/ic/ - Artwork/Critique

>>3146799
>>3144941
The idea is pretty fun, but for the writing you fall into the same traps most manga writers do.
Go easy on the exposition and the animu babbling, use your characters expressions, don't narrate what their face is showing, less is more. Stop bringing up how Dracula is a cute girl, we get it. It's funnier if other characters don't really acknowledge it, and it's easier for the reader to ignore that this is your fetish.

For example, Page 9 is redundant, Dracula insists on asking why he was revived as a girl, and even though I laughed at the splash page of moe Igor, page 2 already told us what we need to know with a much better punchline.
Igor's reaction could be used in another joke, and the bit about Dracula being brought back with a fraction of his power could easily be inserted after page 3, when he realizes Igor didn't die from his punch.

Page 16, last panel, he already acknowledged Dracula's appearance before, no need to bring that up again just for that cheesy line we heard a thousand times before "I almost feel bad blablabla". Also, "I was listening to your chat outside"? What? Was this diva waiting to make his dramatic entrance?

Page 25, panel 1, you don't need to explain this, we can easily deduce what is happening, overexplaining everything is a terrible vice in manga, don't do it. We also don't need to know right away the reason for Dracula not being hurt by sunlight, it's ok to keep the readers in the dark. You didn't need to stop the action just to explain that, you could have waited until the fight was over to have Dracula ask Igor about it and have the information delivered more organically.

For the drawings, Dracula's character design could be touched up a bit, the rest is perfect. Loli Dracula isn't cute enough, his main problem being his permanent creepy eyes. The eyes needs to be full anime, and then get small and scary when he is angry.
(2/3)