/ic/ - Artwork/Critique

I'm so sorry

>>3258370
what do you mean?

>>3257707
looks like luffy from OP

>>3258417
thanks i'm planning on it being a grand adventure like one piece

>>3257707
oh god why...

why OP... why...

>>3257707
DESU it's not terrible. However, it doesn't have anything to it that's interesting

Sidenote, what are those carpets omg

>>3257707
GTFO fucking tranny.
Your Oda imitations are not good enough, get the fuck back to HYW

>>3257707
OP Get the fuck out of here, they're going to try to bring you down. These retards don't realize that all the greatest Mangaka were at your level. The thing is they had the advantage of drawing full-time+overtime for 20+ years to get to where they're at. You're better than 99.99% of /ic/ so just leave and maybe get a mentor or something because /ic/ is not qualified to give you advice.

>>3258532
It's out of context so I don't really think it's fair to judge your characters too much, but nothing stands out about them in particular. The beanie guy doesn't even talk, nor does the old lady.

The main character has a design that is very generic. Messy hair and shonen whatnot.

Also the bandages dissapear and reappear at random, check the panels on the right page carefully.

Main character has his mouth open the same way in every panel.
I drew this picture of him, I would suggest you change the freckles, four on each side, while being easy to draw, looks odd. I think having a heavily freckled face would be cute and visually interesting. I also suggest you add in reflections to his hair, it looks smooth and black, therefor should probably be shiny.

learn perspective lul.

>>3258579
>>3258532
>>3258370
>>3258525
>>3258589

You guys are assholes, if you actually draw then you would realize how far OP is in a bunch of fundamentals. He's literally almost at the level Oda and others started at. And keep in mind that Oda and other Mangaka had assistants to polish his work and do the backgrounds for him + he had editors to review his work so he would constantly make adjustments till it was just right. I am not saying OP is there yet, but at this stage all he needs to keep doing is keep improving all aspects and he'll inevitably make it. He's one of the only people I seen on this board who I think is going to make it.

>>3258586
This is the only decent advice here. even then do realize that the average Manga has a generic MC design, so even though it's a flaw I hate the way the faggots on this board talk as if OP is trash when he is almost at amateur level.. Give the guy some more years, you don't call someone shit just because they're doing exactly what they're supposed to. You faggots keep acting like no one is qualified to post their work. All of you retards need to quit pretending that your unfinished sketches are good you dunning kruger faggots

>>3258603
Dude, this faggot has been drawing like this for years now with no improvement, he's a lost case. And keeps redrawing the same chapter multiple times and even makes them shittier.

What do you guys think about my work? I'm going for a comic feel.

Go back to your shitty containment board /co/

>>3258624
>Using this thread for self shilling

Please kill yourself.

>>3258603
>He's literally almost at the level Oda and others started at
Don't you dare disrespect Oda like that. The hyw nigger can't even get fundimentals of perspective and contrast right

>>3258631
This, Oda's work isn't a display of lack of skill, it was a high stylization.

>>3258532
>it doesn't have anything to it that's interesting
that's just your opinion man, the story will get more intresting once it picks up

whats wrong with the carpets?

>>3258642
The pattern doesn't fit the perspective

>>3258648
oops, was gonna crop but I'm a lazy bastard, whatever

It should look like this

>>3257707
all things aside you need to learn how to draw better asses

>>3258642
>Once it picks up

You mean never?

there's something that pisses me off about this but I can't quite put my finger on it. anyone?

>>3257707
You're going in the right direction but:
>Learn how to typeset
>Learn how to make/do the dialogue (the bubbles)
And also try to make your paneling more dynamic, like in manga. Skew them, flip them, rotate them, just make it more interesting. As it is now, yours resemble more how western comics do it, which in my HUMBLE opinion is VERY boring and feels dull.

You learn all these things by reading more manga. So that's your job. Go read more manga. And not just read. Study up and write down how a specific manga does it as you read. Goodspeed anon.

Also, DON'T LISTEN TO MOST OF THESE "ADVICE" THESE TRASHES AROUND HERE GIVE YOU. Truth is, most of them don't know what they're talking about. Sure your perspective and other minor fundamentals aren't in shape, but that's irrelevant. Your goal is to make manga. In manga good art isn't everything. You'll learn the fundamentals as you go. To learn how to make manga you need to make manga, and manga isn't just art. This is VERY important. Don't forget it.

