're emotionally disconnected. You'll have to do therapy or self help to retrain yourself to feel. If you want to that is.

>>4108310
That's really sad anon, maybe try to get a different hobby or something.

>>4108468
>>4108471
huh, thanks. that's actually helpful

>>4108285
do you hear voices?
feel extreme paranoia? (i.e people can read your thoughts, people watch through your windows, your under surveillance)
think you can communicate with a deity or are some how related to one?
think you got ''super''powers? (i.e mind reading, future telling, control over some aspects of reality that shouldn't be possible, talking to ghosts, etc)
you prob got a form of mental illness if you answered yes to a couple of these get checked by a doc if it's bothering you
drugs shouldn't be a constant in your life they're a good seasoning but too much of it will ruin you
how much is too much is dependent on the person
i've met people that can take as much hallucinogens as they'd want to and come out ''fine'', i've also met people that can accelerate mental illness just by smoking pot occasionally
continue if ya want or don't

>>4108310
How the fuck do you stay productive? I have so much brain fog sometimes that it's hard to draw anything.

>>4107902
>mfw I would not have any problem staying sober for watching over a high friendo

Sometimes I think I just want someone to share experiences with. But hey this isn't the vent thread.

>>4107453
if i work from home because of autism is it accurate to say to an employer/client that i work from home due to disability?

>>4108807
if you don't know what to draw, just practice drawing from references. pick gesture, form, value, anything

jus the usual co-moborbidity of severe depression and anxiety, along with an eating disorder that idk how I managed but I barely ever ate and now the thought makes me ill. dealt with it for over a decade using drugs and alcohol as copes, but then when I started to go for my nightly walks to the shops (cause I woke up in the evening) I started to hallucinate people watching me and that was when I decided to go see a doctor. went through the whole suicidal shit too.
I seeked out help about a year and a half ago now & now I'm trying to make up for lost time with art, the one thing I always loved even if I was too depressed to actually draw, and came off meds a few months ago as the zombie shit they did to you was bad but I felt I was in a place where I could get sad or even depressed again but not spiral, but rather pick myself back up and keep going.
been drawing every single day now for over 7 months? or nearly? but I want to hit a year, and then 2, etc.
Feels real bad some times with all the wasted fucking time. So much of it I could've been using, even now it's hard not to procrastinate or fall into old habits I formed and so I still got a lot to work on but at least it's upwards trend, not downwards.

>>4108483
I mean I love art and I'm competent enough to make a living of it. I tried using Tinder but matches are extremely sparse and around me there is very few people even worse people who is worth talking to, I live in a very shitty environment

>>4108807
Art is the only thing I've that I look forward to that is a very good motivation. Maybe try to wake up at the same hour, bathe with cold water, use the pomodoro technique and make that time sacred. Depression sucks and maybe you have good enough reasons to be depressed but even so the reality is that depression will take a toll in you mental skills even lowering your actual IQ so it is in your best interest to regain control of your life and try to build up something to look forward to

ADHD, Anxiety, depression
I used a little of many different drugs in life but personally I'm only "addicted" to Ritalin but it's more because having ADHD makes ANY task harder and results worse than they have to be.

Also I really think it gets in the way I make my strokes. I feel like it makes me "infinitely creative" though. I literally can't help doing stuff in a new way every time.

Other than that I take antipsychotics to be less aggressive. I think I'm aggressive cause of various violent incidents. I had to physically hurt people and got badly injured by people more than once, I suppose because I look like an easy target. So my personality without meds is timid and careful until you poke, then I explode in your face. I think this reflects in my drawings.

>>4109184
I have a solid routine, I study, I just don't improve. I live with the obsession of art yet I'm forever shit. I don't know how to cope with reality.

>>4108033
>>4108047
>>4108050

You don't have to be white. Very few people care about men. Most people who say they care, usually women, are just pretending so they can get something from the guy.

Most guys know that, they just keep it to themselves so they can fuck.

Incels problem is that they talk about it. That's it. You stop talking about it and you dress nice, you fuck somebody eventually. We're just talking about it now cause we're all anonymous. IRL if a guy talks about his problems he loses any chance to fuck.

>>4108310
Dude, I'm totally an incel except for the fact that I fucked a lot of girls in life. What I mean is:

All it takes is superficial attractiveness and acting cool/smart. When women think you're hot stuff they complete the rest with their imagination, really. All my good looking friends have no idea how to properly talk to a woman cause they never needed to. All you need is to look like you're special/important. Being fit and/or well dressed and/or respectable position like being the "cool artist".

>>4109274
>>4109268
what does this all have to do with having sex

>>4109278
Don't ask me, ask society. If people cared less about sex they'd be more honest. That's all I'm saying.

>>4109268
>IRL if a guy talks about his problems he loses any chance to fuck.
not true. only if you whine about it, fishing for sympathy or if you drop this out of the blue. there is a time and place for everything, anon

>I'm totally an incel except for the fact that I fucked a lot of girls in life.
No, you're just a selfrightous douchebag. Literally the worst type of people; borderline PUA. No respectable artist would act as a "cool artist" to get laid. No, let me reframe - no respectable person would need to act at all.

>>4108024
Recognized you by the piece you posted, I follow you on insta and I think you're following me too, I'm extellus

Just gotta say I love your style, keep it up anon

>>4109534
Yess I'm following you. I love your style too.

