/ic/ - Artwork/Critique

>feel pretty good about a drawing
>do the mirror check
>cringe at my own work

>>2019072
Ok i have one serious one.
>start drawing in 2007 after leaving your office work
>gain so much skills after 3 years
>even super professional people who avoided or laughed at your skills back in 2006, apllause you and add you everywhere
>work in a videogame industry
>2013
>out of no reason im leaving drawing because of depression. i can't explain why, may be because i live alone and have no friends or may be because i draw unpopular stuff (no cute things, not so many girls, mostly experimental character designs and fanarts on some autistic stuff, people like me but i still wish i was a bit more "normal" because i see how much stuff other artists achieve at my level just because they tend to draw things that have more "power" in society)
>2014. didn't do that much. Literally only few things. And some things for Ipad games here and there.
>2015, March. Working on a bigger project for an ipad game, returning for my "true self", keep promising myself i will not compare my vision to other people and become an artist again.
What the fuck..i literally erased 1.5 year of my art life because of depression.
It also had some negative leftovers - it's still hard to me to start drawing. When i go and sit...i instantly stand up and want to go away from my PC because of some shitty unexplained feels...
I tend to think it's because i have no friends to talk to. Through my life everybody i knew, hated artists and art. I can be an artist only in the internet when in freelancing or posting stuff to DA.

Alright, so I recently started drawing and when I look at my art it makes me want to puke, but that's to be expected.

However, I also have type 2 bipolar disorder and I very easily get extremely jealous. My friends draw, and I used to always go to them whenever I wanted something drawn because they were pretty nice about it, but now that I've started drawing myself, whenever I look at my art which makes me disgusted and their art which is great, it makes me want to kill myself even on a good day. Also, I tend to cry a lot when I see a picture or something that I like now because somewhere in my mind something's telling me that I'll never be that good.

I'm wondering, should I just quit drawing completely? I have fun when I'm doing it but when I've finished drawing I get really depressed or angry, and I'm usually too depressed to start drawing again. On the other hand, if I keep drawing, I'm pretty sure something'll break my threshold and I'll kill myself, which to me isn't really an awful scenario on a good day and is something I have to force myself into not doing on a bad day. Having said that, the reason I picked up drawing in the first place was because I have nothing else to do with my time and when I get bored I tend to consider committing suicide a lot more.

I'd post some of my art but I don't want to hear "It doesn't look half as bad as you make it out to be" because that just pisses me off, and if it really is as bad as I think it then that just means I have to climb even higher to get to a point I can consider decent.


tl;dr If drawing makes me want to kill myself, should I stop?