/ic/ - Artwork/Critique

>>5217529
I had a bit of a panic attack the other night around 2 am. It was not the first time but the first time recently where I realized it's very possible that I really will just be alone forever.

I have this defense mechanism built in where I just assume I'll meet someone eventually. And it's painful when I admit to myself that that is not a guarantee and that the scales are tipping in the other direction the older I get.

If my way hasn't worked up to now, why would it suddenly work in the future?

I'm not a virgin or anything. I've had a few girlfriends, but it's been more than 4 years. And I haven't even seen a female who wasn't a family member since before Corona, let alone go on a date.

I know I won't live forever but the idea that my family genes dies with me because I couldn't impregnate a girl is so painfully pathetic, it's no wonder I invented that defense mechanism.

Hate my job. Lonely. Bad relationship parents. Health failing. Depression. Shameful porn addiction. Number of friends down to 4 and dropping. Not improving at drawing. Dead of winter. Country subverted by communists. Election stolen. Police will not protect you. Mass internet censorship. Privacy and anonymity disappearing. Gay people and fat bitches all over the TV. Everyone constantly demonizes you for your race, while simultaneously calling you racist for being that race. You are sexist because of your sex. Cultural and history being erased. Can't even go in a fucking vacation because the government is violating my human rights with a travel ban.