/ic/ - Artwork/Critique

85-95% clarity. Doesn't mean I'm able to draw it though.

non existant. still able to draw decently somehow

void. i draw by guessing a lot.

>>3640749
its pretty clear if I actually try to visualize what im drawing, but most of the time I just let the stylus/pencil do its thing and go on auto pilot

>>3640749
was absolutely nothing at the start. after learning forms and gesture it took off like a fucking rocket. painting gave it clarity. but translating it onto a real surface is something else entirely. the brain seems to store information in weird fragments that trick you into thinking you are seeing things with your eyes closed.

>>3640760
>>3640761
Huh? You mean just when drawing, or do you not even daydream in visuals? How do you even draw?

>>3640757
>>3640764
So when you close your eyes, do images just pop out at you without prompting the thought? I hear some people see their visualisations using the same mechanism as seeing an actual object instead of using the mind to ignore the blackness

>>3640805
Usually. It's the same as seeing dreams, but that doesn't mean much to someone who doesn't see their dreams. It looks like a gauzy symbolist painting. In fact, daydreaming and naps are how most people I know work. They sit back and Dr Strange shit starts happening.

>>3640761
>>3640760
Try this for a week or two:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3F2qjtwcMhA

>>3640780
Drawing had no real impact on my minds eye so far, I don't know this is encouraging to hear because it will happen or worrying because it didn't happen for me.

>>3640833
well i spend a great deal of time on the floor with my eyes closed like >>3640810. i deliberately poked around my brain trying to understand it.

there's two main activations. one is automatic that works like https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pareidolia.. the other is like drawing on the back of your eyelids. the same thought process you go through to draw something promotes seeing a flash, symbol. gesture, fragment of something mentally which your brain eventually learns to process into the automatic part. and then you get animated vision, landscapes, dancing on water, etc.

>>3640749
I can't picture anything longer than ~1 'frame' with nothingness in between, basically really, really short time, and sometimes I can't picture what I actually want to. For example, I want to picture a baseball pitcher throwing a ball forward, but he would throw it elsewhere, then I have to focus intensely to actually make him do what I want. So it's really hard, since I can't look at something in my mind. Anyone having similar experiences?

>>3640843
don't fight your mind. that's a big thing. like in dreams you just go along with it no matter how nonsensical or terrifying it gets.

if you really want to force it, you need the right mental cues and technical skills. i had the pitcher/ batter thing before and i kept hitting fouls until i remembered to point where i wanted the ball to go and what energy would be needed for it to go that direction.

a lot of good choreographed anime does these things very naturally. FLCL comes to mind.

>>3640805
(>>3640764)
Pretty much this. Stuff just happens visually in my head constantly without me actually prompting it to happen and when I close my eyes the blackness might as well not be there because its kinda like i'm watching what i'm thinking about instead of imagining it if that makes sense. This happens the most clearly when i'm listening to music with my eyes closed and I can just see things happening in accordance to the music.

>I can just see things happening in accordance to the music.
You mean in a synesthetic sense? Or just that movies play out in your head?

What you guys >>3640810 >>3640851 and the rest of the vivid dreamers say is different from my experience, cause while I can daydream/loop through snippets of scenes in a story I have in my head, or a memory, but it's not like I'm directly watching it on the black canvas. More like the images are further in the back of my head behind my eyes. I wish I could improve it.

I have this hypothesis that if I could visualise down to minute detail, then all I'd have to do is copy what I see. The problem is I'll be seeing a vivid image of like, a person and all their facial features but the moment I try to draw out the exact contour of the face the image just gets lost; I can't seem to separate the parts from the whole.

>>3640850
>don't fight your mind. that's a big thing. like in dreams you just go along with it no matter how nonsensical or terrifying it gets.
How would you improve without nudging it in some sort of direction?

Im allegedly on the autistic spectrum (two psychologists sent me to get tested, but i didn't care enough to go; it was just implied because i show all the symptoms). If it's true I may have better focus and enhanced visual thinking. But I really don't know, how can you tell unless you were once inside the mind of another person?

Is there anyone here who's actually diagnosed with Asperger's or Autism? Would you say your ability to visualize is better than average?

>>3640880
>nudging it in some sort of direction
you improve through just doing it. it scales with your technical skill and artistic vision, so use real materials training those. you really have to drop the critical mindset if you want to have any progress with this sort of thing. it's the complete antithesis of critical-rational.

>images are further in the back of my head behind my eyes
yes, they will be. you're learning to trick your brain into thinking they aren't.