>>3258808
STFU you stupid cuck

>>3258869
See, this is what I meant. Only idiots are residing here.

Hi, Actually the artist of this work here.

The op was a shitposter trying to defame/bully me. note, that's not my most recent page cause all this guy has is what i've put in hyw

but this is some of the best crit I've gotten from this stupid website in years.
please give more advice.

>>3258984
add on to this

>>3257707
don't fucking post my work cunt. I get it, it's a good meme "oh let's make her look like a dipshit" you succeed, and made my life harder. now fuck off.
go waste your time on your own art instead of wasting time bringing mine down.

>>3258586
in chapter 1 (op posted chapter 3) she used to have a random heavily freckled face, but I got tons of complaints saying it wasn't consistent,

>3258603
>almost at the level oda started at
you're too kind

>>3258808
making dynamic panels is probably the most difficult thing for me to do, and not a lot of people tell me what i'm doing is wrong, a lot of people focus on criticizing the bad character art. pic related is probably the only time someone helped me with the panels and since then I haven't been sure when is the best time to really get creative when them.

>>3258984
>>3259136
OP doesn't seem to be trying to defame you at all though. Not sure why he would make this thread tho

>>3259139
no that is defiantly the case here. I'm kind of infamous in /hyw/. people think I steal from manga or want to be oda when that's not the case.

people saying I haven't improved even though pic related is what I was making a year ago.

this >>3258579 is a common place on all of my posts

I wanted to leave this website but it seems people keep trying to pull me back in

>>3259139
Ive had to deal with people pretending to be me in those threads, replying to crit saying "lol fuck you I'm better post your work" rather than letting me reply to it myself.

>>3259142
>>3259143
Okay, I'm getting what you're trying to say. I saw similar things happening for a few other artists too

But let's establish a few things here, what are your goals?
Are you doing this purely casually? Or do you want to really strive for genuine improvement?

Because I'm gonna be honest, that one-year improvement is extremely weak.

If it's the latter, then I unironically suggest finding a hugbox in DeviantArt to share your stuff with and stop posting here altogether. You have absolutely no reason to post here with your skill level and mindset, unless you're prepared to undergo serious training and have your work being constantly torn apart, deservingly or not.

Posting your work at your currrent skill level just simply provides fuel for crabs and trolls to ignite. It will waste not only your time, but clutter this shithole even more than it currently is

>>3259152
>Are you doing this purely casually? Or do you want to really strive for genuine improvement?
I have trouble with this question. I don't care to make money off my work, I do it for fun. but I want to get better purely so my shit looks better.

>You have absolutely no reason to post here
well it's not like my work was posted here with my consent. I'm just sort of damage controlling it now.

>that one-year improvement is extremely weak
everyone tells me this, but i've been in school the last few months and have barely had time to put out a page a week.

>>3259142

I'd like to read your webcomic! I tried looking thru tineye but no results.

>>3258603
>He's literally almost at the level Oda
>>3257707

>>3259142
>people think I steal from manga or want to be oda when that's not the case.
how delusional can you be? fucking shameless idiot

>>3259136
My main problem is not the art but the wall of text and how it is written.
You do need to proof read your text
>most a my life, immit etc.in the way.

When you can infer a comic just by the text alone, it is a bad comic.

The writing aside please read Understanding Comics by Scott Mccloud.

And don't be too overprotective of your work. Know that you have to break a few eggs to make an omelette, you have to create alot of bad comics to make a good one, so keep on trucking.

>IT'S TOTALLY NOT LUFFY THERE'S LIKE EVERY OTHER MANGAKA THAT DOES BANDAGES
How unoriginal can a retard get? The entire thing is a shitty onepiece ripoff. The art is ugly, the writing is worse. Just looking at the thing is offensive, it's as if you think your readers are braindead kids who'll be OK with your regurgitation of oda's work.

>>3258984
Never stop drawing comics/ manga, anon. You'll get better by drawing it.
Mind posting the full comic? I'd love to give you my 2 cents on the art and story.

>>3258586
>change the freckles, four on each side, while being easy to draw, looks odd
Freckles are often stylized this way, I think it's fine, honestly.

Can't say much about the bandages. I'd not overdo it with them and have them be in context to the story.

