/diy/ - Do It Yourself

Thats not a diy story though.

gay...

How about "awful engineer stories"

My engineer ("in the USAF") roommate couldn't jumpstart my truck and said that it must be dead, wouldn't even let me try it because he was afraid I would "short out" his car and I suppose explode it.

However the tittering blondes with high heels and glitter lipgloss were able to pull up their SUV and help me jump it in no time.

"oh my god, you don't know how many times I've had this happen to me in the mall parking lot!!"

*clip clip, rev, start*

The product of the American Education system. Isn't it grand?

Anyway, first time I tried brewing mead, I didn't have a pressure release valve. Instead I was using a plastic gallon jug with a screw on-cap and stuck it in my closet to keep it cool and in the dark. Well, a few days pass and I'm sitting around playing a bit of this weird new game (Minecraft Alpha) when I hear a loud pop. I ignore it for a few minutes until I start smelling alcohol and what I assumed to be fermented honey. I open the door and see a massive amber puddle on my carpet, and the milk jug had ripped itself open. The screw-cap was still secured.

>GOD DAMNIT

Since then I've gained some experience and I now make a very fine product.

>>71233

Ohgod

I brewed kefir in a plastic gallon jug too. I never had one explode but I did get hit in the eye socket by the cap when I touched it to take it off. (of course, yes dumb to even let it point my way, but well, you know) I had a bruise

Got myself wide-mouth swing top glass containers at thrift, no problems since (the kind for storing spaghetti I guess).

>>71218

If it takes that much effort, it's a project.

>>71257

"Can you help me with this bottle?"
"Do it yourself."

Now it's /diy/ related.

>>71218
Would "How to open a beer without a bottle opener" be diy enough?

My method, learned through desperation: use a small flat screwdriver to prise up the cap, a little at a time, working around the cap, until it's loose enough to remove by hand.

>>71310
a key will work for this as well

>>71310

If you're on a camping trip and forgot an opener a seatbelt buckle works like a charm

>>71233
As an aside, the poor man's airlock is a balloon with air holes poked into it with a really thin needle/pin, then auger a hole in the cap, shove the balloon through and secure with super glue or something.

>>71310
Grip tightly right under the cap, take any hard, flat object (knife blade, shim etc.), use your knuckles as leverage and pry the cap off. It hurts the first couple of times you try if you fail, but after you know where to rest the flat object on your knuckles then it's really easy.
Heres a diy fail.
My friend is a mechanical engineer and we are avid mountain bikers. Anyway, he was trying to remove the wheel from an old bike that used v-brakes. He disassembled the entire brake. I went to the back brake and showed him how to release the brakes with just a slight squeeze and lifting up on the cable.
Did I mention the guy is a mechanical engineer?

I hook my wedding ring under the lip of the beer and make a quick "revving the Motorcycle" motion, and it pops right off.

>don't tell the wife I use my wedding ring as a bottle opener.

>>71310
>>71312
>>71331
>>71352
Almost anything works as a bottle opener, easiest thing would be a lighter. Or another bottle. Lately I'm having the problem that I can't find any new items to open bottles with, since I tried pretty much everything that could work already. Including newspaper.

>>71231
I guess I don't really understand the whole 'awful engineer' stories. Nowhere in school do they teach you how to jump start a car - this information is usually given on the jumper cable packaging. This would not seem to make him a poor engineer, but rather oblivious to the obvious (or stupid if you prefer). As far as exploding the battery - that can and does happen if you don't follow the correct procedures in jump starting batteries due to the hydrogen gas produced and the sparking that can occur. That's why you're supposed to connect Dead-pos./Good-pos./Good-neg./Dead-frame.

>>71213
Back to the 'bad engineer' - which class exactly did they teach bottle opener mechanics? Also, I'm looking at a bottle of Blue Moon and it is certainly not twist off - I guess your girlfriend would make a 'bad bartender'.

I suppose my complaint is that your friends aren't inherently bad at something, they're apparently just stupid.

Sage for an idiotic thread.

>>71373
Bottle opener mechanics would have been intro to physics / kinematics. Torques, moments, and all that good stuff.