>the image just gets lost
how i understand it is like when you have a software program written in one language and you want to convert the functionality over into another one. even though your brain thinks it's seeing images mentally the actual inner workings are not wired the same as real seeing, and so you can't draw it the same way. you have to cleverly piece it back together. (and ofc there are people with abnormal brains but they have their own tradeoffs).

>>3640880
Less of a movie and more of a set of animated storyboards that change depending on which one I like more for the song. Like >>3640810
said its kinda like a dream but one I have no part in and am just looking onto as a spectator.

>>3640749
Very precise. I can imagine clear shapes and objects and know exacly what I want to put down on paper, how everything is contained within a frame,...
My hand also can't keep up with this, I'm still too bad so shapes and textures don't end up looking good at all most of the time. It's the reason I want to learn how to draw better.

>>3640887
>But I really don't know, how can you tell unless you were once inside the mind of another person?

Yeah, but the subjective descriptions we're stuck with look to be pretty good markers anyway, and we have some anecdotal descriptions from 100 years ago to somewhat substantiate differences in visualisation.
https://psychclassics.yorku.ca/Galton/imagery.htm

There are also some Aphantasia tests that help people gauge their general ability, not to mention all those spacial reasoning/pattern matching tests

>>3640910
>My hand also can't keep up with this, I'm still too bad so shapes and textures don't end up looking good at all most of the time.

How do you mean?

>>3640986
He just thinks he is a good visualizer but his "hand" can't draw well enough.

The truth is that everyone who thinks like that just fools themselves into thinking they can visualize clearly.

>>3640989
Exactly this.
If you really have a super detailed visual mind you should be able to reproduce that on a canvas. Anyone who says otherwise is getting tricked by hazy details and forms into thinking their mind is vividly visual

>>3641016
glad someone decided to pop out of the woodwork to claim anonymous authority on the subject.

>>3640749
Not very good, but not quite Aphantasia.
I can see something, but usually not very stable or color accurate and only a small portion at a time.
It's as if I was looking through a pinhole.

If I have something to work off of though I can visualize a little better.
Drawing is my coping method.

Similar thing happens with my thought process.
I have a really hard time organizing my thoughts in my head.
Simple things are fine, but as soon as it gets more complex I can't sort it out.
The beginning of a thought mixes with the middle and the end and I can't really make sense of it.

I have two ways to cope with it, one is writing it down, the other is talking to myself.
That way I can get my thoughts out in a linear fashion and everything makes sense.
I adopted writing relatively recently, but for as long as I remember I've been talking to myself.

My memory, visual or otherwise seems fine though.

>>3640986
>>3641016
Much like I can't replicate or draw from life or copy a picture 1:1, I can't do exactly what I imagined. I'm too inexperienced to give things the right form and depth, I don't control my line weight well enough, my lines are irregular, I can't crosshatch properly,... It takes time to get all these things right.
Or maybe I'm just tricking myself, as you anons said. We'll see in a couple years anyways.

>>3640913
Very interesting resource

Well in that case i think i'd say my mental imagery is very high. For example if I can imagine something, then upon drawing it the result mostly matches my expectations. Or I can see some images of an object, like a plant or a vehicle, note the general principles of construction, and recreate them from memory fairly well. But isn't this a kind of skill you can develop? I think i'm only good at this because i've been practicing all my life

>>3641071
I wouldn't know. How have you been practicing?

Image Streaming >>3640819
is the new hotness and purports to sharpen the mind's eye fairly quickly, even going so far as to supposedly cure Aphantasia, but I don't have much information about these claims.

>>3641111
Hmm what do you mean by practice? I draw every day as a full-time job: illustration, sketches, storyboards etc. Sometimes I use reference photos, but very loosely.

>>3641148
I thought you were talking about practicing visualisation in isolation. Have you always found it comparatively easy to see the image in your head before putting it down on paper?

>>3640749
All of my images I see are things or experiences I've had. Most of it will come with mediation, I got to the point where I was dancing with one of my characters. I don't dream often because I smoke weed to get to sleep due to PTSD. I've had some trippy ideas and wrote them down while high. Most of the time shit just randomly pops into my mind and I'll think that's a cool concept. Getting all on paper is another matter, but I'm hoping as a grow and learn it will get easier.

>>3641111
checked

>>3640749
Despite all humans having eyes, we use them differently. But everyone assumes that eyes are simple. open eyelid, focus. theres more to it than that but its hard to explain to another about it, so we never do, and thus never get a chance to really see and compare what other people see and how they see.