>>3258603
What is this post even

> He's literally almost at the level Oda and others started at
Well, everyone started at some level, this is kind of a silly thing to say.

>OP is trash when he is almost at amateur level
Everyone who draws at a hobby is at amateur level. You, me, OP included.

Is this bait? Am I falling for bait?

>>3258984
>Shit poster trying to bully me
>Implying you aren't an insecure piece of shit that needs approval of media

>>3259838
I believe him, the people in /co/s webcomic thread are fucking cancer.

>>3257707
>I'm going for a manga feel
>has western style type setting

this threads still going and people want to read it??? fuck hold on let me boot up my computer and get the link. you're all too kind

>>3259830
this drawing is adorable and that's how I want to draw her hair.

the bandages are just for the beginning of chapter 3, her power made a big boom boom and now shes dealing with that damage
here's the comic btw

>>3259562
http://freakanimes.com/delrubydawn/

preferring this by saying this started back in july so the art for chapter 1 will be even worse than it is now. It is also content I wrote months in advance so it's not going to be a good example of my current writing
I'm on hiatus while working on chapter 3.

>>3259718
ohhh ive already made plenty of bad comics...

>>3259800
I love how unoriginal you are that you posted the same post here and in hyw. good job.

>>3259892
You talk like a a teenager who sniffs glue, your writing reflects that. Absolute trash

>>3258520
>like One Piece
>but has the setting of Trigun
>and the protagonist is Deku with a wig

>>3257707
Ok, to the actual artist of this webcomic, the best advice I think I can give you is to read another manga. Not just for sake of it, but to find another piece of art that you love. Right now your manga copies One Piece so much, because to you, it's like the best manga ever. But you can't beat Oda at his own game. Oda is like a mega-autismo savant genius who works 24/7 on his manga. If you're doing this for fun, I'm going to bet you're not that kind of person.

So you can't make a copy of One Piece and have it be even close to good. No one wants to read a comic that's a worse version of One Piece. You'll always be walking in his shadow. You'll have to branch out and do something different. And that's why you should read something else because he is not the best. He has inspirations and goals. Try reading some of the manga that inspired him, like Dragon Ball or the Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind manga. Be aware of his influences, that way you can catch the train before it arrives at the station, if you're picking up what I'm putting down.

>>3258603
Are you actually OP? This is the kind of bait I would expect from someone trying to defame people. At this stage the editors would just reject him.

>>3258723
Because it doesn't look good.

>>3258808
> DON'T LISTEN TO MOST OF THESE "ADVICE" THESE TRASHES AROUND HERE GIVE YOU. Truth is, most of them don't know what they're talking about. Sure your perspective and other minor fundamentals aren't in shape, but that's irrelevant. Your goal is to make manga. In manga good art isn't everything.
Obviously you don't have to be Michaelangelo to make a good webcomic, but it's still a craft, and sub-par craft means you won't make it. This comic has misplaced facial features and bad perspective. These things make your comic look unprofessional to readers.

>>3260040
cont, to add on what I said to >>3258808 , shiny polish is important to attract readers, and the suggestions he said are important stuff too. To add on to that, make more interesting character designs. That's probably what will get people the most.

>>3258984
I can believe that. It's improved by a tiny fraction. Mostly because OP's page is a boring exposition dump and this page at least has some kind of story going on. But your work still has some of the same problems.

When you just copy someone else's art, you don't understand how it works and you'll be lost doing something out of that zone. Right now you don't know how the human head is shaped, so all the heads look wonky af, especially when seen from the side. And also perspective! See panel 2 of page 1. Why did the book shrink?

I could go on forever, just for fun. Why did we not see the main character's reaction to Deku's mom in Panel 4? Luffy always reacts to stuff a ton, and we get to know how he feels in small things? Was he surprised? He seems indifferent in every other panel, but he suddenly turns to look at her? How come we seem the exact same expression for the girl in Panel 3 and 4, but don't get to see the MC's reaction in 4?

>>3259136
And here you can see how learning drawing fundamentals would seriously help. Your issue is perspective and anatomy. Read Loomis. Learn how to draw figures (with form!) in perspective. Learn how to rotate the human figure from various angles, with various poses Although Luffy is like a rubber man with noodle arms, Oda has a solid understanding of perspective when it counts. The panels are 'dynamic' here but you can't frame a good shot to fit into these panels.

