/fa/ - Fashion

[Anonymous No.7745888]

I had a pretty weird day yesterday. Thought I'd share:

I work(ed) at a real estate development firm in Chicago. My boss is out all week and I was gonna be doing boring shit in Excel all day, so I drank two Black Box wines (13% alcohol wine. the malt liquor of wine, I guess. Saw this shit for the first time at a CVS) while walking from the train station to the office.

Came in, got situated, fucked around on the internet for a while and started doing some work. I got bored and went downstairs for a smoke. The building I work at has a Holiday Inn and an art institute in it too, so there's always a lot of people outside the front coming and going.

I smoked a cigarette, talked with some strangers, and decided I was too sober for such a lovely day. I walked to the 7-11 a block away and bought two more of those shits and consumed them with my face.

After this point, the day had a lot of blurry and outright blacked-out regions. Oh yeah, I had also taken 4mg of Klonipin the night before and it was still definitely affecting me.

[Anonymous No.7745897]

>lol look at me drugs and alcohol so edgy

[Anonymous No.7745899]

I spent some more time chain smoking and talking to people out front. Next thing I know, I'm back in my office sitting in my desk. I had fallen asleep and I wake up to two HR chicks staring at me all concerned-like.

They ask me what the deal is and I'm like, I'm just tired as fuck from classes and work and other shit, so I passed out. No biggie. Go back to sending obnoxiously polite rejection emails.

They asked me if I was drinking or anything and I said no, I'm just tired. I'm gonna get back to work now. They insisted I go home and rest and called me a car. I'm like fine, whatever.

Some chick picks me up in a black SUV and we start driving. She turns out to be pretty cute, in her early 30s, and pretty cool to talk to. She periodically would puff on one of those gay little E-cigs. I had a try and it was pretty good actually. But still gay as fuck though.

I had to piss, but she said she wasn't supposed to stop. I told her that's a fucking stupid rule and I would piss out of her window, so we stopped at an IHOP.

[Anonymous No.7745907]

>>7745899
Don't remember how, but I convinced the driver chick to come eat pancakes with me. We did that and kept driving. I had her drop me off at a bar by my house. I'm pretty sure I gave her my number. Not sure though.

So I go in this bar and order a Guiness. We're in the suburbs now, so it's pretty fucking slow. There are two dudes at a table having a drink and I'm feeling sociable, so I come sit down with them.

Don't remember what we talked about at all, but the first dude leaves and for some reason, the second dude drives us to this bar/grill called Twin Peaks that's like Hooters.

Suddenly, this dude who's fat and like 45 starts talking about gay shit. He's like, would you be open to me sucking you off? I'm like I'm good bro. He says some more shit and before I know it, dude unzips my jeans and has his hand on my shaft. I was pretty smashed already and this happened pretty quickly. And I was counting on him to get me back to my car which was at the train station. So I kind of just went with it.

We get there and he still wants to blow me. I tell him I'm going in to stare at butts and drink liquor and he comes in with me. I was gonna go to the bar, but he insists on sitting at a table.

[Anonymous No.7745910]

>>7745907
Oh yeah, I drove by this Twin Peaks joint for years before ever going in. Its slogan is "Eats, Drinks, and Scenic Views."

I was always like, what fucking views? That bitch is facing a highway and a shopping plaza. Scenic views as in girlie parts, get it? lewllewllewl

Anyway,
We have a drink each and he's trying to get us out of there. At this point, I've decided that I'm not doing this shit. Mind you, I considered it. I'm totally straight, but dude was convincing and said he gives awesome head. But I'm like, nah fuck that shit.

He's saying he has to go feed his dog. I don't really give a shit about his dog. So he eventually leaves. I have a few more drinks and talk to some random people. Then, I realize my car is like 4 miles away, I'm smashed, it's 10:30pm, and I don't know anyone here. And some old white guy just tried to blow me, which is fucking weird to me.

[Anonymous No.7745915]

>>7745910
So I go have a smoke in the parking lot and walk up to some random dude walking to his truck. I don't remember what I said, but he agreed to drive me to the train station my car was at.

We get there, I thank him, and I get in my car. Now, I should have gone home at this point. I had to be up at 6am to get to class. But I drove back to fucking Fridays and went in.

