Start a garden they said!

[Anonymous No.1836616]

20 years ago I planted grape vines. in that time I have eaten 0 (zero) nil, nada, none, no, not a single grape. This year I might (maybe) finally get to eat some. but the year is not over yet.

Obstacles I have tried to over come in getting a single grape on my table: Birds eat or peck at the grapes before they are even remotely ripe destroying them. Skeletonizing caterpillars eat all the leaves stunting the vines. The bags I bought to protect the grapes disintegrated. If you cut the vines back you won't get grapes for 2 years.

expenses:
10 grape bags $6.87
50 grape bags $6.99 disintigarted
20 grape bags $12.99 just ordered
brid repellent $14.99
bird repellent $31.35
Bird repellent ?? possibly $50
total about $123

If I get 1 pound of grapes this year they will be the most expensive grapes ever produced at $123 per pound. Fuck me. If I get no grapes I'm cutting the vines down and salting the earth where the were planted.

I'm not bitter.

[Anonymous No.1836633]

>>1836616
>Growing Vega at home
>Expecting produce to be worth it
If you're not having fun at it stop right there. Also, ask some oldfag from your area, they usually have better solutions than buying something. With oldfag I don't mean a boomer btw, ask someone older than boomers.

[Anonymous No.1836637]

>>1836633
growing a garden (for fun) is the stupidest thing I ever heard since my brother kept chickens as pets and gave me all the eggs. He spent hundreds of dollars on a smelly filthy animal and then wouldn't eat any of the eggs.

also there are no people in my area older than boomers. and if there are none of them are gardeners.

the only reason I planted grape vines was to get grapes not to (have fun).

but thanks for the bump.

[Anonymous No.1836639]

when 10 grape bags disintigrated, why did you go on to buy 70 more? a smart person would at that point construct a cage out of cheap wood and hardware cloth. Or hung some scare tape maybe.

tl;dr bait thread

[Anonymous No.1836649]

>>1836639
oh thanks for reminding me. I did that as well so tack that on to the cost.

Tried the scare tape that does not work, nor the fake owl, or the giant eye balloons. and it was 50 bags. I bought 20 more of a different type that don't disintegrate. When I bought the 50 bags I was not aware they would be made of a substance that disintegrates in the sun.

you response was pointless but thanks for the bump

[Anonymous No.1836654]

>>1836639
>a smart person would at that point construct a cage out of cheap wood and hardware cloth.

that could not be done because of where they were planted. also bird netting did not work, they always found a way in.

I even sat outside on a couple of summers and shot every bird that landed on the vines. probably shot a hundred total and it made no difference.

[Anonymous No.1836656]

>>1836649
>he doesnt know i saged
hello new

[Anonymous No.1836657]

>>1836656
he doesn't know that sage does not matter on page 1.

[Anonymous No.1836660]

>>1836657
doesnt matter. Still not a bump, hope you spend the next 40 years acting as a live scarecrow for some shitty vines that hate you deep, SAGE

[Anonymous No.1836666]

>>1836616
>Buy house build in the 30s
>No insulation in the walls
>Some genius previous owner planted grapes on the south side for shade
>Hey, it actually works pretty well
>Entire side of the house now has giant, old-growth grapes on trellises covering it
>Thing is fucking covered with birds during harvest, which is nice cause they eat all the bugs too

I still get quite a lot of grapes most years. They are rather finicky though. I have to supplement the soils and protect the base of the vines from the sun during the summer but it's not that bad. I live in California though. It's the best place in North America to grow grapes because of the weather.

[Anonymous No.1836670]

I've seen people put tapes from old VHS tapes around their fields, it's said to ward off birds

[Anonymous No.1836677]

I have a couple grape vines where I get tons of grapes. The trick is I also have an old 100+ ft wild grape vine that gets all the birds/pests attention.

Too bad I don’t really like concords.

[Anonymous No.1836740]

>>1836616
20 years for grapes means you're doing something wrong.

[Anonymous No.1836749]

>>1836616


>>1836616
>I'm not bitter
But your grapes may be.

