/ic/ - Artwork/Critique

>>3729186
I constantly have dreams where I draw and I'm actually good.

>>3417519
>>3417618
>How am I supposed to learn anything about anatomy if every time I look at a naked person I have a guilt trip?

I wasn't raised Christian but I can definitely relate. I was mentally/verbally abused a lot as a child by my mother and would do whatever she said without question because of it and now I can't draw anything that I don't think she would approve of.

What I mean is, when I got to my teenage years like most teenagers I got tired of drawing cutesy stuff and realism and started drawing edgy stuff, comic book characters, monsters, etc., and she'd tell me that was wrong so I'd either stop completely or I'd incorporate some weird humor into it i.e I'd make the monster do something cute. It's weird and hard to explain, I know that doesn't sound so bad but she was this weird new-ager type who'd told me my whole life that whatever I was "sending out into the universe" would have consequences, for example when I was a kid, whenever I'd draw monsters or snakes she'd tell me I'd literally manifest that somehow, or whenever watch an action movie/horror movie she'd tell me that I'd have literal serial killers coming after me. Whenever something bad happened in her life, even really small shit like losing her keys or dropping some money, she'd yell at and punish me for somehow doing it because I was "a negative thinker", I remember this one time when I was 8 I kept asking for a guinea pig in the weeks leading up to my next birthday and in that time frame a rat ran into our house so she killed it, showed me the carcass and then screamed at me for hours that I had done it and I genuinely thought I did.

I'm 20 now and I still can only very occasionally draw things I like without greatly altering it in some way to soften the image and I fucking hate this weird Pavlovian mindfuck shit so damn much. I mean it's not as bad as the weird delusions I get sometimes that I can inadvertently control the universe with my mind but this is the worst art feel of mine

Just like in my japanese web novels