Oh, and the first time I was there, I left without paying. I didn't pay at Twin Peaks either. So I go back in and have some drinks and bullshit with the patrons and with the bar staff (1 dude and a girl).

Then, this cute brunette chick in a black hoodie and a great ass with her hair in a bun walks in and orders some food at the bar. I sit next to her and talk to her for a bit. She's pretty cool. I'm very drunk. Everyone in that bitch is having a good time.

It's like midnight now. I try to convince the girl to spontaneously go see a movie with me. She says she has some shit in the morning. I tell her that her shit is gay and to ditch it. At one point, she's like, "I really feel like just not going to school tomorrow blalabla." I couldn't think of anything to say to tip her over the edge and fuck off with me, so I left. She said to come back on Wednesday. Apparently, she's a regular. But I'm thinking fuck that shit.

Oh, and she went to the bathroom at one point and the lady bartender is like trying to give me tips on getting with her. Guys, never take tips on women from women. She then asked if I was planning on paying this time. I tipped that ho two dollars hard cash.

[Anonymous No.7745919]

This is the worst fucking thread in the world

[Anonymous No.7745921]

>>7745915
So anyway, I fucking went home and fell asleep trying to jerk off.

So today, I get a call from work and tl;dr: They tell me some people saw me drinking alcohol outside of the building (I know, how fucking stupid can you be? Well, I've done much dumber shit, but anyway) and I'm fired.

Shit sucks, but whatever. I'm a white male with all the right shit going for me. I'll be fine. Manifest destiny, motherfuckers.

[Anonymous No.7745931]

>>7745921
So today, I'm sitting in class and I get a call from a restricted number. I walk outside and take it and guess who it is. It's fucking Blowjob Billy from down the way. I tell him I'm in class and I can't talk. He says when can I call you. I say I don't fucking know, I can't talk.

Oh, and when I was at the bar with him, he kept saying how glad he was he met me and shit. Was kind of odd.

Later, I get this text:

12:17pm: "This Dre from the college"

Me (5:02pm): What's up

Dre (5:20pm): What up I'm with my girl you ok bro lol you were gone but I gave that girl your number tho seem like she liked u haha

Dre (8:36pm): Was gud tho I'm headed backthat way

Me (8:38pm Wait who is this

[Anonymous No.7745936]

>>7745931
Dre (8:40pm): This Dre the Latin guy from the college bro

Me (8:41pm): What's up dude
*I still have no idea who the fuck this is at this point

Dre (8:42pm): Wat up bro lemme kno if u need any green n how that girl turn out Mallary

Dre (8:50pm): That's her name but lemme kno i got that. Green

Then, like 90 minutes ago, I got a text from this chick who I apparently met and we're texting now.

I texted this Dre dude and asked if she's cute and he replied in the affirmative, so I'm gonna set something up.

I now come to the tragic realization that this thread has been rather anticlimactic and probably disappointing.

Ask me anything, I guess.

I'm just fucking confused they cared so much I was drunk at work. I'm of age and it's owned by a fucking Wall St. prop trading firm. They're all a bunch of fucking degenerates.

[friend No.7745946]

>>7745936
dre finall snapped, his mom found out that he fucking failed english 102 again and he can't read or write for shit. He has been drinking all morning and I am trying to get him to let me use his car cause ill be fucked if im gonna take another cab to go job hunting. That shit is just fucked. Sorry this is all on big shit show of a run on sentence but i gotta run he's making a grab at my girls ass.

[Anonymous No.7745951]

>>7745946
looled
+1

[Anonymous No.7745965]

Cant believe I fucking read all that, OP
I'm having a pretty extraordinary day myself too. It rained outside and i caught myself 2 snails (I think one of them died)
Pic related of course

[Anonymous No.7745975]

>>7745965
I was genuinely surprised when I didn't see a turn in a sink.

[Anonymous No.7745989]

>>7745975
Srr I've been slacking lately, it's getting pretty dirty and messy around my household

[Anonymous No.7745990]

woat thread

[Anonymous No.7746035]

[Anonymous No.7746070]

>>7745989
>>7745965
Anon, please don't pick up snails! The sudden movement scares them so bad that they're likely to die of shock.