[Anonymous No.1836754]

>>1836616
Go to any garden center, say birds are eating my grapes, I need bird netting. They will pull out a big roll of it, costs almost nothing and you will get at least a 5 years out of it, just tie shut any holes WHEN they happen with a bit of string. If you ignore them they will become to big to tie shut. Did you ever bother to ask at a garden center? Grape bags make it sound like you went to home depot or a hardware store.

[Anonymous No.1836758]

>>1836666
CHEKKKKED

[Anonymous No.1836762]

>>1836666
grapequads

[Anonymous No.1836802]

>>1836670
doesn't work

>>1836740
The grapes start but long before they can ever ripen the birds eat them no matter what I try, though we will see how the better bags work.

>>1836754
did you bother to read my post netting did not work. they don't have grape bags at my hardware store I have to order them and the people who work at the hardware stores here are morons. I found about the grape bags after reading an old report about the best way to keep birds from eating your grapes. The bags work best but I just happened to order a bunch of crap ones.

[Anonymous No.1836819]

>>1836802
I read your OP and scaned the replies for bird netting, no replies mentioned it. If the netting did not work it is because of user error, it is an industry standard for a reason.

If the bags worked, why have you not gotten to eat any grapes yet? Either way, throw up netting when the grapes get to size to be of interest to the birds, leave it down until then so the birds can eat the bugs.

[Anonymous No.1836826]

>>1836819
Also, any bird that is going into the enclosed area of the netting is desperate for food, birds avoid such places. Put up some feeders or plant some bird berry bushes.

[Anonymous No.1836831]

>>1836802
Based argumentative retard
You deserve what you've got.

[Anonymous No.1836848]

First of all I need to ask are you regarded?
If not and you are serious about it I can help you. I’m in love with grapes and gardening in about 20 years now. I need to know your location, type of grapes you have, what type of birds we talking about and some pictures.

[Anonymous No.1836878]

Older sister of gf worked at a vineyard. Jokingly asked her for some vines. She turns up one day on the bus with three in sacks. Pot them up. Two years later decide to plant them out. Weave them into the fencing and some trees/trellis as they grow. She keeps giving me shit because they are supposed to only have two stems. Empty out the watering can every time I'm done watering my vegetable plot but otherwise ignore them. 6 years later they have taken over 15 feet. Produce tons of grapes every year. Cats stalk any birds and don't notice bird problems at all. They are white wine grapes and not really edible.

[Anonymous No.1836881]

>>1836616
vinyards take ~8 years of constant care & maintenance before any useful harvest yield

[Anonymous No.1836892]

>>1836654
>I even sat outside on a couple of summers and shot every bird that landed on the vines
you don't grow grapes to get grapes, you grow them to attract birds so you can shoot them and eat them

[Anonymous No.1836927]

>>1836616
>expenses:


forgetting your property tax there champ

[Anonymous No.1836942]

>>1836881
vinyards are going for a very certain result, in the first years they are heavily pruning, trainging the vines, and keeping the vines from fruiting, they have long term goals in mind. The vines do not take that long to start fruiting and OP gets fruit, he is just inept and keeps letting the birds get them all.

[Anonymous No.1836963]

>>1836616
I grew grapes in the past. They are extremely hard to grow. Mine were no more than then the size of cranberries.

Same with every drupe/fruit of the prunus tree. That includes peaches, apricots, plums, cherry blossoms and like. They are extremely sensitive trees where any too much of a dry spell will kill them, or insect infestation, or soil condition (too basic)

[Anonymous No.1836965]

>>1836616
Test your soil's pH, adjust accordingly. And cover with netting, a simple solution to the bird issues.

[Anonymous No.1836973]

>>1836819
>throw up netting when the grapes get to size to be of interest
well that would be the moment they appear on the vine.
>if the bags worked
I never said they did.

>>1836826
No

>>1836848
southwest desert, table grapes, sparrows, grackles, starlings, and whatever else lives here.
no pics

>>1836878
>Cats stalk any birds and don't notice bird problems at all. They are white wine grapes and not really edible.
Cats stalk the birds here but that's not enough. "not edible" then what's the point?

>>1836942
fuck off you don't know me.

>>1836965
>cover with netting
doesn't work, they ALWAYS get in. That's why I am tr....

you know what fuck all you all.

