/ic/ - Artwork/Critique

FUCK I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING WORK
I HAVE TO WORK I HAVE TO STUDY I KNOW BUT FUCK I JUST WANT TO SIT AT HOME AND DRAW

How come I get no fucking support in my life, no one ever patted me on the head or told me I did a good job all I got was more fucking criticism.
My sister is spending her life drawing, sitting at 300k+ followers, while even after toiling away as hard as I can 6-8 hours a day for years I can't even make anything I'm happy with.
Is every fucking male in my family cursed to be a fucking mentally ill, aggravated failure?

Why am I such a disconnected asshole? Everyone in the world is starting to look like some bag of flesh with a function. When did it all go fucking wrong?
I used to be a nice kid, really empathetic, I remember running 4km just to give some poor guy $20 when these days I can barely give enough of a shit to give directions to a blind man.

I hate being religious, every single moment of it. I hate being a slave to some great being who's idea of justice is either endless hedonistic pleasure or eternity in torture.
I don't want a golden mansion in heaven with a harem of women, I just want to fucking draw nice pictures and comics, so my only incentive is to avoid eating my own flesh in hell.

I want to go back, I want to fix all this shit but I can't because I have no idea why it happened in the first place