[Anonymous No.7746146]

>>7746070
Ok I'll put them back

[Anonymous No.7746163]

>>7746070
source?

[asokone !YCy9b1o.Rs No.7746190]

this thread

[Anonymous No.7746197]

tl;dr

i understand you're probably going through dgaf phase but be careful with benzos and alchohol.

seriously OP.

[Anonymous No.7746237]

>>7746070
>Anon, please don't pick up snails!
Why did I lol at this

[Anonymous No.7746350]

I have nobody to do anything with on valentines day what do I do?

check em

[Anonymous No.7746355]

>>7746350
lmao fuccboi get some real dubs

[Anonymous No.7746374]

>>7746350
Where do you live? Wanna come hang? We can go to a stormdrain somewhere and pick up snails on our hoodies and sweatpants then watch them figure out salt maze whilst listening to chillwave

[Anonymous No.7746375]

>>7746355
oh sh-

[Anonymous No.7746382]

i'm so tired but i have to write this essay this sucks

[Anonymous No.7746401]

this fucking thread jesus fuck

[Anonymous No.7746405]

So I'm gonna hang out with this chick who texted me. This is kind of exciting. I have no memory of what she looks or acts like.

[Anonymous No.7746411]

>>7746374
Sorry damn. I just realized what I said, I meant bush or tree not stormdrain. Theres nothing but fucking worms and cockroaches there.

[Anonymous No.7746447]

>>7746405
ha

[Anonymous No.7746526]

>>7746070
>>7746146
>>7745965
FUCK.

[the cosmicbutt experiment !!qblBZSgYzBX No.7746532]

i'm so confused

[Anonymous No.7746551]

>>7745965
make them fight in a salt arena

[Anonymous No.7746555]

>>7745989
the snales r my favorite part
can u timestamp em

[Anonymous No.7746560]

this is the best thread I've seen in a while

should i get op's picture screen printed on a shirt

[Anonymous No.7746561]

>>7746555
>>7746551
Srr already put them back into the wild
I can find more but /an/ons wont like it

[/an/ president No.7746603]

>>7746561
represenative of sn/an/les here

im allowin u 2 bring in snales if u leave a trail of bread crumbs so they can find their way back out

[Anonymous No.7746635]

OP has set up a meetup with mystery chick for tomorrow. I checked with my acquaintance who is hard of typing and he confirms that she is cute, so I feel confident moving forward on this deal Gordon Gekko.

OP is sitting here drunk and high on DMT and feeling very sociable. Let's talk about life, fashion board.

[Anonymous No.7746643]

>>7745989

Get half a dozen more and cook them.

http://www.marmiton.org/recettes/recette_escargots-de-bourgogne_53773.aspx

[Anonymous No.7746639]

>>7746603
Can only find one this time srr

[Anonymous No.7746658]

lmao op that was embarrassing

stop calling things gay too its not edgy

[Anonymous No.7746659]

>>7746639
Then it is by default the victor. Create a victory hat for it.

[Anonymous No.7746664]

>>7746658
I'm not trying to be edgy dude, it's just how I talk. I'm not the typical /fa/ type. You wouldn't think I come to this board, or 4chan at all.

[Anonymous No.7746670]

>>7746664
>it's just how I talk
aight well you sound 12 lol

[Anonymous No.7746675]

>>7746659
The man doesnt look like he wants to be messed with right now

[Anonymous No.7746677]

>>7746670
I probably come off that way online. I can see that. I just got out of the military, so I'm kind of used to a hyper masculine culture.

[Anonymous No.7746678]

>>7745888
You go to Roosevelt don't you?

[Anonymous No.7746679]

>>7746678
Nope

[Anonymous No.7746680]

>>7746675
You realise the citric acid in his victory hat is most likely melting his flesh right?

[Anonymous No.7746681]

>>7746677
> I just got out of the military, so I'm kind of used to a hyper masculine culture.
wow sort yourself out dude
im sure you come off that way in real life too

[Anonymous No.7746684]

>>7746680
I cleaned it bro

[Anonymous No.7746697]

>>7746679
Where do you go? you sound like a bro.

