/fa/ - Fashion

>tfw no CP
[suffering intensifies]

>>7664798

>>7657452
>>7657498
>Power
It was, and never is about power to me.
That's one of the most disgusting things to me. It's almost as hard to "get off" to as adult porn for me, and it is certainly more sickening to me. As in physically and psychologically. It literally makes me throw up for days on end and feel physically sick in general.

That doesn't mean it hasn't grown on me, or I haven't jerked to it many times before.
It's one of the reasons why I want the hate from society to calm down, and it's one of the reasons why I dislike this type of CP. Because it's more common, it's much easier to get your hands on, and because society hates on you, you begin to believe them.
Because all you see is this, and all you hear is this, you begin to tear apart. You adapt.
You begin to adopt their views as yours, you begin to think that that's all you want to do, and all of that, but the thought of it hurting them never leaves your mind. So the tearing continues and continues till you finally are beside yourself, and the only thing that can help you is proof you aren't like that, proof that you don't and wouldn't just rape a child like the sick monster you are.
This process has given me tons of mental issues that without being around kids bombard me constantly, and with them, only get better while I'm with then, then the doubt usually returns, and the avoidance begins once again.

When I'm around kids, it all fades, the control, the mental issues: really everything bad.
Before all of it, I still remember, and I still have old evidence, I never thought about it. It was always just wanting to hug them, cuddle them, play with them, kiss them, make them smile, even from when I was 12years old and never had a younger sibling or anything of such.
That side still is there when I'm around kids, but when I'm not, that fades a lot now. I still feel that, but then there's the other side, as I've explained. And so multiple personalities, schizophrenia, and all other stuff comes in.