>>3641152
No, i would say this improved gradually over time. I actually remember getting very frustrated in my teens because I couldn't draw something I could perfectly envision in my head. I took me many years before this stopped being an issue (at least for the most part)

>>3641163
Sure, but we can do better than having no idea at all. How would you describe your visual processing?

>>3641219
isn't one of the reasons for making art is so that you can communicate these nuanced subjective experiences? literally no other language captivates even the slightest details properly. unless you think RED conveys a good approximation of how you see RED. :\

For dreams I usually have no or seriously gimped visuals. I guess like imagine a Vidya where you can sense objects I guess like a mini map or such, but you have a tiny flashlight that can only focus on a small area, like half of a person. Once in a while they're pretty good, especially if I go lucid and force it.
For drawing I've lost my sense of visual imagination. I don't know if it's linked. But I can imagine very vague concepts. Like for example "dog in front of fence". But I can't see how the dog really looks like or the fence until I really focus on it, and even after doing so I can't zoom out and see the constructed image.
So I mostly kinda just construct on paper, like putting a dog gesture in front of some lines representing a fence, and slowly build everything up.

>>3640749
Vague impressions of thoughts.

I'm taking too many benzos for clarity. I can't even think in words, either. It's just a big, hazy mess.

>>3640749
Can't really describe it. A thought isn't something concrete like you think. You can't grasp a thought because that would just be a thought about grasping.

If I try to describe to you mental imagery, it's just me having a thought about what mental imagery could look like. It's not the actual thing.

Thought has no form, no image, no voice. It just makes us think that it has, through the firing of neurons in our brain.

With that said, when I imagine something, it appears as an idea of an image, rather than an actual image.

>>3640749
I can see the image and I think it is perfect. But it's like a badly saved 50x150 image being looked at from a long distance. Once I try to focus I'll notice I don't actually know how to connect certain parts of it.
For example right now I can imagine my classmate. I've seen her lots of times after all. But now I try to focus... what does her hairline actually look like? Was the hair covering her ears? How's her nose? I don't know. But I definitely have a full picture of her in my mind, I just can't zoom it.

Even something as simple as Superman has a level of uncertainty to it. Where does the cape start? It could be the shoulders, the neck, or did it actually come out of the S shield on his chest?

>>3641219
i dont know where to start. what is there to even talk about? its simple. just open your eyes and look.

>>3641224
Of course, but the general characteristics of the visualisation still ring somewhat true. And for some strange reason when you say "RED" the idea is consistent across nearly all things I would assign "RED"ness.

>>3641361
for some strange reason when i see "RED" i think symbolically and feel nothing at all what i experience seeing different shades of red.

I just now closed my eyes and tried my best for 30 seconds to picture an apple. I then drew what I saw to the best of my ability. If there was a scale of 0 to 10, 0 being abosultely mind-blind and 10 being picture perfect clairty, I'd give myself a 1. Parts of an image will come into view in pieces, but if I try to focus on them they disappear. I find it a lot easier to imagine things when my eyes are open though. Like if I try to imagine a can of coke on my desk right now I'd say I can see it with 4/10 clarity.

>>3641048
You just worded very succinctly how my mental thought process works as well. For me it's especially bad when it comes to math. If I'm on the 3rd step, the 1st and 2nd steps will skip around until eventually dissolving from my mind. Writing also helps me a lot, as does speaking. Similar brains, anon.

>>3641483
you aren't actually seeing with your eyes when your eyes are closed. you're activating neural pathways to produce what you would otherwise be able to 'see' if your eyes were looking at stuff.

it's the same thing when you talk to yourself without using your mouth. most of same processes as talking. listening to your brain is a whole other ballgame though. it's pretty fucked up and i would steer away from it imo.

>>3640749
Completely nonexistent just like my love life

>>3640749
It varies somewhat by day and moods, but generally my visualizations are extremely vivid but live only so long as I focus on/lose myself in them. If anything else demands my attention they immediately dissolve into fuzzier, indistinctness and I can only rarely recall them exactly as they were. My lack of any and all formal drawing practice combined with this inability to hold images in my mind when doing other activities precludes me from ever drawing something really interesting or individual to my own thought process.

>>3641487
>listening to your brain is a whole other ballgame though. it's pretty fucked up and i would steer away from it imo.
what the fuck are you talking about?