[Anonymous No.7746703]

>>7746697
UIC

>>7746681
Yeah, I'm fucking loud and obnoxious and I say what's on my mind and I like to have fun and take risks. Sue me, pony boy.

[Anonymous No.7746712]

>>7746684
No, no, you didn't.
Its dying.
Now its probably dead.

[Anonymous No.7746713]

>>7746703
ok be a knob if u like i just cant understand how that could feel good

[Anonymous No.7746734]

>>7746712
Are you sure anon? I can post a video of him riding around on his 24 inch chrome right now

[Anonymous No.7746750]

>>7746734
Do it.

[Anonymous No.7746751]

>>7746734
post a fit w/ the snale

[Anonymous No.7746762]

>>7746751
seconded

[Anonymous No.7746763]

>>7746750
http://youtu.be/dr4NB8H2oHA
Srr about the quality I'm on 4G connection with my phone so cant post HD videos

[Anonymous No.7746767]

>>7746763
Snail is confirmed healthy and hauling ass in his sweet new fit

[Anonymous No.7746768]

>>7746763
Okay, I believe you now.
You should het a black sharpie and color his hat. If you have some monochrome color utensils, toss on a geobasket V shape on the side.

[Anonymous No.7746770]

>>7746684
frothing = dying
:(

[Anonymous No.7746775]

>>7746763
r u chewing gum?
also i think snails like chalk

[Anonymous No.7746781]

>>7746768
I have no sharpie just ballpoint pens damn
Heres a what-I-wore-in-the-rain-at-2am-catching-snails fit
>>7746775
No the background noise is from the rain outside

[Anonymous No.7746815]

Ok since I cant turn him gothninja I added a dope bling on his whip because I can tell by the way he doesnt eat my bread that he's punk rock
Dont worry its not heavy I promise, he climbed all the way up here on it

[Anonymous No.7746844]

>>7746815
Yo OP here high as fuck and I know I'm a fucking weirdo. But is it me, or is this some strange ass shit to do? Like, this takes a special type of person to do shit like this.

[Anonymous No.7746851]

>>7746844
Snail here
I'm just in a really good mood since I havent seen the rain in a while
Strange or not? You decide, I dunno

[Anonymous No.7746859]

>>7746851
whre do you live snail

[Anonymous No.7746862]

>>7746844
>>7746851
dont listen to him snale dude hes just bitter u made his shitty thread good

also u should rhinestone that shit

[Anonymous No.7746873]

>>7746859
>>7746862
SoCal ._.
I'm trying to find materials that sticks to his hat but no luck, guess I'm gonna leave him alone now, on his way to pulling hoes and stack mad dairy

[Anonymous No.7746891]

>>7746873
im so confused

[Anonymous No.7746896]

>>7746873
i jus realized ive been spellin snail like "snale" goddamn
ripipip snale, get that dairy locked down

[Anonymous No.7747071]

Best thread I've seen hands down.

[Anonymous No.7747127]

I went to gym today now I'm at my friends and they're drinking to go out and I'm not I'm on 4chan idc things are pretty grey idk why you know when you wake up and a wave of depression just washes over you it's like that just not as bad

[Anonymous No.7747136]

>>7745897
>daring to have fun
don't be a wet blanket

[Anonymous No.7747237]

I just looked at my penis and it looks awful. I think I need to moisturize it. Awful penis.

[Anonymous No.7747339]

My favourite sentence in this thread is

>You realise the citric acid in his victory hat is most likely melting his flesh right?

[Anonymous No.7747361]

So surreal

[Anonymous No.7747374]

dogs fucked the pope, no fault of mine

[Anonymous No.7747386]

>>7745965
>>7745989
>>7746070
>>7746146
>>7746237
I like this series of posts. It reminds me of the internet when it was less widespread and when people were more friendly.

[Anonymous No.7747397]

>>7747386
This, I'm not trying to be that guy but its as if we were in 2006 for a short while

[Anonymous No.7747887]

This is one bizarre ass thread but I liek it :3

[Anonymous No.7748101]

yo is this thread for fuckin' real?

