Bed Defense

[Anonymous No.2441645]

I currently live in a shared dorm with bunk beds, I have a bottom bunk and long story short one of my roommates is a douche who wants to sleep in my bed, despite me objecting to it. He has this view of "what you don't know won't hurt you" and so I trust him not at all.
Seeing how words have failed, how can I dissuade him from such actions? My current plan is to simply scatter thumbtacks on my bed when I get up and pick them up before bed, a bit of a hassle but I bet he'd think twice if he lay on my bed and got stabbed a few times.
I'm welcome to suggestions but it has to be something that I can't really get in trouble with, something that punishes him only if he does what he isn't supposed to.

[Anonymous No.2441647]

Quit school, get a job, earn money, buy a house, shoot anyone who darkens your doorway. Store your piss bottles in the basement.

[Anonymous No.2441652]

>>2441647
This anon fucks.

[Anonymous No.2441657]

>>2441645
Iron caltrops. Before you sleep, pick them up again by sweeping a magnet across your bed. Disguise magnet as fleshlight, he won't touch it. Or maybe he would, in which case make sure to store the caltrops inside it too.

[Anonymous No.2441665]

Wrap heavy chains around it and lock them

[Anonymous No.2441666]

>>2441645
Blast it with piss.

[Anonymous No.2441676]

Get a board that covers the whole bed and fasten it to the frame with a couple bike locks. Just the board should be enough but you could have nails sticking out if you wanted.

[Anonymous No.2441677]

>>2441645
Get him evicted out something
If you do thumbtacks, count them every thing or you roll over and kill yourself

[Anonymous No.2441686]

>>2441645
Stop showering

[Anonymous No.2441687]

>>2441645
A swift punch to the fucking face should be enough you useless fucking doormat.

This thread is unbelievable.

[Anonymous No.2441689]

>>2441676
This and please pissproof the board somehow. Even better if you make a drain that gathers the piss into a container so you can return it to him once the inevitable happens

[Anonymous No.2441702]

>>2441645
Wipe boogers all over the top sheet so they get hard and crusty, leave semonic rags under the covers, and place a pair of very badly skid marked underwear under the pillow, peeking out just a little bit. Some people need to be taught why you don't sleep in other people's beds.

[Anonymous No.2441704]

>>2441665
Came here to post this

Ezpz

[Anonymous No.2441710]

>>2441645
What, like he wants to take naps in your bed while you're out at class? I don't get it, what's his fucking deal?

First off, go complain to your RA or dorm association or whatever. They probably won't do shit but the important thing is to establish with someone "official" a record of his behavior, before any escalation happens. This is very important.

As for actually attempting to solve the problem, unironically just confront him about it and if he sneers at you literally just start fighting him on the spot.

If you want to be a snake go get a cracked or broken laptop or ipad or something and put it under your pillow or blankets when you know he's gonna be doing his shit. When you get back and are sure that he's been in your bed, claim that he broke your stuff and demand that he pay for it, raise hell with your RA and threaten to take him to small claims court.

[Anonymous No.2441720]

>>2441645
Buy a couple dildos and leave them under the covers
See how much he enjoys touching those knowing you shove them into your asshole

[Anonymous No.2441744]

>>2441687
>>2441710

You can do both of these.

Firstly establish official records of the dispute, look to file a report or a complaint, then you can get your words down on paper. Explain how he is sleeping in your bed but also how you are a little bitch and he scares you and bullies you and makes you cry yourself to sleep. Anytime you bring it up with him he gets aggressive and physical. You are also a little Butt hurt wimp and he has been fucking with your oteer stuff too, your possessions in that room being moved around etc regardless of being in or on the bed. He fucks with your stuff too.

Then wait a week or two, get yourself your cracked laptop as the anon above discussed. Now so long as there's nobody else watching, just you and him, confront him about the cracked laptop and sleeping in your bed. Beat the everliving fuck out of him, when you are done, take a shit in your pants and snot over your face a bit. Now you can report that you confronted him for sleeping in your bed and breaking your possessions, tell them that he swung for you and you exploded in a pathetic tardrage like only the victim of extreme bullying could. You'll get off with it all, get a free laptop, get him disciplined by your college and knock some of hsi fucking teeth out all at the same time.

[Anonymous No.2441745]

>>2441645
>I currently live in a shared dorm with bunk beds
complain to your RA and ask for a new roommate. Say that anyone who has that "what you don't know won't hurt you" is probably doing a lot more than sleeping in your bed.

I'm sure he is violating some dorm policy. He's also probably jerking it in your toothpaste and licking your food.

you can't win this fight by sinking to his level. you need to either deal with it properly, or violently. Even if you get your ass kicked, if you go after him every time he is in your bed, it won't be worth it for him.

