/fa/ - Fashion

a-are you me?

Meditation

>>6329309
and I hate using the term "outsider" for myself because it seems obnoxious to me like those kids who constantly claim to be different and will go out of their way to prove this. In fact I'd rather not be an outsider I wish that there were a place where I could cope with things in a way or another while retaining my interests and arguable values outside of the internet. The internet has been an extremely helpful tool with this as there are small platforms where this sort of thing is encouraged but it usually consists of people trying to get their own stuff out as well as their friend or those they deem worthy and I am lucky enough to be in that worthy group but I feel that it completely disregards the idea of art as each individual has their own preferences. I dislike more general unimaginative things but there are pools for that as well

>>6329316
It's probably not even the boredom that is bothering me but more the fear over the idea that I am not "moving". In comparison I am moving a little more than others in that I am attending school and sometimes I will go on nature walks but I feel that there is no real "goal" like so what if I get into a technical field it's not a thing that I'm very excited about although hopefully with the money I can have the freedom to live and do things I guess such as travel and maybe meet up with these online acquaintances if we are still friends at this point or if my time at work allows granted that there is vacation time

Ignoring the fact that you're a highschooler on summer vacation...
>my sleep schedule is fucked up
That's really an opinion; back when I was in highschool I'd go to bed at seven am and wake up at four and it was wonderful. If you have a job don't do that, but otherwise embrace it.

>I can't focus on books
When you wake up tomorrow, don't turn your computer on. Don't turn your TV on. Don't look at your phone. Don't play any video games. Get up and make yourself a nice breakfast, then set yourself down somewhere comfortable with the book. Electronic stimulation sort of fucks with your head and takes away the real active sense of reading you can get.

>drawing
Make art! If you're bored, it's wonderful. And it doesn't matter if it's awful. It's fun! and it's not worthless if it helps you.

>outsider
We're all outsiders anon, every one of us and every one of them.

>>6329324
But this is so far away that it's almost crippling and I hate the idea of just existing for 7 years. Part of the problem is the social barrier I put around myself. However I can not bother to communicate with people I just don't respect. This isn't arrogance but rather caution. I do not want to give room for more ignorant selfish people to take more of my soul than they already have. I'd rather isolate myself to people I can genuinely trust. It would be very nice to live in a world where this wasn't needed but through life experience I've found that this is very needed in order to live a somewhat stable living. When the situations get too intense I disappear. I've disappeared from friends and lovers for this reason as well. I can't handle that sort of thing. I get frightened when regardless of this, I end up getting close to someone who is damaging which usually happens out of attraction, and ... all the signs are clear, but I still take the leap and it always ends up with me wanting to close in again.

mmmm depression pasta

>>6329316
>and I hate using the term "outsider" for myself because it seems obnoxious to me like those kids who constantly claim to be different and will go out of their way to prove this.
It's good you recognize this. Be cognizant that you're an outsider, but don't go boasting or complaining about it.

I'll be honest I'm not really sure what the latter half of this post is saying

>>6329324
First existential crisis? There's a flowchart for that.

>>6329331
Talk to people. They really aren't that bad sometimes. You don't need to open up all at once, but just thaw towards them.

>I do not want to give room for more ignorant selfish people to take more of my soul than they already have
This is histrionic. You sound like one of these people saying they're an outsider.

Yeah, you need to meet more people, set yourself some goals, unhook yourself from the internet, read some books, and get yourself settled in regards to religion. For future reference, there's a whole board dedicated to this over at >>>/adv/

>>6329331
I'm always either feeling insignificant/worthless or my ego gets the best of me. I try to live a humbled life to where I won't cause trouble for anyone but I end up doing that anyways for reasons that I don't understand at the time. I deleted my facebook some time ago because I felt that no one cared. No one ever called or sent a message and there were some replies on statuses but they were always insignificant. Usually when a hangout happens it's me needing to call and I'm so very tired of that and it pains me to think taht people I've been involved with for years have lost interest but that's probably the case. I'm okay with this I have my room full of random stuff to occupy me as well as the internet although I very much value human interaction. I liked the times where we sat and talked for hours about significant things or even walked at the very late hours at night but everyone eventually separates and moves on. I feel that, however, I have moved on in the wrong direction because the few people that are directly involved with my life I have no respect for and more than likely just have me around because I am a "body"

>>6329346
I am pretty good at conversation and I have gifts to offer those who are like-minded but for those who are out of my loop of reality won't understand in the way that I'm accustomed to or will do the irritating "huh" that people give when they have no thoughts about what you're saying or just plainly don't care at all. Sometimes I will say things and there will be a confrontation about it which I would rather avoid at all cost but there are people out there that will purposely antagonize others for behavior they disagree with or just don't understand. When this happens I cave in and apologize hoping to move on which usually works but ultimately kills me because I feel that I've given license to this sort of behaviour or empowered the person in some way or another.

There was a time where I felt that my behavior was cowardly and felt that I should branch out and learn more outside of this cube I've created for myself and it ended in the worst way. Regardless of my attempts to communicate in a way or another it would always be shoved back by some sort of mocking comment about my behaviors or the way I'm dressed. No questions of why just "you sound really pretentious." or "you dress like a faggot" which are things I wouldn't mind being said if I didn't value their perception at the time, but I did because I was open to other ideas and sort of freeing myself. This ended with a lot of forced things and rumors being spread about my person that were entirely untrue. So I again caved in and went my own way. I am not upset about this as it gives clarity my reality but I am scared

>>6329363
I apologize to anyone for how inconvenient this is as it does not pertain to the topic that is presented on this board. I could have went to an /r9k/ or an /adv/ but those boards are so corrupt that it is not worth it. I feel that /fa/ is a more rational board with greater sensibilities.

Thank you for the replies thus far. Please understand that I did not intend to get advice but am writing this for myself as a way to relate and convince myself that I am still alive.

>>6329341
>>6329330
Thanks for this though these are nice ideas

Emma?

I can relate to a lot of this wow