>>11528566
Poor family life also, parents separated at a young age. My dad was/is extremely difficult and my mom was an alcoholic. Both were very dramatic people. I grew up in two different cities trading off weekends so it was hard to make friends, and since I never knew parents that didn't fight I don't feel like I ever learned what a normal family is supposed to be like. So I got very isolated and kept to myself, and since all I knew was screaming and the extremes of things, I became a bit of what on /b/ they call an edgelord and extremely anxious. I was so used to be scared as a kid, as I grew up that fear stuck with me and I've never really been able to get rid of it.
My parents were very "extreme" in thinkers - things were very black or white, not the gray area of real life. So I internalized that and became a black and white thinker myself. For example when losing weight, I don't just lose 10-lbs and be happy, I have to become extremely thin. I'm aware that's my issue now, which makes it better and more manageable, but I still think very much in black and white. I'm either thin, or I'm fat. I'm either smart, or I'm dumb. I'm either helpful, or I'm worthless. It's a very hard thing to nab once an adult, because I've always thought that way.
So here I am on a Mongolian moving cave drawing board drinking a giant bottle of water because an autism frog told me to. Could be worse I guess.
Anyways, that's my baggage.