/ic/ - Artwork/Critique

>Comparing drawings from a year ago to my current notebook
>I've gotten significantly worse

Goddammit I fucking hate this shit so much. I wish I could just stop drawing and do something else, but I'm suck a fucking autist I couldn't stop myself from drawing even if I threw out all of my notebooks because then I'd just start drawing on pieces of scrap paper and post-it notes and shit. The worst part about me sucking so bad?
I draw cartoons. That's it.
I'm so fucking retarded that I can't even draw cartoons. And I've been doing this shit for almost 3 years. I feel like every time I try to study or learn something new, it just gets shoved into the back of my brain and never actually gets used because I have no fucking idea how to apply it to the shit I'm drawing. Either that, or I really am a complete sped and this is just a wake-up call. I have almost every artbook and fundie gains material ever shared on this board on my computer and it still isn't enough. I mean, why the fuck would it be if I just absolutely refuse to learn any of the shit in front of me, right?
I can't even play vidya anymore because then it just reminds me that I'll never be able to draw any of the cool shit that I'm looking at. I just feel like at this point the only thing I can do is either claw my fucking eyes out and go blind or or just die. I've had people IRL tell me to go to art school if it's fucking me up this bad, but from what I've read here and from a few artists I look up to online art school is a fucking joke. At the same time, I'm too stupid to be eligible for any of the careers I actually give a shit about, so I don't know. Maybe art school is my last chance to finally actually LEARN something.