/ic/ - Artwork/Critique

I-i gotta make a confession guys.

4 years ago i stumbled upon this board. Mostly lurked, leeched some stuff from the artbook thread, sometimes even posted and asked for advice in the /beg/ thread. (some people were saying i had solid fundamentals so i don't need advice anymore. I was just a retard who did stuff once a month for 2-3 days, then quit it all, started again. Had some nice moments during my smoke/alcohol fueled nightly binges but that was all).
So ffw to the start of this challenge. Didn't draw much back then but desperately wanted to get better. thought maybe i could do this as to force myself. If you got a force pulling you then you will go along right??? Didn't even do day 3... That drawing is still in my shelf along with all my pencils, pens, dried up paint and prolly fosillized markers.
That was what, 2 years ago? Didn't even touch my pen tablet or my toned papers... Every time, every SINGLE time i tried starting again and just casually drawing, it just didn't come. Nothing. Sitting above the paper/canvas and staring, not even making a mark. It's not that i was afraid, i was jsut bored and wated to doodle some shit. I just couldn't.

I feel like a fucking hack and a traitor. I promised that i'll get better at it, i promised and i betrayed myself... Fuck it, it's not even do or die for me (well it was but life changes stuff). Why? I loved doing it soo goddamn much. Most of the time i couldn't even wait to get out of school/university to finally draw at home, now i can't even bring myself to make a mark on the paper. Got so much free time now that my job is stable and my relationship also... Now i'm 25 and although my life is relatively stable and comfortable, my drive and my soul went to waste...

Well this is the blogpost i just wanted to write out. I would like to ask you people for forgiveness, and show an example of what not to become. Sorry anons who i never knew, i'm sorry... This is the last shitty doodle i made and prolly ever will...