>>71373
No, it's about something extremely simple that they over-think.
Stop being sensitive you stupid asshole.
Some things you shouldn't have to be taught in school...

anyone who drinks bottled beer and doesnt own one of these things is a complete fucking moron, engineer or not.

One of the only /diy/ threads to not such since the first week the board was up.

And everyone is bitching and "diy is srs bsnss"ing it to death.

Man.

>>71380
Butthurt much you sensitive twat?

Everyone in this thread is desperately reaching to be better than real engineers.

Go back to your shipping containers and sculpey, fags.

>>71390
>implying something
it sounds to me like you are the butthurt one.
If you don't like this thread, don't click on the link, pretty easy

Why so many angry drunks in this thread?

>>71213
Wow what a dumb fuck.

You can use almost anything as a bottle opener. I normally just use my lighter.

i'm a set maker in the film industry and at our shop we use pieces of hardwood to pop beer caps. You can use anything as long as you know the basic principles (fulcrum&leverage)

story:
we were working on location in costa rica for a film shoot and our job was to make a 400 sq. ft. treehouse about 50' up in the canopy. This wasnt an easy job, it was humid as fuck and every tool we used was suspended on ropes. We were all jazzed to be in CR because in the jungle shit is always late for deliveries and we were getting paid basically to climb trees, rig ropes and sit around for hours drinking beer and smoking brown weed. It was nearing the end of the build and i was hanging off a rope adding trim to the outside of the treehouse when my buddy says "look theres some monkeys lets fuck with them" he proceeds to make noises and taunt the monkeys and they freak on him and start jumping down to us. before i could climb up to the platform this monkey jumps down to me and starts attacking me, grabbing my tools from my tool belt and making crazy ass noises trying to mug me. I'm spinning around in circles screws flying everywhere and this is the point i decide to rap down and get the fuck out of there. i could hear my buddy who was cornered yelling to me to turn on the compressor so he could pop them with the nailgun. I get down to the ground and hit the compressor switch and hear pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop....then silence. I could see monkeys bailing off the sides and then i hear my buddy scream for me to get back up here. He was bitten like 20 times all over his body and he killed a big ass monkey that was latched onto his thigh with the framing nailer. He also shot himself through the nut and in his thigh and had to be life flighted out to the hospital.
I stayed on for another month and never fucked with the monkeys ever again. Lesson learned.

>>71373
The vast majority of blue moons are definitely twist off. Never seen one that wasn't.
Pic related, just took it right now.

A lighter is my go to

Engineers who don't know how a lever works = shitty engineers.

>>71403
George of the jungle?

build an in-ear system from an old IR-wireless-Headphone set.

Disassembled it, crammed it all into a little wooden box, IR-receivers were at the sides. Then I painted it until it looked rather well. Sort of worked up to a range of about 20 meter but was to bulky, so I threw it away.

guess again....damned jews.

>Don't kjnow how to open a beer with another beer
Fucking casuals.
Although the trick is opening the last bottle once you've run out of other bottles of beer.
In that situation any of the above methods are acceptable.

>>71448
>fucking casuals
thats hardcore brah

http://stuff.twoday.net/

brought to you by germany, the home of beer and engineering!
Another bottle:
http://stuff.twoday.net/stories/94467/
Beer crate
http://stuff.twoday.net/stories/103001/
Teeth:
http://stuff.twoday.net/stories/103458/
Newspaper:
http://stuff.twoday.net/stories/105293/
Beltbuckle:
http://stuff.twoday.net/stories/106300/
Matchbox:
http://stuff.twoday.net/stories/110211/
Coin:
http://stuff.twoday.net/stories/116852/
Handbag:
http://stuff.twoday.net/stories/122856/
Bottle cap:
http://stuff.twoday.net/stories/132602/
Credit card:
http://stuff.twoday.net/stories/136518/
Hairslide:
http://stuff.twoday.net/stories/139910/
PIECE OF FUCKING PAPER:
http://stuff.twoday.net/stories/181028/

>Watch this video.
>ignore the annoying music
>????
>DRINK!

dear god, if you dumbfucks cant figure out howto open a bottle with no opener, then god save your souls if its time to open a tincan.

I use a spoon to open bottles.
easy as pie.

also
>rest bottle cap teeth on any hard ledge.
>quick push down with free hand.

