I don't know if my story helps any anons, but I hope so
When I was just hitting puberty, I got weirdly into Deidara. I viewed him as the ideal body, and wanted desperately to look like him, but I was a prepubescent fat boy. I started trying dieting, which didn't really work, but when puberty started, on top of that I started going super hairy, and I was feeling what trannies probably feel when they decide to start transitioning.
Long story short, I realized I'm very far away from the androgynous cute boy image I wanted to be, so I actually ended up embracing my masculinity, which luckily seems to be pretty high test. I'm pretty good with girls, but I'll seek out cute androgynous boys to fuck, which I guess is my way of trying to approach that fantasy.
All in all, like >>15156522 said, it's not achievable, anime in general gives people wrong and harmful impressions of reality