/ic/ - Artwork/Critique

>>4499181
there are very few times in my life when ive actually been proud of myself. i view every accomplishment as me barely getting by with the absolute minimum required to not die or be in jail. i know that isn't exactly true but i don't relate to being proud. i mean... do you watch porn in secret that you hide from your friends? you have to delete your browser history before they come over because i do and im not proud of that. do you smoke weed? if so why cant you be happy without it? if not why not? in my case it was contributing to depression and making me lazy and giving me panic attacks in the middle of the night. Should I be proud that I stopped? No, I'm not proud. I didn't have a choice. Who the fuck would put themselves through that. I had this goal in 2018 to commit to a gym, get a personal trainer, eat right. I did it.. I put on 15 lbs of muscle. I hated every second of it and on January 1st of 2019 I quit because I finished the task I haven't been back to a gym since. I can't be proud of that. Even if I was still going, why do you need a trainer? Most people don't have to waste 500 bucks a month to pay some 23 year old to help them. No matter what I do it isn't good enough.

I'm single. Why? I don't blame women for not wanting to fuck me. They can definitely do better. I make 50 grand a year. I live in a tiny studio apartment. Im out of shape. Instead of saving up for a house, going to school to try to make more money, getting a second job or working out what do I do with my time? I try to improve my drawings because for some reason that is the thing taking priority in my life. It's so important that I don't quit this one thing. And how's my progress? Really fucking slow. Imperceptibly incremental. I'm better than a normie who puts no work into drawing. Should I really be proud of that?