>POP

>>71694

people sometimes ask my why i chew on my coffee table

>>71698
something with a metal edge is best.
metal grills or shit.
wood will get fucked up, and if youre stupid enough to use your furniture, then fuck you, break the bottle over your head and drink it that way.

>>71698
>rest butter-knife or similar flat metal object on the edge of the table
>perform procedure detailed above
>drink your delicious beer
>realize you're a fucking moron

>2011
>not having bottle openers embedded in your apparel
>ISHYGDDT

Get on my level.

>>71719
enjoy your dirt caked beer you fucking cunt.

>>71719
>wearing flip-flops anywhere other than the beach or the pool
>any year

>>71725
I laughed way harder at that than I should have.

>>71725
>implying I don't also have a bottle opener on my belt

>>71731
enjoy your crotch scented beer, you fucking queer.

>>71732
>2011
>not drinking beer from a waterfull created by your friend pouring the bottle down your other friends taint from between his buttcheeks.
>ISHYGDDT

>paying extra for fagggy branded bottle-opener apparel when as this thread has already shown you can open a bottle with absolutely anything, even a piece of fucking paper.

Ishygddt

>>71739

>not using the bottle opener on the multitool you carry in your pocket

>>71742

You guys don't sound fun to drink with at all.

>>71373

>which class exactly did they teach bottle opener mechanics?

Engineering 101. You know, the one about lever mechanics. Because that's what that is.

>>71403

Who needs a bottle opener when you can just use the next bottle of beer to open the current bottle of beer.

Remember when we were telling /diy/ stories, or even shitty engineer stories? I missed that. I wish I had one.

>>71231
I've seen batteries blown up, I'm pretty anal about how I do it, If I absolutely have to and the battery is in Good condition.. the other dude was right, as for grounds I use the engine block, Best ground you can use, and when you are done helping them start up, you turn on your lights before you disconnect the batteries starting with the grounds.

>>71373

butthurt engineer detected

>Average engineer

>>71373
>Nowhere in school do they teach you how to jump start a car
They do, actually, it's called drivers ed.

>>71899
While they may have taught _you_ in driver's ed. I can assure you that is not the norm (in this country).

But back to the diy stories...

>>72053

Where are you from? Driver's ed is an elective class in most countries. But regardless, you need education in driving to have a license, so I don't see your point.

>>72063
Nova Scotia - I took driver's ed. outside of school (it wasn't offered?) and they never addressed the issue of jump starting a car. I've never come across someone who was taught this in school, hence the tone of the last post (sorry about that).

I'm not sure what the point is, other than, they don't seem to teach it because it's on the packaging. It'd be rather off topic, in that we were taught rights of the roadway, pedestrian traffic laws etc. not maintenance or the like.

Bump for more stories.

I have so many about my little sister. She's 14 and lives with our dad in Texas. Her solution to opening things up?

Shoot it.

> be 7
> have a bunch of old broken crayons
> steal some of mom's plain white taper candles
> get up at ass of dawn
> sneak downstairs
> attempt to melt down crayon and taper pieces in a glass bowl in microwave, this is srs bsns, I'm going to dip some fantastic rainbow candles, saw something about dipping candles in a book at the library
> take out bowl very carefully with potholders and everything
> slow motion trip while walking towards the sink
> molten lumpy multicolor chunks of wax everywhere, on the new tile floor, on the custom cabinets, on the grout,
> no burns

> everythingwentbetteretc.

> mom gets up, initializing hysteria sequence
> mom wipes eyes "Well anon, at least you didn't get hurt or burn the house down"
> mfw

Twist caps ARE harder to pry off.

But yes, most engineers I know are conceptually brilliant but functionally retarded.

Technicians FTW.

Also what model SAK do u have?

>>71373
nope, engineers after planned obsolescence became really popular in the 40's and 50's are fucking dumbasses. my guess you go to work, do basically nothing, and make an intern design whatever it is you're supposed to be designing. seriously, a 3 yr old with some legos can conceptualize better engineering better than most engineers with a masters.