>>3640749
Great, but I don’t use it while drawing

>>3641318
*Visualisation processing

>>3641178
Do you generally agree with >>3641016
and >>3640891 on how to develop the ability then and what it should look like?

>>3641279
That's exactly the point of the mind's eye though, that an image does appear. You sound aphantasic.

I have aphantasia and see nothing Anon. Don't know how I'm making it as far as I am as an artist

On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being no image and 10 being perfect clarity, I'd put myself in a 7. I also have incredibly vivid dreams and I remember them almost every night. My ability to draw is below average though.

>>3641931
same
except im not making it at all
i literally cant draw without a ref, otherwise im just drawing bullshit symbols if i have to draw out of raw pure imagination and not just muscle memory recall

>>3641485
Yeah I am terrible at mental math, although I'm fine with math in general though.
I just can't take shortcuts, I need to follow each step, even if it seems unnecessary.

One thing I found kind of neat is drawing while vocalizing my thought process.
I seem to be able to recall things better this way, as if I was demonstrating for myself like a teacher would for a student

>>3640760
>>3640800
I'm the same. I can sometimes get my mind to play some sounds but I get pictures only in dreams and very rare.

I draw mostly through either copying what I've seen or cutting it in parts and recombining them. Or just through construction using simpler shapes as a base. But I never see a scene or even parts of it as images in my mind. For me everything is just vague symbols that are placed in relation to each other - for example I may know that on the left I have "an elf wearing a mail and wielding a sword" and on the right "an orc with bulging muscles and two handed axe". Then I expand on this.

>>3640749
Super fucking vivid, like i can create complex environments and move perspective in them and put them and different lighting settings with only ocasional fuzziness.but i still draw like shit

My mind's eye is terrible, on a scale of 1 to 10, putting myself at maybe 2. Only been about 5 or so times I've had a vivid enough picture in my head to draw down something clear and concise, and those have definitely been my best pieces

That being said, I feel like I'm pretty damn good and feeling out forms and their relation in space even if I can't see details. So more often than not, I'll put down linework within a space and that "mold" those lines into forms, looking at reference to shape out the details.

But all I can really do is spatial relation, Everything else from texture to color is extremely vague, hence why I've just given up on trying to paint in color, and always do grayscale first while overlaying color after.

I can solve a sudoku in my mind. And I can visualize almost perfect details, but mental imagery is always glitchy and fragmented. I doubt anyone can see complete and moving imagery. I think it has to do with your mind all the time associates and that interferes with the images.

I can imagine vivid details,colors, and sounds. it's like a whole new world sometimes.

It's good, but only when it's in anime style

It varies.

I've been working on a comic lately and notice that since I've been thinking about it more, my mental vision for stuff like composition is getting a lot better. I can sit and think about a page and get home and actually draw out what I was thinking of, but obviously the finished product still often comes out different to how I first imagined it.

>>3640749
yeah when i really started getting depressed I didnt visualize shit
It could have been impossible, neurologically, but I think it was just because I felt like I was worthless, powerless, no hope for change, etc. Because to me, ultimately what visualization comes from is a lust for life. You want to 'see' certain things so you visualize them super clearly.
Some people talk about it like it's just like pulling up .jpegs on your computer - I don't buy it. And that's for autistic virtuosos, none of which post on /ic/, that's for sure.
But yeah. Ultimately I think you need to really want something super bad to be able to visualize it. This didn't work for me because I was depressed and thought I wanted nothing from the world nor did the world think of giving anything to me, ever. But it also applies to half-assed thinkers that just want to trace images for likes on social media. It also applies to people who stare at screens 24/7 and have burned out any capability of visualizing something, because if you ever wanted to see something, you're already probably looking at it on your computer.

How does drawing even improve visualization

It's kind of like when you look at something and close your eyes really fast. That brief sense of what was there before the outlines start fading is what I see. Not enough for detail. But I get the sense of the thing. I guess if I tried I could superimpose details on it. But my visualization is much better with movement and the other senses.

>>3640749 (OP)
normally when i try to visualize something the subject's clarity is linked in relation to my knowledge of the subject and so it could be as low as 30% or it could be 85%. also clarity can be effected by what i use the subject for, so if i am just interacting with it tends to be better than if i overlap on to something else or if i try to hold something still for a long time. (this is also dependent on subject the more moving parts there are the harder its for me to hold a still image ie leaf easier than tree)

for me the hardiest thing to do when visualizing something is to apply it to art, i find it difficult to over multiple different effects onto one another ie stop subject from moving. apply basic art step such as simplifying shapes, color value , lighting etc. over lap that on to the canvas.

