/ic/ - Artwork/Critique

>>3267929
This is actually really well done- they layouts especially are well crafted as well as the story being interesting but not crowded with plot. I had a great time reading this, so thanks for sharing.
That being said you have to remember the overall goal here- to get published in one of the most popular manga magazines in the world.
As much as the thin and broken line-work appeals to me- it won't fly by JUMP's standards. And yeah they do have their moments of QUALITY but overall there is more detail put into the work.
Cleaner lines mainly on your character drawings, make them have a little more pop as it were. One Piece, (I don't read but what I see) is a good example to look at, sometimes there's absolutely nothing going on in a panel other than a character speaking, but that character is drawn out- more details of their faces and what not. The simplistic style is nice, but be careful to make sure that characters you want remembered have a distinct look on their face, because sometimes that's all you'll end up working with. Example attached: what's the difference between the two girls- just the hair? Does it matter? Do you want the reader to know who is important and who is not?.
'Course if you don't give a shit about the contest then it still applies, but you can put a little less pressure on yourself. I'm no master but I really like what you've got and I hope I can help in some way.