>The webcomic is one piece downgrade with a tranny self insert as main character

>>3259892
Heyo, I'm the anon who did the dumb doodle. I read your first chapter. It's better than expected. That doesn't mean it's good, but you have some promising ideas and interesting bits. If the art was better you might be able to get a following.

What I'd really work on is your storytelling, as I personally would read your comic, if it had better panel layout and more polished dialogue. Your art will get better along the way, so focus on presentation right now. You need to be more mindful about your paneling and shot composition and utilize them to tell your story. I will post some helpful guidelines for you tomorrow (when I'm at my desktop computer)

I'm sorry I won't go in depth on every page, but it's just not worth my time. If I can fit it in, I'll go through a page or two and make some suggestions if the thread's gonna last this long.

A last thing to keep in mind about art: You'll automatically get better, but you have to keep pushing and draw stuff out of yout comfort zone (which I think you do) and keep using reference/ study mangaka you like. If you do this, I promise you'll be better at stylized drawings in a year than most of this board.
Books on drawing the human figure, perspective, rendering and so on can boost your skills a lot, but they are not mandatory and you should never stop drawing your comic until you 'get good'. They are god darn helpful though and worth a look if you seek to improve your drawing skills.

See you tomorrow!

>>3257707
love it, damn good stuff OP

>>3260040
dude I'm gonna be honest. everyone can say I'm this crazy one piece fan and only take inspiration from it, I'm not. it's not even my favorite manga at this point. manga like one piece and dragon ball inspired the adventure feel, while I happen to use a cartoonish artstyle just cause of an art transition, which I regret since I'm starting to take a serious route. take a good look at my old art and you'll see how cartoonish (and bad) it looked https://imgur.com/a/s8VYm

>in manga goof art isn't everything
don't worry I'm not listening to this one,

>>3260054
screenshotted this post

>more interesting character designs.
DUDE THIS IS WHY I'M SO EXCITED TO SHOW OFF CHAPTER 3

as of right now a lot of the characters have been reused or main characters so they cant stand out as much.

my current favorite character comes out of chapter 3 >pic related

a lot of the other characters have different shapes and body types than the main cast. I'm excited to draw them

>>3260274
>keep pushing and draw stuff out of you comfort zone
this is why my comic exists. chapter 4 features a character I'm not sure i'm able to draw yet. the two library scenes exist for me to really push my background work.

>get human figure books.
buying some after student loans come in.

>>3258624
Are you a jew by any chance?

since I've been getting "pam looks like luffy" complaints for months now i decided id fuck with the designs a bit. next page will be on bodys rather than just heads.

>>3260493
I'm just saying that I drew like you when I was into One Piece. Dot eyes and stuff.

>>3260564
oh no dude, the eyes go way back before I watched one piece. I just think traditional "anime eyes" look kind of dumb in my art style.

I can already tell I'm going to have problems getting used to the new detailed hair.

>>3260525
Nope! 100% christian boy!

>>3260560
>these flat fucking faces
Fix that shit before you care about """design"""

>>3260868
post work

>>3257707
the worst part is by far the ass. jesus, just at least fix that one part. please.

>>3261109
the artist here. no one needs to post their work to post crit. yeah my anatomy's shit.

>>3260493
Here are the promised guidelines & tutorials

1/5

>>3261300
2/5

>>3261301
3/5

>>3261304
4/5

Your sense of space and relationships between objects are definitely fucked and your anatomy too. You gotta work on your draftsmanship if you want to be a mangaka

>>3261307
5/5

Also some book recommendations for visual storytelling and comic making are Scott McCloud's "Understanding Comics" and Marcos Mateu's "Framed Ink", both wonderful books that are worth their money.

>>3261301
>>3261304
>>3261307
>images get smaller with every post
ffs anon if you're going to post tutorials at least get them in the original resolution first

>>3261325
Sorry, I sloppily saved them from https://www.instagram.com/grizandnorm/

Hope that helps. Also they're big enough to read in my opinion.

>>3261300
Why did you save the ugly version?

>>3261453
>>3261300
I'm probably gonna be hated for this but the example paneling shown here are very bad and boring.
Seriously, why can't western comics into paneling?
Pick any regular manga and you see a much better and varied way of paneling. It not only makes manga a pleasure to read, but it looks good too. I really hope you won't fall down this rabbithole OP.