/diy/ - Do It Yourself

If its your front yard 6 feet is probably the max. Trees and shrubs can go to any height though... try to find out if hes allergic to any that grow well in your area. Bleach on his lawn is always nice. Don't be a fuckhead and spell out something on his lawn, just hit it up in patches so he has dead spots and it looks like shit yet could be natural. Boiling water can also do the trick and can also easily kill larger plants. Maybe start a compost pile someplace in your back yard that he has a nice view of, thats always lovely. If hes down wind of it, so much the better. Are you annoyed by yippy little shit dogs and bark at all hours? Big barky dogs? If not, is he? Toss some bird seed into his gutters, if theres anything up there but cold, hard steel he'll have grass growing out of them in a few weeks and need to clean it out, thats always a PITA.

>>271459
You could always just set his house on fire

>>271472

That was my first thought. Nothing would please me more than doing so.

>>271463

I did not think of trees, but that is a semi-long term plan. Perhaps I need trees and something else, only problem is that the area between my house and the fence is about 15 feet or less, not too much room for growing trees. Though it is something to think about. Thanks.

OP here, I have some portable garages so I was thinking of putting those up.

I don't get why people can't mind their own fucking business. I guess that's why people have been killing one another since the dawn of time.

Op, best thing is to get into a fight, but it's important you don't instigate it and make it look 100percent his fought, let him punch you around a bit, maybe first install a cam/ Then afterwards call the police sue him and press charges. You will never deal with him again and you can even get a restraining order/

Are you an American in a state with non-shitty defense laws?

>>271484
>>271484

>>271502
>>271502

I live in Canada, it is unlikely he would attempt to fight me as he is in his 50's and I am in my 30's.

I am physically intimidating and have at least 50 pounds on him.

I would probably have to rape his wife to get him to punch me.

He's a passive aggressive bitch. He phones the fucking city on me if my grass is too tall by a quarter inch of his liking for Christ sakes.

I know he phones because I do work for the city and they just tell me, but they have to harass me anyway or they get sued apparently.

He attempted to stop me from constructing my garage by filing protests with the city as well. But in the end he lost and I have my garage....

Like I said I am looking for ways to not murder him, but he is really pushing it. I am almost at the point were 6 months in jail would be worth it just to punch the dick. Though my wife and kids would not see it my way. :/

Can you get some really tall shrubs or bushes to block his view?

All right. You really want to screw with him?

The guy probably has a home phone, right? You know where the gray box attached to the side of the house is where your phone line runs in?

Go to your neighbor's box and open that up. Usually just takes one Philips screw to open it up. Inside, you should find a standard phone plug plugged into a receptacle. Unplug that and plug in a standard corded phone. As long as your neighbor has home phone service, you should get a dial tone.

Now for the fun part: Hit *67 (so it looks like you tried and failed to conceal your phone number), then call the White House switchboard and claim that you're going to blow the president's brains out and hang up.

In very short order, they're going to find the source of that phone call and descend on your neighbor's house like flies on shit. And your neighbor will have a very, very bad day.

>>271518

Was just considering making a tall garden to block his view. Money is no object and besides plants are damn near free this time of the year. This may be my only option.

OP i just bought a house and some of the things i had to repair was the sewer line. but i learned some things. depending on what type of sewage system he has(city/septic tank) look for the pipe that sticks up randomly in the yard. ok find it open it BE CAREFUL it has shit inside it could spew out. anyways try and stick something that could swell up and jam the line. then his plumbing should back up inside when he tries to flush ano no amount of plunging is going to fix that he is going to need a plumber to come out. right now i was thinking pour some concrete mix but that could get dirty and obvious now i'm thinking a couple of boxes of tampons should do the trick.

OP, if you're a bit good with electronics, try the TV remote thing >>271349 describes. He'll think his TV is fucked up, he'll try to get it repaired, they tell him nothing's wrong, he gets a new TV. Money down the sewer right there.

Your best bet is to probably murde-- Oh, hang on.

...Shit, I don't know.

Maybe if you got a fire marshal to explain to him that what you're doing is pretty safe? Neighbors are assholes sometimes. You finally find a house that you love, you spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on it and then after 2 months, when you're just settling in, you realize your neighbors are douchebags and they're making your home time less enjoyable.