Sorry if I have made this hard to understand I am dyslexic and I have a hard time explaining stuff like this.

PS my most sincere fuck you to the man that decided on the spelling of the word dyslexia as it is one of the word I most often have had to google or spell check in my live.

fuck this is depressing, I didn't know people visualized like this. all i see is black.

>>3644236
>Sorry if I have made this hard to understand I am dyslexic and I have a hard time explaining stuff like this.

No, it's clear.

Sounds about right for the average experience.

>>3644301
To be fair, the thread is naturally skewed to the more vivid side, cause that's the type of person that comes to this board anyway.

That said, what has your experience been, not visualizing? Do you enjoy books?

I can visualize things fairly well, but I'm steadily working on improving my details and general clarity so I can depend more on it for certain things instead of having to use more refs. It's not full-blown reality tier though, it's definitely more grey and faded. Usually works better when I'm slightly tired. There's still hiccuping when there's actual moving going on, but I found overly focusing on details when there's movement is a futile endeavor.

>>3640749

I can literally see what I imagine in high detail but not for very long.

It does not take a lot of focus but if I try to imagine something complex I get strain. Idk how to explain strain.

Also I can't imagine with my eyes closed, it's bizarre.

>>3644728
>It does not take a lot of focus but if I try to imagine something complex I get strain. Idk how to explain strain.

Generally adding more objects in detail to an already present idea is a bit difficult. I remember reading an article, I can't find it, that demonstrated it something like this.

"Imagine a couch in as much detail as possible. The color, the texture, etc. Now imagine the specific objects on the couch. The cushions, in detail, are they fluffy, what designs do they have on them. You must do this whilst also keeping the detail of the couch in focus. "

For most people it's difficult, not entirely sure why. Cause if you said instead, "Imagine a living room" then you can add more objects without as much strain cause you're talking the entire thing as one solid idea.

That's my guess anyway.

Is there a correlation between autism and not having the ability to see visually in your mind well?

Not memeing, serious question.

>>3645583
See >>3640887

Probably not.

I feel the texture of things that I visualize. Think it may be an autism spectrum thing idk. I have savant-tier visualization ability and eidetic memory, but it's not necessarily super reliable or consistent. When it comes to recall I normally first think of key sensations associated with X memory and then from there the memory grows out from there to the point where I kind of just live in my head. Like sometimes it's the air pressure or how someone moved or an expression and then the mind latches onto that and builds out the rest of the memory from that. There's alot of overlap between having a "good memory" and a "vivid imagination" I reckon.

I also think in a dialogue between what I call the stage voice and the rummager voice. My internal stream of consciousness is a constant argument between the primary voice and a stream of conscious "rummager" that is constantly reminding and recalling and metacritically nitpicking and basically just flying around "rummaging" through my mind. Like the stage voice is a person walking their dog on the beach,and the rummager voice is the dog running around back and forth grabbing shit and peeing on things and being hyper. Anyone else relate to that shit at all?

>>3640805
This just sounds like splitting hairs over how people describe it.

Anyone can imagine things to great visual detail with their "mind's eye" as long as they remember the detail. Doesn't mean it looks or feels the same as actually seeing it.

The line between imagination and "seeing" can of course get blurred during the phase just before falling asleep, when your brain is starting to generate dream imagery (hypnagogic images) but you're not quite unconscious yet. It's possible to use certain techniques to force yourself to this state, and it can be used to enter a lucid dream.

>>3640749
I see in wireframe vividly.

>>3645965
>I feel the texture of things that I visualize.
>I have savant-tier visualization ability
>I also think in a dialogue between what I call the stage voice and the rummager voice

>uses a grid to copy photos off the internet

>>3640749
I can see fully detailed images, but it's easiest if I split the details up into lines in a semi-cartoonish way. Like if someone took a photo with full color, then traced it and did the exact same image fully colored but as a drawing. I can imagine anything in size from a quark to multiple universes, probably because I spent 90% of my childhood wandering around daydreaming and imagining stories.

>>3646458
the guy is a delusional spammer who lies all the time. just ignore him.

>>3646458
>uses a grid to copy photos off the internet
I mean that's just part of the process. The point is that I'm more focused on starting from exact proportions and from there I fuck everything up with paint. It starts as the image from the intranettes and ends as a shitty painting. Plus I pretty much leaned into "tracing" and gridding as part of the subversion goof.

