/ic/ - Artwork/Critique

Since several months ago I made lewds of the girls from Shirobako that were relatively dull and flat and lifeless and were basically just pure traces, I decided to go back and redo them all using the methods of trying to do original things/not suck that I've picked up in the past few months.

I wanted to present this because I wanted to call attention to the torso and area between the collarbone and breasts, as I have a bad tendency to draw one or both of these areas too tall. Naturally I am inclined to believe that other things are anatomically wrong so I would appreciate if someone could dissect this.