>>72364
OP

I've never seen anything conceptually brilliant about the guy. He's failed the same math class three times, and when one of his courses went into electrical wiring, he didn't understand it so he copied off of a friend instead. Not the kind of thing you want to passively suck at if you plan on working with it. Skips class to play World of Warcraft all day, etc.

I have a Husky, but it's not really a swiss army knife; everyone who has asked to use it has referred to it as such though. It's got a pair of pliers, a knife, two saws, bottle opener, wire cutters, a file, and flathead and phillips screwdrivers.

Manliest tool to open a bottle: chainsaw. 'Nugh said.

>>72370
I was that intern, now I'm unemployed :)


Thanks to all the guys shitting on me for being an engineer in this thread. I'm sure you've got a large sample size of engineers that you've observed and have never had a "brain fart" in your life.

But that's all this board is, I made something and it didn't explode, we engineer now. Pity you don't even know how to approximate the noise through your home designed power supply or have a project that would even need said noise controlled. Hopefully you made the computer you're posting on from mosfets you designed and fabricated yourself, otherwise you'd look pretty silly right now.

>>72424

>>72424

mad engineer = mad nigganeer

>>72424
Why so butthurt oh engineer? people in this thread were decrying the fact that some engineers have high level academic qualifications, yet they seem unable to grasp the actual mechanical applications of the engineering concepts they spent years memorizing. There's no need to get mad, unless you are one of these creatures, and if so, you should only be mad at yourself.

Wow, I must be a total asshole.

I use the right tool for the job (a bottle opener for opening bottles, shocking).

And I don't shit all over people who have not been taught how to perform a task if I was lucky enough to have been taught it. (guess who else wasn't BORN with the knowledge of how to jump a car? Hitler...)

I hope that someday I'm too cool for school, like you guys.

>>72424
As a fellow engineer, I was going to mindlessly leap to your defence, but you appear to have gone out of your way to dig your very own little buttsmashed crybaby bunker and you deserve everything you're getting

My stupid engineer story
>be drunk
>taking out the trash to the incinerator
>without thinking, throw an entire box of spent aerosol cans (paint, wd-40, etc.) in and slam the door and walk off
>as soon as I get back into the office the windows shatter
>small mushroom cloud
>1 exploded $100,000 incinerator

Well, shit.

>>72444
You mistake eye rolling for butthurt young one. Just pointing out the inherent hypocrisy of this board, want to be engineers, but jump over the smallest mistakes of any engineer because they feel inferior. Seriously, this place is a giant dick measuring contest, you must have noticed it? The worst part is, for all the naysayers, it seems like none of them post anything else. Oh, and this thread belongs on /b/

>>72467


you sir are a marvel of nature and you have my respect

>>72467
Idiot I'd even be mad.
Sure I just lost a $100,000. Machine, but Dayum.

>>72510
I don't think I'd even be mad*


See we all make mistakes lol

>>72512

I doubt 99.998% of 4chan users have laid claim to destroying a $100,000 piece of equipment.

>>72512

I doubt 99.998% of 4chan users have laid claim to destroying a $100,000 piece of equipment. Hell, I don't think the denizens of /o/ haven't destroyed anything more than a Dodge Neon.

This is the only dedicated bottle opener I own.

If I don't happen to have a SAK or Leatherman, I make do.

Now, opening wine without a corkscrew, that takes some engineerings.

>>72560
push the cork in with a pen.

>>72568
put the base of the bottle in your shoe. smack shoe against a hard surface a couple of times.

sounds weird, but it actually works.

>>72568
That's a crime. You are a criminal.

>>72580
That may be, but I'm drinking delicious wine without a corkscrew.

When I was in Sweden, I saw this guy (friend of a friend) open up two bottles of beer by holding one upside-down, using it's bottle cap to clip off the right side up one, flipping the other one right side up again, then coming down on the open bottle's lip and opening the second one, all in one fluid motion (basically just made an arc with the one bottle, making contact twice). I told some friends about it while we were camping, and one of them goes "I have to try that!", and does what I described. Or at least, almost. First half worked great, and he opened the stationary bottle fine, but when he came back down with the moving bottle, it just shattered and cut the fuck out of his hand. Not too sure how you practice something like that, but it probably helps if you learn from someone who actually knows how to do it instead of someone who just saw it once.