I've done a bunch of paintings that were hand drawn on their own like pic related and a bunch of other ones.

Like in middle and high school I was able to do realism pastel portraits from hand pretty easily. Drawing proportional faces isn't really a problem for me, it's more about when you plan an image out ahead of time and have exact framing as you want, it's just easier to grid it out and get exactly what you want. If I'm trying to say anything to all the /beg/ fags is that motherfuckers "cheat" constantly when it comes to grids/projection etc.

>>3646466
But I really don't lie though. Feel like such a faggot talking about how my braingrapes works tbphwyf.

>>3640749
Overwhelmingly vivid. To the point where it can cripple my focus on something I'm doing, if I get bored and start daydreaming (I take notes on what I imagine.) Make no mistake, I'm not actually literally seeing stuff, it's like I'm just triggering the nervous response to imagery, without actually seeing an image. But it's strong enough that I sort of project it onto whatever I'm drawing on.

It's basically a movie, in all honesty, when I imagine stuff. especially when I'm deliberately listening to a song, repeatedly, to synch up the events I'm drafting, to the song beat for beat. I even did it right now, to test, and yeah, it's really like a movie.

Recently, I've noticed the images in my head are great in concept but lacking in detail and are pretty vague. Maybe it's because I don't draw as much as I should be, but it frustrates me a lot.

>>3646384
>The line between imagination and "seeing" can of course get blurred during the phase just before falling asleep, when your brain is starting to generate dream imagery (hypnagogic images) but you're not quite unconscious yet. It's possible to use certain techniques to force yourself to this state, and it can be used to enter a lucid dream.

Explain how

>>3646616
Cut off your ring finger yet faggot?

Usually I don't see anything. And if I try to force something (think really hard about a certain image), the best I can achieve is some basic geometric shapes; squares, circles, etc.

But sometimes randomly - especially right before falling asleep - I get really vivid images. So vivid that I can actually draw way better than I normally can, if I work off of that imagery.
And if I have vivid dreams, I can recall them to great detail and see them with my "mind's eye". Sadly this type of stuff happens rarely, and usually I can't see shit.

>>3647633
non thats at the end of act deux desu

70~ percent clarity.
My inner eye is mainly adapt at having characters and people perform actions(even actions that I have never seen them do before), I can see my family members their bodies and faces and proportions, as if I am seeing them through a mostly transparent film.
I can make my brother in law dab, my brother's Gf act flustered and cutesy and my father dance some fortnite tier dance.
I can also make two characters swordfight while having my inner eye pan around them in a 3D 360 degree range, to the point that I can actually feel the inertia, like how I feel it when I am in a rollercoaster ride, this also includes camera effects like warping.
I can do this fast, normal and in slow motion and I can make any physiological change, like thinning them, fattening them, musclefy them and slowly morphing them etc, I can see them in any artstyle that I want.
This also extends to inanimate objects like bricks, cars, buildings, anything really(I can see a realistic building swearing like a drunk psycho at me from the tadpole perspective for instance).
Still images are harder, but making them idle around minimumly seems to do the trick.
Downsides: Certified Autismo.sadfroge
>Tfw

>>3648701
How autismo?

>>3640757
Hah, sucker. I've got 100% clarity. The recall is shaky, though

You just described having thoughts OP. How good are you at thinking. Mastering thinking means you'd be able to kill yourself instantly, internally, if you so chose. Ultimate domination of self.

>>3649174
Like Mr.Data from star trek, but I still understand and have emotions, boundaries, empathy, communication, most body language (sometimes I empathise with a sour looking cashier or something and start to think that something I did caused that)etc.
I especially do not like surprises, unexpected results or changes to my status quo, but I do always adapt.
Used to have trouble effectively communicating my feelings to others, sometimes I still take things literally, I also am not adapt at hiding my emotions from my face or behaviour(them: sad or stressed anon?, Yeah stuff happened. Them: I can tell because you really wear it on your face).
Bonus perk is that I am also REALLY adapt at showing a profound emotion on my characters, as well as their body language, also venting my feelings typically turns my mood around.

Sometimes when shit happens too quickly in succession, I will need a day off to shed off the overstimulation(feels like I'm overcharging a Powerstation in my head), I lock my self in my apartment, with my cat, with everything dark and any entertainmemt only playing softly.
When I have my offday I am not in pain, everything is just too amped up in my head.
I am happy though despite the downsides.

ITT: Bullshit

>>3649185

>>3649185
How so?