/diy/ - Do It Yourself

[Anonymous No.1488678]

>phone has no dial tone
>go outside
>phone lines cut
>get tool box
>splice lines back together
>call police

Let's /diy/ ourselves out of horror moves.

[Anonymous No.1488686]

>>1488678
>Secure all doors, windows
>Can't get in while I'm outside fixing the phone
>Turn on radio
>CQ, CQ on the simplex hailing frequency or local repeater
>Get K7XXX or whomever to call the police for me
>Wait while I sharpen my ax with a whetstone, just in case and make sure my EDC is loaded and ready

[Anonymous No.1488700]

Jamal and throne at the door looking for reparatitions

Make homemade ice Crystal's with bleach and ammonia

[Anonymous No.1488701]

>>1488678
>get tool box

I'd just have used my pocket knife and Bic. Strip the wires back with the knife, burn the enamel with the Bic, twist them together.

Then I'd wonder whose phoneline this is since I don't even own a phone.

[Anonymous No.1488722]

follow Air Jordan foot prints in snow to jahmals house

[Anonymous No.1488727]

posting in a larper thread

[Anonymous No.1488732]

>>1488700
lmao

[Anonymous No.1488736]

>car turns over, won't start
>go to trunk
>take out portable jump starter
>drive away quite freely

[Anonymous No.1488742]

>>1488736
Driving old farm equipment for work
Get arrested for kidnapping black children.

[Anonymous No.1488747]

>>1488700
How quick does this happen? This might work with a soda bottle mask and 5 mins of prep, hide it in the closet and hide upstairs near window, wait for thuds.

[Anonymous No.1488750]

>in a cabin in an american forest
>too far away for anyone to hear me scream
>get a knock on door
>chainsaw retard starts chainsaw
>fuck.jpg
>slam door
>it's america in a cabin in the woods so I grab my hunting shotgun, like every good American cabin in the woods has
>chainsaw cuts through door
>blow him away
>his last words are "oh shit what"
>no one hears the gunshot since I'm in the boonies
>planned to be here for a week
>don't feel like doing the 45 minute drive to the sheriff just to ruin my trip
>dump him in my lake and go hunting the next morning

[Anonymous No.1488752]

>>1488700
>>1488722
>>1488742
Black people always die in horror movies, they're like never the villain. This is a spooky Halloween thread, get creative.

[Anonymous No.1488754]

>>1488752
Do you work for Hollywood? Is your last name Goldstein? Do you masturbate into ficus plants?I see you jew.

[Anonymous No.1488757]

>>1488754
>>>/pol/
>>>/b/
>>>/tv/

not him but you must go back

[Anonymous No.1488759]

>>1488747
the main problem with chlorine gas is that you can see it

[Anonymous No.1489145]

>>1488700

[Anonymous No.1489180]

>>1488750
>Acquire new chainsaw.

[Anonymous No.1489239]

OK, but what will you guys do when one of the unkillable fucks comes at you? You can't run away from a curse

[Anonymous No.1489387]

>>1489239
Make a pair of ghost buster backpacks and cross the streams.

[Anonymous No.1489457]

>>1489180
>it's a woodshark
>into the trash it goes

[Anonymous No.1489636]

>>1488678
>masked murderer has you backed into the corner
>lifts his axe to brain you
>whip out your Leatherman Wave© and stab him in the chest
>black chick who hasn’t been killed yet says “he cute”

[Anonymous No.1489668]

>lunatic murderer roaming about
>stuff you and 5 other friends into your Mazda Miata™
>doesn't start
>that's okay
>run to your back yard
>climb down a ladder, open a bulkhead
>"Anon where the fuck did you find a huge metal door like this, can't you only get these for like submarines?"
>"Usually yeah, but there were some wooden pallets out back behind a Walmart™™™ and I just kinda did my best."
>Female in the party immediately takes off her shirt
>Enter your underground storage container
>"We can wait him out here. The police will come looking for us eventually and I have enough imitation crab meat in here to last us weeks."
>friends look on in awe
>"Hey, your walls look really good in here, what color white is this?"
>"Oh, it's eggshell with a..."
>sunglasses on
>"...shot of black."
>storage container collapses and your bodies are never found because they can't smell your decay over the weeks old crab meat

[Anonymous No.1489673]

>>1489668
You forgot anonormale's BallWarmers™

[Anonymous No.1489674]

>>1489668
10/10 would watch.

[Anonymous No.1489681]

>>1489673
Also his Rocking Machine replica to pass the time.

[Anonymous No.1489693]

>phone line cut
>call sheriff on cell phone via cell tower relay I payed to have installed
>wait inside with mossy 500 for cavalry to arrive

[Anonymous No.1489732]

>>1489681
I remember the ball warmers but what's this?

[Anonymous No.1489740]

>shoot myself in the head

[Anonymous No.1489790]

>>1489732
Oh are you in for a treat.
https://archived.moe/diy/thread/1382256/

[Anonymous No.1489828]

>>1489668
What is this shot of black meme about?

[Anonymous No.1489833]

>>1488759
>problem

Your average burglar, or even your professional burglar, is never in a million robberies going to fucking assume that some smoke coming from the corner of a room is mustard gas. Their first thought will probably be "oh shit is that a fire starting?" or even better, the more familiar "weed smoke! Oh shit I'ma take a hit of that". Either way, they're going to take a sniff, even if just to determine what it is, and then you hear the thud.