[Anonymous No.1836982]

>>1836973
>well that would be the moment they appear on the vine.
Then that is when you put it up, it is not difficult.
>I never said they did.
but you keep buying them?
>No
If you give them something thye would rather eat, they wont eat your grapes.
>fuck off you don't know me.
20 years and the birds always win. Sounds inept to me.

I live in the center of one of the three major north american bird migratory routes and we have a very large number of birds at all times, there are a few dozen in my yard now, and yet they eat almost none of my june berries, raspberries, choke cherries or currents, all which birds are fond of. All I do is give them something they would rather eat.

[Anonymous No.1837028]

>>1836973
The one thing he knows about you, is your ineptness at growing grapes.

[Anonymous No.1837101]

>>1836982
>the birds always win
Sounds like OP might be Chinese.

[Anonymous No.1837108]

>>1836637
>there are no people in my area older than boomers. and if there are none of them are gardeners.< you must live in Cambodia or Sana Barbara

[Anonymous No.1837458]

I'm not a genius but why not just make like a jail out of metal mosquito net and wood? How would the birds get through?

[Anonymous No.1837493]

Since this seems to be a general garden thread.

What are the best plants to grow? I grew a fig tree back at my parents, and they use it every year for fig preserves. American South btw. I'm thinking of growing tomatoes and Watermelon.

[Anonymous No.1837703]

>>1836616
Attract hawks to area, idk. Bird repellents are useless, since they don't smell a shit.

[Anonymous No.1837730]

Just grow hot peppers. Nothing eats those.

[Anonymous No.1838001]

>>1836826
>Put up some feeders
I did that too and water, all that did was attract more birds who after eating and drinking decided a nice grape snack was in order.

[Anonymous No.1838002]

>>1837028
thew one thing I know is theres a lot of arm chair gardeners in here that don't live where I do and have the same climate.
>>1837730
you are now aware that birds do not experience the hotness of peppers, they are what the pepper plant needs to spread the seeds.

[Anonymous No.1838005]

I spent the morning rebagging 20 bunches of grapes for a total of thirty.

but alas it will all be for nothing as the skeletonizing moths were out in force. I spent several days a week ago combing through the vines looking for the caterpillars and eggs and cutting off those leaves. but they just keep coming. I probably sprayed a dozen this morning flying around the vines, but I can't stay out there all day and don't have any pesticides I fell safe in spraying all over the vines. though I did spray down one of the vines that is not producing much.

I never actually posted the original post for advice. it was more of a warning.

[Anonymous No.1838026]

>>1838002
>you are now aware that birds do not experience the hotness of peppers, they are what the pepper plant needs to spread the seeds.
Already knew that, but they don't apparently. Never seen a bird go for my peppers.

[Anonymous No.1838077]

>>1836616
Growing grapes is impossible. All those vineyards popping up in literally every state are just a conspiracy to fool everyone into thinking grapes are real. Smuckers is a CIA front and Franzia has been tied back to the NKVD.
>If I get 1 pound of grapes this year they will be the most expensive grapes ever produced at $123 per pound
Seriously though you need to start with an end goal in mind when you set out on long term things like this. Of course it's going to cost more than buying at the local supermarket, gardening for cost savings on a difficult crop is retard tier at best. I garden because ...
>I enjoy the process
>I like knowing where at least some of my food comes from
>I'm planning on expanding exponentially in the future and I'm testing what has the best yield, resistances, and flavor.

[Anonymous No.1838079]

>>1838077
>Growing grapes is impossible. All those vineyards popping up in literally every state are just a conspiracy to fool everyone into thinking grapes are real. Smuckers is a CIA front and Franzia has been tied back to the NKVD.
at last I truly see

[Anonymous No.1838105]

>>1837493
Im midwest
I grow tomatos and cucumber and squash, green beans etc . Stuff is all easy as shit to grow, just till the ground and plant, keep it watered but midwest also has fertile soil. I dont know how it would do in clay.

[Anonymous No.1838128]

>>1838077
>I enjoy the process
of wasting time for nothing. masochist much?