Kinda liked it doe

Captcha: epalahe alcoholized

[Anonymous No.7748117]

best thread

[airsoft_kid_97 No.7748126]

getting drunk is so fucking bomb. its awesome when my older brother buys us booze. we throw bashers and get wasted.

[the cosmicbutt experiment !!qblBZSgYzBX No.7748158]

>>7748126

your gimmick is funny but it's gonna get old really fast

[Anonymous No.7748172]

where you at snailbro

[Anonymous No.7748179]

K I'm confused, is snail guy the OP?

[Anonymous No.7748200]

His swag cap fell off :(
And he is nowhere to be found

[Anonymous No.7748222]

>>7748200
goodbye snail-bro

I hope you fuck a bunch of snail-sluts

[Anonymous No.7748228]

i woke up today

i had a phone interview for a coop

it went well

and now i have two interviews set up

i have no dress shoes and i just have a single blue zara suit and a flowery j crew tie so i think im gonna have to ask for advice l8r

i skipped my first class because why not
and i'm skipping my second class because i haven't gone since the first week and going would be a waste of time because i don't know any of the material

i haven't eaten today

i was thinking about jerking off but my stolen brazzers account got banned

pic related

[Anonymous No.7748248]

Look what I got yesterday

feelsgoodman.jpg

[Anonymous No.7748313]

I blew two loads on my girlfriend's butt yesterday.
Had a pretty good day.
We watched Hercules and Kronk's New Groove.
/fa/ why does my ear being breathed in feel so good?

[the cosmicbutt experiment !!qblBZSgYzBX No.7748327]

>>7748313

why would you watch a straight-to-DVD spinoff of the Emperor's New Groove????

also Yzma is beautiful

[Anonymous No.7748358]

>>7748248
Even on a paper napkin, shit. Jelly.

[Anonymous No.7748369]

>>7748327
She wanted to.
I chose Hercules.
What movie should we watch next?

[Anonymous No.7748374]

I'm trying to find my way into audio equipment but it seems I'm just too dense

[the cosmicbutt experiment !!qblBZSgYzBX No.7748396]

>>7748369

ace ventura pet detective

[Anonymous No.7748444]

>>7748396
Alright, we've never seen that, so we'll probably have fun having that if we don't start making out in the middle of it and stop paying attention to it.

[Anonymous No.7748453]

>>7748444
post pics of ur gf so we know she is a qt

[Anonymous No.7748457]

>>7748444
I like to use movie nights as a way to fuck my gf too.

[Anonymous No.7748482]

>>7748453
nah, she's a pretty important person in DECA - so she probably doesn't the public to know that her bf is an avid channer.
>>7748457
We used to just watch movies, but once we started making out we've only seen one or two movies since then without ending up sprawled out on the bed (we watch movies in my bed for max comfort).

[Anonymous No.7748483]

>>7748444
>>7748457
>letting the hoes distract you from watching a good movie
Full blown plebs

[Anonymous No.7748495]

>>7748483
If the movie is worth watching I don't start making out, faggot.
So far the last movie we've watched that we didn't make out through it was The Big Lebowski or.... can't remember the other possibility.

[I'm a guy btw No.7748547]

>>7745888
nice trips

>be last night
>snort 4mg of klonipin
>go home
>had weird dreams
>ask brother if i talked in my sleep
>he says "mom don't let the baby giraffe kill me"
>see this fucking picture

how does this shit happen

[Anonymous No.7748576]

my thursday was cool as fuck

>finish work at 2pm
>smoke a spliff with friends
>go to the musem
>shit this is cool as fuck
>afterwards go to vietnamese restaurant buy one of them sandwiches with cilantro and pork on baguette
>fall asleep in taxi on way home

9/10 would repeat

[Anonymous No.7748620]

>>7748358
Don't worry you'll find someone anon :)

[Anonymous No.7748652]

>>7748576
>one of them sandwiches with cilantro and pork on baguette

shiiit nigga you ate a Banh Mi

[Anonymous No.7748680]

>>7748327
Is Yzma /fa/?

[Anonymous No.7748685]

>>7748652
>Banh Mi
>not Banh Mi Thit
Full kek

[Anonymous No.7748819]

>>7748482
Is deca a hs thing?

[Anonymous No.7750099]

tfw drinking by yourself on a friday night