I egged my neighbors house once because he was threatening to capture my cat and take her to the pound unless I locked her inside an enclosure every time she was outside. Surprisingly, he didn't say much after that. I thought it would blow up in my face but everything worked out fine. The cat runs free and I have had no problems since.

You could also try shitting in his letterbox or something similar.

Write down all of the dates and times you can remember him harassing you, gather together any of the paperwork of the city being called on you by him, consult a lawyer first, then go to the police and file a harassment charge, after you file the charge, mail him a letter, informing you that you have filed harassment charges against him because of his insistence of attempting to control actions on your property and that you want no further contact with him. Any time after he even steps on your property, attempts to talk to you for anything, call the police and file a report, eventually the police will get tired of dealing with both of you and arrest you both. I doubt he is as prepared to go to jail as you are, seeing that he feels empowered. And it's only one night in jail. It's a slow process, but he's passive aggressive, he will never understand how much of a dick he is and won't be capable of processing that he's crossing lines until it gets him arrested.

Being a dick begets being a cock, and soon someone ends up fucked.

Best not to escalate the situation with violence or destruction. Hire a mediator to resolve your conflict (it will be cheaper than hiring a criminal lawyer).

>>271459
Geez, just tell him that if he doesn't stay off your property you're calling the police and charging him with trespassing, and be prepared to back that up with actually doing it.

>>271616
>>271616
This. File for harassment, tell him, go to your house, hel'll probably follow you to yours, ask him to leave, and get the nigger arrested for harassment/tpassing
Much better than boiling his lawn(also, possibility of cameras)

>>271604
>Maybe if you got a fire marshal to explain to him that what you're doing is pretty safe?

I think the OP should invite the fire marshal/safety inspector over to inspect the firer pit to make sure it is safe. Get this documented. Then if the neighbor gets pissy again you have all the clout in the world to tell him to piss off. If he calls the cops, you can have proof that the fire pit is approved professionally.

>>271463
Compost Heaps aren't supposed to smell

How about you stop being a beta faggot and man up?

If he gives you shit, you tell him to fuck off. Tell that faggot if he ever tries to fuck with you, you will rape and murder his entire family.

Op, he is your neighbor and unless you or he decide to move anytime soon you will be stuck with one another for awhile.

Why dont you try to bridge the divide between you two? Throw some steaks on the grill, get some beer on ice and invite him over to hang out.
Learn about the man and find out what his beef is. Maybe there are a few minor things you can do to help make his life better and in return he will stop being such an ass to you.
Show him you are human as he is. Talk about how busy your job is and how you would like to stay on top of your yard better, and hope to get it done soon.
Hell even cut his grass when you are cutting yours if you can.

Yeah, you can be a total ass back to him and things will devolve into shit between you guys or you can find a common ground and he might turn out to be a good neighbor.

My neighbor for years was kindy creepy and a bit of an ass. I found out what his favorite beer was and dropped off a 12pack one day. Every since he has been one of the best neighbors I ever had. Anyone comes into my yard he tells me what the vehicle was and where they went. One time he even jumped the fence to break up my 2 dogs from fighting over food to help my wife.

>>271706
>>271706

Fuck your shit, no building bridges. Op needs to blow up fucking bridges, set shit on fire, murder puppies, and manly shit.

>>271706
build dem bridges. It's a lot easier to make enemies than friends, but enemies have potential to fuck your life up (like if you have no tax on your car and he rings the police/sees you drive home drunk one night etc) a friend is more likely to ignore certain "indiscretions" against the law more than someone who's out to get you.

>>271711
This is stupid.

Get a restraining order against him. My neighbour sounds a lot like yours and the little faggot made up a BS story and got one on me and its been a fucking nightmare fighting it.

Hide some drugs in his car if he has one.
Or just sneak in to his house and put them somewhere.
Then call the cops.

>>271932

you cant just report somebody for drugs. cops wont believe you if they even give a fuck.