[Anonymous No.1838191]

>>1837493
>American Southwest
I to live in hell. I mostly gave up on gardening. I got tired of potato plants bursting in to flames at the start of summer. Tomato plants dying when it gets even slightly warm. birds eating anything and everything the moment it even slightly begins to ripen.

the only thing I can get to grow reliably is peppers, and corn. I had a beautiful plum tree for about 20 years. I got one good crop of plums out of it, the fucking birds would peck anything that even slightly turned pink leaving rotten holes in the fruit or knocking them off the tree. then the bark beetles came.... no more plum tree.

[Anonymous No.1838194]

>>1838077
>Growing grapes is impossible
that was never the problem. getting a harvest has been.

[Anonymous No.1838241]

Are grapes a difficult crop to start?
I've never had to plant them, they've always either been inherited or volunteered, but they seem bulletproof. I basically ignore them, maybe water once a month or if it's unusually hot and dry for a while and I've got two fences and an apple tree full of vines and end up giving away buckets of them every year. Always thought they were foolproof, people use them in landscaping and shit.

[Anonymous No.1838245]

>>1838241
Depends what kind of grape, what soil, climate etc. But there are some really robust grape sorts that are probably easy to start.

[Anonymous No.1838247]

>>1837493
Gardening in the south here.

This season I've got 3 tomato varieties, sweet peppers plus serrano, an eggplant plant, yellow onions, sweet potatoes, garlic, green beans and sweet peas, some lettuce, strawberry and blueberry containers, some dill, and some celery.

The peas and beans have been the best so far, already eating their fruits, they were planted straight in the ground and have had minimal attention.

My goal this season was a lot of tomatoes, I had about 70 seedlings going indoors for a good while before last frost. A huge majority just rotted and died, I've ended up with 4 brandywines that are thriving, one black krim that's pretty far behind despite being the strongest of his seedlings, and one hybrid tomato I bought already established. Experience has been they're annoying as hell to keep alive until they're around a foot tall, then they thrive and shoot up like crazy and are resistant to just about any bugs besides hornworms. You've gotta be really on top of trimming off rotting leaves while they're young. Also only the heirlooms are having trouble setting fruit, only the hybrid is fruiting so far.

The peppers are going, they're starting their fruits. Same with the eggplant. It got hit with some aphids but some ladybugs showed up. The onions and garlic are growing fine but I expect them to take a while til harvest. The dill and celery were indoor container plants that were dying off, so they got planted in the ground and seem to be doing much better.

Damn sweet potatoes took forever to produce some slips to plant, I'm still waiting on them to establish roots before they see the garden.

Strawberry container survived the winter completely neglected and has been reliably fruiting. But I had to buy him already growing, I've had zero luck getting strawberry seeds or bulb kits to grow. Blueberry been alive for months now, but has had very minimal growth until about a week ago when it finally started on a new branch of growth.

[Anonymous No.1838441]

>>1836616
Pretty sure vineyards contract falconers (or have resident falconers) to fly hawks and shit every once in a while. It's really the only thing that'll always scare the birds away. It's very expensive.

[Anonymous No.1838501]

>>1836982
Interesting anon, you don't use netting? I'm not the retarded op, I've been using netting for my strawberry patch since I was middleschool growing it. Got my own house now and putting in alot of berries. Do they keep them alone? Probably will still do netting just to be safe. How much you spend too? I have a cherry tree in my backyard too, the one that humans can't eat and I assume good for birds?

[Anonymous No.1838504]

>>1838247
How's brandywine? Picked up some, its my first garden (I gardened in my youth but this is my first house). I have like 8 varieties of tomatoes and 12 of peppers going. Tried seedlings but artificial light is a bitch and started too late. Wanted to try mortgage lifter too but couldn't find anyone selling them

[Anonymous No.1838650]

>>1836616
Graoe leafs are also perfectly edible. Wrap some rice inside them and cook them. Though leafs may need some prep. Look up "grape leaf dolma"

[Anonymous No.1838661]

>>1836654
Every obstacle is an opportunity.

[Anonymous No.1838679]

>>1837493
If you want a huge pile of resources and knowledgeable replies, /out/ has a gardening thread consistently. It's called homegrowmen. They're a few hundred threads deep, so the archive is full of stuff as well.

