/diy/ - Do-It-Yourself

Quit school, get a job, earn money, buy a house, shoot anyone who darkens your doorway. Store your piss bottles in the basement.

>>2441647
This anon fucks.

>>2441645
Iron caltrops. Before you sleep, pick them up again by sweeping a magnet across your bed. Disguise magnet as fleshlight, he won't touch it. Or maybe he would, in which case make sure to store the caltrops inside it too.

Wrap heavy chains around it and lock them

>>2441645
Blast it with piss.

Get a board that covers the whole bed and fasten it to the frame with a couple bike locks. Just the board should be enough but you could have nails sticking out if you wanted.

>>2441645
Get him evicted out something
If you do thumbtacks, count them every thing or you roll over and kill yourself

>>2441645
Stop showering

>>2441645
A swift punch to the fucking face should be enough you useless fucking doormat.

This thread is unbelievable.

>>2441676
This and please pissproof the board somehow. Even better if you make a drain that gathers the piss into a container so you can return it to him once the inevitable happens

>>2441645
Wipe boogers all over the top sheet so they get hard and crusty, leave semonic rags under the covers, and place a pair of very badly skid marked underwear under the pillow, peeking out just a little bit. Some people need to be taught why you don't sleep in other people's beds.

>>2441665
Came here to post this

Ezpz

>>2441645
What, like he wants to take naps in your bed while you're out at class? I don't get it, what's his fucking deal?

First off, go complain to your RA or dorm association or whatever. They probably won't do shit but the important thing is to establish with someone "official" a record of his behavior, before any escalation happens. This is very important.

As for actually attempting to solve the problem, unironically just confront him about it and if he sneers at you literally just start fighting him on the spot.

If you want to be a snake go get a cracked or broken laptop or ipad or something and put it under your pillow or blankets when you know he's gonna be doing his shit. When you get back and are sure that he's been in your bed, claim that he broke your stuff and demand that he pay for it, raise hell with your RA and threaten to take him to small claims court.

>>2441645
Buy a couple dildos and leave them under the covers
See how much he enjoys touching those knowing you shove them into your asshole

>>2441687
>>2441710

You can do both of these.

Firstly establish official records of the dispute, look to file a report or a complaint, then you can get your words down on paper. Explain how he is sleeping in your bed but also how you are a little bitch and he scares you and bullies you and makes you cry yourself to sleep. Anytime you bring it up with him he gets aggressive and physical. You are also a little Butt hurt wimp and he has been fucking with your oteer stuff too, your possessions in that room being moved around etc regardless of being in or on the bed. He fucks with your stuff too.

Then wait a week or two, get yourself your cracked laptop as the anon above discussed. Now so long as there's nobody else watching, just you and him, confront him about the cracked laptop and sleeping in your bed. Beat the everliving fuck out of him, when you are done, take a shit in your pants and snot over your face a bit. Now you can report that you confronted him for sleeping in your bed and breaking your possessions, tell them that he swung for you and you exploded in a pathetic tardrage like only the victim of extreme bullying could. You'll get off with it all, get a free laptop, get him disciplined by your college and knock some of hsi fucking teeth out all at the same time.

>>2441645
>I currently live in a shared dorm with bunk beds
complain to your RA and ask for a new roommate. Say that anyone who has that "what you don't know won't hurt you" is probably doing a lot more than sleeping in your bed.

I'm sure he is violating some dorm policy. He's also probably jerking it in your toothpaste and licking your food.

you can't win this fight by sinking to his level. you need to either deal with it properly, or violently. Even if you get your ass kicked, if you go after him every time he is in your bed, it won't be worth it for him.

>>2441647
fpbp
minus thebpiss bottles
also, just trade

>>2441710
Does breaking the pasta trigger the Italian?
I don't get it

>>2441657
kek underrated post

Get extension cord (second hand is fine) and knife or scissors, beak off the extension end, separate and strip about 4ft of the wires, lay stripped cords in bed with about 1ft of space between them. Plug it.