/ic/ - Artwork/Critique

>>2529574
I'm not OP but here's a quick and sloppy paintover (sorry, done on laptop without proper tools).

The pose is weird in yours, like she is leaning oddly and I'm not really sure what type of body language you are going for as some things are contradicting each other. She is stiff and her clenched fist by her chin seem to indicate a self consciousness and nervousness, like she is apprehensive of the viewer. But her leaning towards us and the way she looks seems more "come hither". Mine is quick and dirty and a bit too stiff perhaps but I wanted her to be more nervous and frozen up like she is uncomfortable around the viewer.

The rimlight is poorly handled in yours--it is thick and uniform everywhere. It should have more variety, being thicker or thinner depending on the specific form it goes over, and the edge should vary a bit more. I downplayed the rimlight on her arm and played it up on her hair more an brought some colour in it too since she is brunette and the backlight would bring in some oranges. The backlight should hit her dress too to be consistent.

Other nitpicks: the brow above her right eye (our left) is a bit strong, the arms are lumpy and can be simplified, the light can fade off a bit as it gets farther from her head, I added some backlit hair flowing to the left to help balance things a bit more and keep the focal point at her face, I downplayed the value changes around her collarbones.