>>4109340
lulz almost everyone in social situations is acting cooler or nicer than they really are.

I don't do it to get laid cause I already done it a few times and I know, now that I'm more mature, that it's not worth it. But I had to go through the experience. I'm just saying it works and I'm talking about having sex, not finding the love of his life.

What I have been diagnosed so far with serve depression, anxiety and ptsd from childhood abuse.
My family argues I have a eating disorder but I think that's more due to depression making me not eat at days at a time. But there was a time I purged a lot. They also think I have slight autism, but I feel it's too late to really bother, I'm an adult and can take care of myself.

>>4107489
I'm the ADHD guy and I relate to that a lot, except for the part of being treated as retarded. I get treated differently and people do whisper about me when I don't make an effort to behave socially properly. People only treated me as a retarded kid when I was drawing like an autist on the psychiatrist's waiting room.

Drugs of confidence helped me experiment on social situations to learn what works and what doesn't, so it's like I had to learn how to have conversations like it was a game. Everything social I had to learn like it was separate and not natural of me.

Not trying to be rude, but honestly, I think your problem is that you don't wanna be normal. You don't make an effort to learn this stuff I mentioned. Sometimes people are in fact talking about you behind your back, you saying that you "think", to me is just a sign that you prefer acting dumb and not trying to change. Also I think you lie to yourself about being afraid of social. You tell yourself it's not interesting at the same time that you rarely make any social situation work.

Men have to make things happen. That's one thing people don't like to let them know. Also "never given the chance to perform"... Nobody is gonna give you chances buddy, you gotta TAKE THEM. I'm actually angry now cause you probably know this stuff already and is acting dumb.

>>4109184
I didn't mean you should abandon art at all, but doing something different along side can help you a lot, maybe some sport.

>>4107471
how do you even work up the motivation to eat anything?
food just seems completely unappealing these days.

>>4110008
eating gives you the energy and mental clarity to practice.

i realized after being a skellingtal for several years that i wasn't giving my brain the right food to think well. my art severely declined because of that.

if you eat a diet high in fish and bananas, it produces lots of serotonin, and is also low in fat so it makes you feel good and stay thin too

eating meat and fruit seems to be the most efficient diet for me

>>4107489
I've never met an intelligent person who insists they're intelligent. Also, being on this site is a sure sign of stupidity. Don't worry anon, you're among friends.

>>4107453
Most things are uninteresting most hours of the day. I see no reason to get out of bed anymore. I'm disgusted or bored by everyone but I still think I'm significantly worse than them. I spend a lot of time thinking about whether or not we should have gone extinct thousands of years ago.

does "very light autism" exist?

>>4110008
If you're restoring weight in recovery you don't really need motivation, you're extremely hungry most of the time. But if I can give you some advice on how to work up apetite, try having something sweet before a larger meal (like a small cookie, candy or a piece of fruit).

>>4110664
If it exists I think I have it.

Me and a lot of people.

I'm very depressed but honestly I have good reason to be... The meds make me tired and dull but atleast I don't want to an hero myself

>>4107453
I feel fine. Life is great!

>>4110664
>>4112101
ADHD and aspergers are all on the autism spectrum. If you think you have mild autism you could have high-functioning aspergers or adhd
Honestly a lot more people have autistic tendencies than most people realize.

>>4109289
This is honestly true.
After being in a committed relationship for a few years I've had sex way less but my ability to interact with people on a personal level has skyrocketed. I dealt with a stupid amount of sexual assault/abuse and I would just go along with sex because it was the cool thing everyone else was doing and it seemed to be the only way to feel wanted. Intimacy (not sexual) and honesty is an absolute necessity.

>>4114362
All sexually promiscuous people I've known were some of the unhappiest and most troubled
I think a lot of people sleep around because they think that's how you're supposed to get in touch with people

>>4109563
>almost everyone in social situations is acting cooler or nicer than they really are.
sounds tiresome. ain't playing this silly game.
desu i don't expect anyone to be cool or nice, i couldn't care less. what i appreciate is integrity

Depression is pretty common around here and I think two guys on this board even killed themselves.

So yeah I'd say mental illness does hamper your development as an artist. You can't draw and improve if you're dead.

>>4114409
>what i appreciate is integrity
people hate integrity when they actually see it.

>>4114418
like how you hate being on 4chan?

>>4114425
I'm talking about being generally uncompromising and judgemental

>>4114391
no one talks to me for very long at all unless they think i'll fuck them. i just miss having friends
>>4114413
>suicide is the biggest gains goblin of all
i'll try to git gud first then.

>>4107453
I'm mentally ill, I'm a Schizophrenic.
It ruined a lot of opportunities for me.
I ended up cussing out Elizabeth Ellen, the writer, who was beginning to be my friend because of some stupid Schizophrenic delusions.

Yo not gonna lie but us artists are crazy. We each have our own and do what we do, some people want to show or provide a message.
Its all cool, this life...dont take it seriously and dont let these labels define you and cheesey as that is.
Im sure falling into some schizo/delusions?(hallucinations starting, i think thats what they are) Idk after doing so much research and connecting certain things lol I dont want to come back here. But helps with my art. I want to show whats out there.

Keep doing what you guys do with your art, this life is temp but youll be immortalized by your art.