[Anonymous No.1838681]

>>1836616
This is why I went with easy stuff, tomatoes and strawberries
I can move them inside during the winter and I don't need years of investment before getting a good yeild
I can't imagine how sour I'd be if I went this long without produce to show for it.

[Anonymous No.1838713]

>>1836637
>He spent hundreds of dollars on a smelly filthy animal and then wouldn't eat any of the eggs.
Baby chickens run about $3 a piece on a bad day. Your brother is as retarded as you are.

[Anonymous No.1838732]

>>1838681
There is no point at overwintering strawberries indoors.

[Anonymous No.1838734]

>>1838713
He is talking about all the things needed to support that animal retard. Cages, feed, space ect.

[Anonymous No.1838772]

>>1838128
He gets more out of it than you, grapewise and finalise. Better be a serendipitous masochist than an inept gardening captain ahab

[Anonymous No.1838779]

>Order DAP fertilizer over the internet overpriced since I cant get a 50lb bag at a local feed and seed.
> No feed and seed
>USPS says they door delivered it.no evidence on security cams
>EBAY Says fuck off. USPS says fuck off
>Out the $ and have no fertilizer for my melons
>First and only package that has disappeared

I think the feds nabbed it and stole my shit. I dont even think its the right fertilizer for glowniggers. So fucking pissed. Everytime I fertilize It reminds me. Its destroying my fucking melon season since melons demand shit tons of phosphates.

[joe No.1838800]

when is primitive technology guy going to make another video?

[Anonymous No.1838882]

>>1838713
and you are an utter moron because he spent hundreds of dollars on feed, building a coop, building a second mobile coop (so they could eat bugs out of the lawn), then he had to treat them when they got sick, and replace the ones that died. all for "pets". cum stain.

[Anonymous No.1838884]

>>1838772
or an armchair 4chan general who just comments to start shit.

[Anonymous No.1839247]

>>1836616
fuck it, OP, they're probably going to be sour anyway

[Anonymous No.1839254]

>>1836637
Why are you complaining about free eggs? Your brother sounds cool and you sound like a cunt.

[Anonymous No.1839438]

>>1839254
>you sound like a cunt.
said the cunt

I am not complaining about free eggs. I'm complaining about my brother who spent a shit ton on chickens when he has no money and is always broke, gets food that he had to work and pay for but won't eat cuz eggs is icky.

thankfully he finally got rid of them since he could never afford them to begin with.

you twat.

[Anonymous No.1839449]

>>1839254
see this is why you people are so fucking stupid. my brother can't do shit without me, I constantly have to rescue his ass when shit breaks around the house because he's "tired" and being an adult is "hard", and why can't people "just give him money".

[Anonymous No.1839454]

>>1839438
Maybe he kept them because he knew you liked the eggs and wanted to be a good bro with the free eggs, but didn't know that all you did was badmouth and insult him behind his back because you're an incompetent bitch that can't even grow grapes.

[Anonymous No.1839545]

>>1838128
>of wasting time for nothing
Bro I'm on my way to being a tomato tycoon, and I should have the peppers market cornered by end of year. Then I'm going to bring Whole Foods to its knees until Bezos cuts me a fucking huge deal. Then I'm going to take that money, buy 4Chainz from Gookmoot, get your IP, and send some goons to your home ... to install a hoop house in your backyard so you stop shitting up the place with your QQ posts.
>>1838772
kek

[Anonymous No.1839663]

>>1836616
>knows nothing about horticulture
>i know, ill plant grapes
its like wanting to build a ferrari as your first car.

Not everything can grow anywhere. You need to know what will grow in your local area with your climate, with the precipitation you have today not models from ten years ago. If you're in the USA then there is a branch of government designed to help you with this its called an extension office, go pay them a visit

[Anonymous No.1839666]

>>1836666
dont you have snakes?

[Anonymous No.1839696]

>>1839454
OR he was just throwning the eggs out and I had to tell him how stupid that was to be wasting good food. which partially explains why he's poor.

>>1839663
>Not everything can grow anywhere
the grapes grow moron who can't read, they just get eaten before they are even close to ripe.