>>271459
OP you need this :
http://www.ehow.com/how_4615849_plant-care-pyracanthas.html

Trust me...nasty stuff. The only downside is...its nasty stuff for you too

I'm gonna murder my neighbor and his fat piece of shit son, I'd like to shatter the fat fuck's spine if possible ..so he knows the meaning of suffering

I have a similar problem, my neighbor keeps having fucking bonfires in his back yard even though we're in the middle of the fucking city and it's illegal. Normally I don't care about stuff like that, but we're in the middle of a huge drought and cinders were falling on my roof and on my lawn.

Instead of calling bylaw or the fire department I went over to talk to him about it and he started to cry and ran inside his house mumbling something.

I really don't know what to do, help me /diy/

You could start his house on fire.

/thread

>>271682
Bring beer for the fire marshall and the guy and build bridge at the same time. Don't have the fire marshall over as an on-the-clock job, so he can drink and have a steak too.

Send him a box of shit.

Just a big ol' box of shit.

Every day, from different addresses.

OP here:

Trimmed some branches today. Neighbor parked his truck at the end of my driveway and said "You better have a permit to trim that tree."

Pulled out my phone and reported myself to the authorities.
Mentioned that I was using a chainsaw that polluted too much and that it hurt my ears.(Husqvarna, and worth every cent)

For some reason the police actually did show up, asked if I phoned bylaw enforcement on myself. When I said YUP! they laughed and damn near fell over before leaving.

Anyways the neighbor has several trees that encroach on my property, his fence is 1 1/2feet over the limit in the back and his newly constructed porch is too close to the sidewalk to be legal. His dog also barks non-stop at all hours of the day.

I have reported him 0 times. I have complained 0 times. I can play this game too except I break no laws, whereas he does. I do not want to be an asshole. I do not know what his deal is. The only thing I can think of is that he is super pissed that my house is on three lots (he has one) twice the size of his and I have a damn fine new shop. His house is 2 bedroom, no garage and the lot would not allow him to build one.

If he ever moves or dies I am going to buy his house and therefore I can choose who lives there in the future.

As for being "beta" think what you want. I told him to stay off my property and out of my business last night. Today I told him to get a life, or a hobby. What should I do next time?

Shove the chainsaw through his chest? His wife is a decent woman and I would not like to do harm towards her. I would punch the guy though. Probably break his jaw as he is apparently a little fragile. He has several replacement joints already. Maybe he is just mad that he is more metal than man or something.

>>272123

Interesting, Taco Tuesday is tomorrow. Could fill a very large box with a dozen 59 cent taco's.

>>272126
>Anyways the neighbor has several trees that encroach on my property, his fence is 1 1/2feet over the limit in the back and his newly constructed porch is too close to the sidewalk to be legal. His dog also barks non-stop at all hours of the day.

Why. Why haven't you done this. At the very least you could use it as leverage and dangle it over his head like a death sentence if he fucks with you again.

Offer him an olive branch. Tell him that you just wanna be left alone if he doesn't want to make nice, and if he doesn't wanna play ball then report his ass right then and there in front of his face.

>>272126
have your camera ready
live normally
wait til he harasses you
record it
just keep recording each time.

take about 10-20 videos to police, they cant ignore multiple videos.

Just go speak to him

>>272131
Just fucking do THIS.

You're asking for ways to make him stop being an asshole and you already have one. Go and tell him to stop being a dick and to at least try to be civil or you'll report his ass.

>>272131
Word

Alternatively, Build yourself a bigass fence and barb-wire that bitch

since he filed the first legal papers, you shouldnt feel to bad issuing the second one, and the third one, ect. Check your regs on that firepit, If everything up to code. you have to tell him to bring it up to council.or you bring it up that hes harrassing you.

i've thought og roundup turf killer and spraying their front yard the guy is a thoughtledd pric

Get a doberman and teach it to growl on command. I already had the doberman and I did this with my neighbor who constantly bitches at me about how my house is in the way of his view. How the fuck am I supposed to control that?

Feed his dog some poison.

Sure is /k/ in here. Work on your conversational skills OP, and talk to him. That's what civilised people do.

>>271474
Bamboo and banana trees both grow thick and fast and essentially creat a privacy fence wherever you put them.