Now, if one was sent in as a test while another (or others) was waiting outside to see if the coast was clear, then they're going to find that their buddy just either died or got knocked out. Not a genius or an idiot would go in and try to find a way to rob the place without meeting the same fate. They're going to get the fuck away and not come back.

[i'm replyijng to a nigger No.1489838]

>>1489828
the amount of sperm in your wifes stomach right now.

[Anonymous No.1489849]

>>1489838
I have no wife, it must've went into your hands, mate.

[Anonymous No.1489852]

>>1489828
>>/diy/thread/1203428#p1203433

[i'm replyijng to a nigger No.1489855]

>>1489849
no i meant your dead mother.

[Anonymous No.1489860]

>>1489852
That was well worth the time it took to read. Thanks for linking it

[Anonymous No.1489901]

>>1489790
The absolute madman. I can't wait for his next project

[Anonymous No.1490021]

>>1488678
>Come out of cabin and car tire is flat
>Open trunk and grab Ryobi cordless air compressor & .45 acp pistol.
>Fill tire
>Drive away

[Anonymous No.1490023]

Off Topic: A friendly reminder that Ted Kaczynski was the second coming of Jesus Christ and y'all turned him down

[Anonymous No.1490130]

>zombie apocalypse breaks out
>bunkerbro saves everyone on /diy/

[Anonymous No.1490157]

>trip up the stairs while holding a full bowl of cereal

[Anonymous No.1490186]

>>1488750
>>dump him in my lake and go hunting the next morning

>doesn't gut and clean body and get it stuffed
>doesn't carve up body and live stream it
>doesn't post to youtube
>doesn't post to liveleak
>doesn't sell meat on darkweb
>doesn't get great bookdeal

cmon man.. go hunting? You just did!

>>1489636
>>whip out your Leatherman Wave© and stab him in the chest

Do you even tactical flashlight?

[Anonymous No.1490188]

>>1490130
>/diy/ becomes dwarves

[Anonymous No.1490350]

>>1490130
That guy is my hero. I haven't been here lately, I wonder what his progress is?
>>1490188
Based dwarves. My first d&d character was a dwarven cleric.

[Anonymous No.1490663]

>>1488700
>>1488747
>>1488759
>>1489833
>chlorine gas
thats pussy shit. its super easy to make hydrogen sulfide gas grenades

[Anonymous No.1490728]

>>1490663
>not making bleach + ammonia crystals
obviously not the artsy type are you

[Anonymous No.1490757]

>find bargain house
>oddly cheap for the area
>do some digging find out people had been saying its haunted
>doors opening and slamming on their own, weird noises, lights flickering
>return next day
>re hinge all doors, rewire house, clean vents

[Anonymous No.1490821]

>>1489833
Your nigger rigged bleach/ammonia bucket isn't gonna generate enough chlorine to kill someone with a single whiff in a million years. Also chlorine has a very distinctive smell and anyone who's not a retard would gtfo of the room immediately, and certainly not go take a deep breath of it.

[Anonymous No.1490829]

>>1488750
>tfw your government just changed the self defense law adding the word "always" before legitimate in "self defence is legitimate..."

[Anonymous No.1490909]

>>1490821
Not him, but you can keep being a dumbass all you want and you'll still be wrong. /b/ did that shit for years and put a lot of people in the hospital with a lot less than a bucket. Plus, look up the guy from /k/ who tried making a bucket full (the amount you're wrong about) while wearing a gas mask and didn't realize it would burn his skin off (it did). Quit trying to act like you know what you're talking about and insulting people.

[Anonymous No.1490917]

>>1490909

/k/ thread was confirmed fake though.

[Anonymous No.1490949]

> wake up in run down house
> tv is talking to me about playing a game
> grab nearest blunt instrument
> break down shitty wall
> leave house
Later I buy the house after the murders for dirt cheap and flip it

[Anonymous No.1490990]

>shitty acid alien roaming ship
>stuff shotgun shells with baking soda
>alien explodes in foaming mess with single shot

[Anonymous No.1491016]

>>1490909
That was with them literally sticking their face in the jar and blowing on the straw. Chloramine is what is produced in that reaction, and it is a lot less potent than mustard gas or even actual chlorine gas. Maybe you should learn what you are talking about.

[Anonymous No.1491066]

>murderer has you trapped
>pulls out his chains saw and revs it up
>you see that it’s a Chicago Electric
>grab couch cushion to defend yourself
>it’s super effective!
>motor windings burnout, and you berate and insult the murderer for buying cheap chink harbor freight shit
>he leaves and you go back to watching Bob Villa YouTube vids

[Anonymous No.1492198]

>>1490990
>>1491066
Kek

>>1491016
I think he should try it out himself.

[Anonymous No.1492585]

>>1490990
>infected crew member brushes his teeth with baking soda toothpaste
>explodes
I like this

[Anonymous No.1494119]

>michael myers forces your home's door open
>cringe at his shitty chink ryobi-tier quality overalls that get cuts and rips off just by looking wrong at them
>go to your garage and find him real overalls
>give him a proper knife you made as a /diy/ project
>clean his white mask and repaint it with white paint with a shot of black to give good coverage
>become bros
>have dinner with him and eat imitation crab meat and drink alcohol you distilled yourself as another /diy/ project with a questionable amount of methanol in it
>let him stay at the geodesic dome you got memed into buying at your garden
>meme him into a trade but not into welding because you don't want him to die by the time he is 30
>tell you're wife's grandson about the friend you made

[Anonymous No.1495015]

>buy a gun
>bang bang