[Anonymous No.1839704]

>>1836802
birds dont eat unripened grapes

netting and bright tape in the winds are pretty well proven tactics

[Anonymous No.1839705]

>>1836881
more like 4 or 5 - def not 8

[Anonymous No.1839845]

>>1836649
>Giant Eye Balloons
Hold up wat?

[Anonymous No.1839893]

One of the best diy threads

[Anonymous No.1839986]

>>1836616
What even is bird repellent, lmao, what sort of city boy shit are you doing to fuck up this badly.
Sounds like you need to grow something simple like flowers first, you might be a brainlet.

[Anonymous No.1839993]

>>1836616
You gave other animals food in an environment where its increasingly difficult to find it. Don't cut them down just because you don't get them.

[Anonymous No.1840085]

>>1836660
dis nigga spittin them elder noble roman vibes. you just gotta git gud :)

[Anonymous No.1840114]

>>1839986
you are so fucking stupid it's mind boggling. Methyl Antranilate acts as a nerve agent in birds.

>>1839845
see this is another example y'all think you know everything but then you like "wat dat?"

>>1839993
Fuck the birds.

[Anonymous No.1840164]

>>1839704
>birds dont eat unripened grapes
Noticed this with my tomatoes. Green ones are safe, the second they start to blush the goddamn birds come for supper. It's also seasonal ... happens less in spring and more in summer. Regardless, simple nets resolved the issue for me.

[Anonymous No.1840167]

>>1839893
Its a weird mix of aggressive banter and good suggestions.
>>1839845
Animals are bashful, bro. They dont like being watched, and are like the ghosts in Super Mario Bros. Best tiger repellent is painting eyes on your back. A good bird repellent is balloons with eyes on them.

[Anonymous No.1840260]

>>1838732
They don't get a longer yielding?

[Anonymous No.1840331]

>>1836616

We get them to grow in fucking scandinavia, how buttfuckingly retarded are you if you can't get grapes to fruit or to stop birds from getting at them?

[Anonymous No.1840333]

>>1836616
>Start a garden they said
I don't consider grape vines to be a garden. Maybe you should be growing potatoes, carrots, pumpkins, beats, corn, strawberries, etc.

[Anonymous No.1840342]

>>1836616
what is economics of scale retard

[Anonymous No.1840376]

>>1836654
>tried to grow grapes
>got twenty pounds of meat instead
>complains about the price.
Not sure what you expected.


Hey so now that we've got that solved, what's the best tasting grape variety? What's the best that's easy to grow in zone 8?

[Anonymous No.1840448]

>>1840114
>Fuck the birds.
No, this will kill them.

[Anonymous No.1840450]

Solution is surprisingly easy. Sunflower seeds.

[Anonymous No.1840714]

>>1840376
>Best tasting grape variety
Cajun grilled pigeon

[Anonymous No.1840719]

>>1836637
why don't you just buy grapes they're like a dollar at aldi.

[Anonymous No.1840721]

>>1836616
I grow tomatoes in IKEA trash cans that I bought for $1 each, on my balcony. I get fantastic harvests every single year.

[Anonymous No.1840895]

>>1840714
I was hoping for a higher sugar content.

[Faggot with the blue CL9 No.1841366]

>>1839545
Lol
>>Tommy tycoon
>>Kiking out the capsi industry
>>Industrial espionage and wholesale flagrant market manipulation on the wholesale
Based humongous poster, keep it up.

[Faggot with the blue CL9 No.1841370]

>>1839545
Lol
>>Tommy tycoon
>>Kiking out the capsi industry
>>Industrial espionage and wholesale flagrant market manipulation
Based humongous poster, keep it up.

[Anonymous No.1842304]

I have experienced none of your difficulties.

Planted some on the hen coop patio (walls and ceiling are wire mesh). Bunches hang from the whole ceiling, the hens will teleport when a grape, leaf, or bunch falls (or you pull it down).

Also a fig tree, same deal and they like to sleep on the branches when the weather is nice.

[Anonymous No.1842308]

>>1840721
I use free 20L (~5 gallon) buckets I picked curbside. Same.