>>72560

I used a pocket knife and dug the cork out.

To jump cars i just hook the dead terminals up to my nipples and masturbate furiously. Either the car starts or I get off either way its win win.

Anybody else open bottles with thier teeth?
Takes like, less than half a second, its literally a tap against the top and bottom row if you do it right, with a slight turn. barely any force against your teeth

Plus it looks cool as shit when some douche is struggling with a bottle cap and you pop that fucker in a split second wiv yo TEEF

Also I'm not an engineer, I never even finished school, your engineer lives sound a tad shit

>>72614


Aussie oldfag here, I wish someone had of told me not to do that when I was younger, all my left side teeth top and botton are fucked. Get dental insurance if you want to keep doing this.

>>72614
>>72624
Thought I was a boss doing this in my teens. 3 chipped teeth later, never again.

>>72624
This. It may all seem fine and dandy now, and not feel like its doing any damage but if you have any level of enamel erosion, your teeth could just break the fuck in half when you're doing this.

>not having an old church key as a bottle opener
>ISHYGDDT

Pic related. Makes a great conversation piece as well.

Is it me, or are the only people getting mad in this thread are actual engineers?

You guys DO realize that the resentment from follies that you're projecting onto this thread are irrelevant to the thread's actual thread, right? Right guys? The thread's about funny stories. Post some, instead of having a fight over who has the biggest e-penis.

As for me, I'm archiving this thread. The asspained reactions are well worth keeping alive.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_miOYe6AVI

>>72868

Link doesn't exist.

>>71373

The #1 any Engineer should be able to do:

SOLVE A FUCKING PROBLEM.

I have a degree in Electrical Engineering and jesus christ if most of my class wasn't full of math whizzes who could tell you the difference between a mosfet or bipolar transistor, much less point one out in a pile of parts.

>>72904
>>71373

The #1 any Engineer should be able to do:

SOLVE A FUCKING PROBLEM.

I have a degree in Electrical Engineering and jesus christ if most of my class wasn't full of math whizzes who could tell you the difference between a mosfet or bipolar transistor, much less point one out in a pile of parts.

COULDN'T - couldn't tell you difference

>Damn staying up all night/day working on the house. At least the plumbing and electrical are done.

>>72908

Me again. I don't really have any good real engineering stories. We did have a fair amount of people who sucked hard at doing breadboard designs of logic systems. I could do that all day, but sucked hard at doing K-maps/logic tables by hand.

So instead you can have some highlights from my recent bathroom rebuild.

>Had molten solder fall onto my finger (copper plumbing)...now second degree burn and hurts like hell.
>Electrocuted myself. At least it was my arm, not the first or last time that'll happen.

What's the deal with the engineers in this thread?

>grab not completely cooled shit I just brazed
>WHOA HOT!
>run to the bathroom, run cold water over it
>suffer second degree burns anyway
Since then, tongs or welder's mittens.

>>72581
>>72568

>Drive a woodscrew half way into the center of the wine cork
>Pry

captcha: boorish associate

>>72560
Push a ball inflator through the cork, then use a compressor or bike pump to pump air into the wine bottle.

>Have a friend that gets an engineering degree
>Is also into cosplay
>Decides to make a costume with moving demon wings
>Goes with an underpowered motor to move the thing
>Covers the wings so now the motor can barely move
>Finishes the wings off with roofing tar so now they are too heavy to move or wear.

How the fuck did any of this add out as being successful in that head or yours?

I have opened bottles with pennies... it was all i really had on hand and i'm too poor to have anything better, woo for bumming drinks off people

My roommate is an engineer. I seriously think he's mentally disturbed, because he can't seem to function on his own without help. He's older than me, and he acts like a child on a daily basis.

Story time. So he's sitting at his computer, doing (what appears to be) programming homework for college, when he starts yelling at the computer screen. "FUCKING FUCK SHIT I CAN'T FIGURE THIS OUT WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO!?!?!?" He takes his brand new keyboard that his parents mailed to him and he starts pounding on it. Not breaking it, but it's some obvious disrespect towards his own shit. This guy eventually breaks down and cries. Instead of looking for help, which he'll practically demand for every other little thing, he acts like a fucking baby.