[Anonymous No.2441747]

>>2441647
fpbp
minus thebpiss bottles
also, just trade

[Anonymous No.2442128]

>>2441710
Does breaking the pasta trigger the Italian?
I don't get it

[Anonymous No.2442181]

>>2441657
kek underrated post

[Anonymous No.2442188]

Get extension cord (second hand is fine) and knife or scissors, beak off the extension end, separate and strip about 4ft of the wires, lay stripped cords in bed with about 1ft of space between them. Plug it.

[Anonymous No.2443905]

>>2441687
This is the way

[∆nonymous No.2443977]

>>2441645
Catch him in your bed and wake him up by beating his ass.

[Anonymous No.2444264]

>>2441687
Zoomers are incapable of interacting with people not online, and especially if it involves any type of conflict.

[Anonymous No.2444284]

Have you tried bees?

[Anonymous No.2444318]

>>2444264
This is me, but I'm not even a zoomer.

[Anonymous No.2444320]

>>2444318
That's sad bro. You should work on that

[Anonymous No.2444460]

>>2441645
I'd bunk her bed if you know what I mean

[Anonymous No.2444585]

Rape him while he sleeps.

[Anonymous No.2444854]

>>2444264
this is true

[Anonymous No.2444861]

>>2441645
report it to whoever
if he keeps doing it drag him out when you catch him
if he keeps doing it then pour water over him
if he keeps doing it then kick his teeth in
if he retaliates on any of these points also kick his teeth in

[Anonymous No.2444872]

>>2444320
I'm not masochistic enough to do that.

[Anonymous No.2445394]

>>2441647
>Store your piss bottles in the basement.
Why?

[Anonymous No.2445397]

>>2441647
>Quit school, get a job, earn money
Doesn't work like that anymore grandpa, you can't just walk into the Ford plant down the street, give the manager a firm handshake, and walk out with a salary that'll afford a house and two cars nowadays.
The options are to get a decent 4-year bachelors degree and hope you can get a job with that, get lucky enough to get an apprenticeship and spend 4 years on that before making real money, or working and McDonalds for the rest of your life.

[Anonymous No.2446434]

>>2441645
Take some rubber cement.
Put some blobs on the back of your hand.
Wait for it to dry.
Ask your roommate:
>Say, does this look like monkey pox to you?

[Anonymous No.2446469]

>>2441645
OP, this situation is clearly escalating to the point where you roommate "accidentally" crawls into your bed next to you, and then "accidentally" rapes you. As already suggested, you need to get out ahead of the situation and report his actions to the college authorities immediately. But note: since it is tumblrly impossible to rape a heterosexual or homosexual man, you need to IMMEDIATELY start identifying as female and change your pronouns on social media. If necessary, you you print out your 4chan post history as documentation of your femininity (including this thread). With a little grassroots organizing, you can start public protests against your roommate, walkouts of any class he's registered for, and finally CANCEL HIM on Twitter, ensuring his immediate expulsion from college and dooming him to a life in the trades, preferably a union trade where half his wages are garnished to pay for the union president's yacht. Meanwhile, you'll be a shoe-in for graduate school, law, medicine, perhaps even the first polygender demikin on the President's Monkeypox Action Council. Slaaayyyy, qween!

[Anonymous No.2446695]

>>2442188
Won't work unless you jam the fuse box otherwise you'll just shock the cunt a bit before the fuse trips

>t. Tried it

[Anonymous No.2446700]

>>2445394
That's how you track your progress.

[Anonymous No.2446705]

Wear a taser on your hip at night. That way the next time your roommate pulls up on you he feels "the tingles" first.

[Anonymous No.2446709]

>>2441657
What should I disguse the magnet to get the caltrops out of the magnet for the caltrops in the bed?

[Anonymous No.2447126]

>>2446709
If you make it an electromagnet you can just turn it off and they should fall out.

[Anonymous No.2447136]

>>2442128
Yes, because Italians are all apparently born with basic cooking talents. There's no reason to break the pasta it's all going to fit into the pot. Let the hot water do its job.

[Anonymous No.2447645]

>>2441645
File a sexual harassment complaint with your school

[Anonymous No.2447774]

>>2441645
>get a spare sheet
>attach thumbtacks/sharp objects securely to sheet
>place sheet on bed
>remove sheet before you go to sleep
>???
>PROFIT!!!

[Anonymous No.2447936]

>>2445397
It blows my mind how frat-like Unions remain despite the fact that they are in desperate need of people.

[Anonymous No.2448330]

>>2445397
I made decent money in my machinist apprenticeship two years ago. Starting was $29 with ~$1.60 raises every 6 months until your 4 years are done (it is calculated based on the average rate of your "target jobs", where at graduation, you will make the top pay of that pay scale. The program is a Union/Company/State jointly run one at a large aerospace company.