I later learned he's a furry though. Sort of explains a lot.

>>72063
Texfag here. first of all,Dr.Ed. is not done through the school here. and when i went though we only talked briefly about jump starting a car. basically the teacher said that you have to get special cables now so you dont kill the other car's radio/gps/tv/whateverthefuck.

>>72612
ok not so funny hilarious story here.
>be 17, in welding class.
>class is full of retards (first day people were hitting the acetylene tanks with hammers)
>22 year old super seinor kid (biggest dumb-fuck i have, and ever will meet.) attaches the metal clamps from a stick welder to his nipples
>tells two other guys to turn the welders on.
>fly's 48 feet across the Ag. shop, into a brick wall and bust's his head open.
>is careflighted out, dies twice on the way there, and loses his nipples.

this is the shit i dealt with every day.

> Be in class
> Be doing one of our final lectures on 8 bit screens, HEX and simple logic circuits. Easy stuff.
> Lecture says "And lastly just put the word in hexidecimal
> Ginger in class "Woah what's?"
> "Hmmm?"
> "Hexidecimal, what? Is that a thing?"

Another time
> Be setting up a PA, we're a Music Tech Class
> Fucking Amp's surge resistor is blown and the speaker pops.
> A different goofball
> "Uhhh, Jaknow...uh, Tom? Is that...jaknow, whachacallit 50 hz hum?"

The worst part? AC is 60hz here.

>>75054
I fail to see the diy part here.

>>75066

Engineer herp is still herp.

>>75026

I don't know whether or not they still do this, but tow trucks called out to jump start cars used to use two 12V batteries in series, in order to save time and effort. I can see how this could blow up a lot of your electronics.

Also, read your owners manual. It tells you how to jack the car up and jump start it. I had to read mine to figure out how to jump start my Prius. (Hint. You jump start it through the fusebox).

This just happened to me
> Get drunk one night, drive won't open on my 360
> drunk logic: get a flat head and force it
> broke, only opens a couple inches and won't close
> about a week later (today) I decide to take a swing at fixing
> pull 360 apart, disassemble drive
> drive tray track is fucked, broke in 2 places
> off to pawn shop, pick up rrod for $40
> swap drives, won't read game discs. plays dvds just fine, but no games
> swap drive trays
> drive won't open on it's own, but will read discs

Now I'm rocking the ghettobox 270™ with full manual drive control. pic related

>>72631
>>72629
>>72624

This. You've probably already got microfractures in your teeth.

>>75159
As far as I think I know, you could use any old SATA DVD drive.
Buy one off newegg for $30, swap it in, boom, probably fully functional sexbox.

>>75159

> off to pawn shop, pick up rrod for $40

> $40
> rrod

I seriously hope that you got like two controllers or something with it, because paying $40 for something that is already broken... man...

I lol'd so hard at all the butthurt in this thread. But seriously, this board is seriously more funny than any other board.

>>75402

I like this idea.

>>72487
>>72424
You're awfully pretentious

>>75159
you got to swap the mainboard on the cd drive. look up drive repair on youtube. you cant just swap the drives out.

Or you could,

OPEN A BOTTLE WITH ANOTHER BOTTLE...

>>71403
>dat picture.

Nice new day project right there.

>>71403
>>71403
what is that bit of metal in the top for ?

Woudln't the nail come out after opening a few bottles ?

this thread needs more posts about opening a bottle without another bottle

there is clearly not enough of that already

>Woudln't the nail come out after opening a few bottles ?

It shouldn't. Most of the force is pulling down on the edge of the nail which runs parallel to the bent potion in the wood, compressing the wood against the embedded nail.

If anything, the nail could eventually start to bend, and if continually used improperly (in a way which would cause the nail to twist) it may work its way out.

The plug on the top however is probably from production to keep any of that from happening.

>>76658
Sweet.
I've got a load of chunks of wood, I see some experimenting in the near future.

Bump.

>>72612
Oh god you made my week

Old SCA trick...

If you have a "closed-face" style helm, you can use the narrow eyeslot to open a bottle cap.

(unless it's a twist-off)

>>75054
I severely damaged a $300000 wit a $120000 tractor, which i totalled
>Didn't even get fired

>>77865
>#winning