/diy/ - Do It Yourself

>>1744574
someone has daddy issues

>>1744574
Just start sucking his dick and he'll forget all about it

>>1744576
But you are wrong. This isn't about that. It's simply asking the question. If you think about it, and if it applies to you, you might have a reasonable response.

>>1744585
well then I guess it does not apply to me.

>>1744587
Good on you mate. To each his own.

But my dad is dead

>>1744595
I know that feel, anon.

>>1744574

Been there, but I have literally hundreds of projects, home improvement, furniture, car repair stuff in need of doing. How can you not? My dad has a lot of projects too, he brings them to me and we work on them together. I bring him over for my projects to supervise, advise, and to help watch his grandkids.

>>1744574
jokes on you, my father drank himself to an early grave by the time I was 7

feelsbadman...

My old man is fading fast. :(

>>1744574
Dad used to drag me out of bed on Saturday morning at 8am to mow his lawn even though he knew I was at school all day the day before, went to work, got home from work at 3am and needed to study and work some more later that day. If it wasn't mowing the lawn, it was washing his cars, raking leaves, splitting wood, staining the deck, shoveling snow, etc. He never helped either, just yelled at me for doing it wrong or slow. This happened quite frequently until I moved out, where he hasn't bothered to call or write for nearly 15 years now.

So, if the scenario you're talking about ever happened, it might be just to get his measurements so I could build the proper sized pine box. Those things are quite expensive if you have to buy them, but really cheap material-wise.

>>1744574
best post. timeless dilemma.

>>1744644

Uhh... when you mowed the lawn, you did it correctly? I used to run the mower in these weird diagonal zig-zag patterns and my dad would come out and look at it, shake his head and re-do it. After the third time, I got slapped with a lifetime BAN from mowing the lawn... I wasn't allowed to touch it.

>>1744915
Every homeowner likes their lawn mowed a certain way. Some like it mowed diagonal, some like straight front-to-back, some consider edging to be an integral part, others consider it extra. My dad liked it diagonal, alternating every other week, about 4 inches high to the blade, mulched not bagged, edged in a clean line along the sidewalks, and cleaned up around obstacles with a string weed whacker. After that, sweep all surfaces with clippings on them, including the walls, and water by hand.

>>1744574
My dad died in 2017 his skills were of a narrow interest and he would not have been any help. If I wanted to hang out with him I would have just said "I'm going out to work on X come out with me". He would have pretended to be interested since he only was interested in trains and fire truck he would have gotten bored.

The last 4 years of his life he was just the body of my dad his mind had gone elsewhere.

For the record my mig welder can handle 1/4" and my plasma cutter can cut through 1/2". My stick welder can probably handle 1/2".
My dad never did any welding. Though he did have a 6' lathe at one time, he spent $600 in 1976 and used it to make parts for toy trains for a few months.

>>1744915
Damnit Bobby!

>>1744574
He ded. And I didn’t get the Flukes.

>>1744644
I feel that to the core, but it was a bit different for me. It was the case back then of the stupid step mother, who was just Dad's girlfriend and we all moved in together. Saturday morning, cleaning meant mowing the grass. Weedeating. Every typical thing outside was normal. Using the old snapper that barely ran but worked. (Picture the one Forrest Gump used mowing the football field)
I remember so many times it wouldn't crank, so fuck it. Push mow the entire back field that was literally push mowing kudzu. Oh, and when I was done and I went to hang out with my buddies, I'd get a chirp on the pager. Yes, a pager, and I had to call home on my friends home phone. "You forgot to clean out the bird bath in the front yard, you need to come back"
This was back in early highschool. Mid 90's. That shit will always stick with you.

>>1744953
I'm sorry for you loss Anon. I think part of why I made the post was my own realization that as I get older, I start valuing the time more. He and his wife are 5th wheel retired travelers going back the west coast on Sunday. I and the rest of the immediate family are on the east coast. I've helped him fix things during the time they spent here and aside from family gatherings, it's a time to just say "Hey Dad, I need some help doing this or that" It's more so to get him off his ass and instead of talking about stupid family bullshit over some Christmas dinner, I'd rather do something that we can do together as friends. No, we're not talking about your failing health because you eat like shit and still drink and don't move around. No, we're not talking about interpersonal family bullshit and the lost chances from years past. We are going to go to my shop. We're going to cut some plate steel. Put that shit in the band saw. You grind that while I weld this.
In the mean time, conversations might come up. But it won't be like one of those gay ass beer commercials. It'll be "Hey, are you sure that JET has the belts adjusted for grinding using the 14" diamond wheel?" and I'll say, "How about you finish cutting that 7ga sheet and use the shades!"

>>1744953
As well...
I didn't want to ask, but was it alzheimer's? That's a fear of mine as he's getting older and I refuse to let him forget how much he taught me. My Dad growing up could do everything. EVERY fucking thing. He got us the "how things work" encyclopedias.(80's) With the exploded view of every day objects. From fixing all the cars, building things around the house, to buying our first computer an old 386 Packard Bell and saying "This will be for school learning" and sure enough we played Doom or Wolfenstein 3D all the time and the internet came on a cd.

I talked to him tonight. To make sure he's going to get up on time and if he's physically able to come hang out. He's excited. It feels good. Even if I have him torch some plate steel that I might not end up using, I think we'll have a good time together. I'll leave it at. I have lurked /diy for years. This is the first thread I've started. I hope anyone reading this get's that motivation to go get a project done with your Dad. I'll post pictures if this thread is as slow moving as I expect. Call your Dad's. Even if you're mad as fuck about the past. They are old and they honestly just want to hang out and see what you can make. Do it together if you get a chance. I'm going to teach my old Man to use a shitty plasma cutter tomorrow. Thanks for reading all this bullshit. I'll be lurking.

>>1745089
My mother had Alzheimer's, you're right to fear it. It is the single most worst way to die a "natural" death. Good luck with tomorrow, Anon.

>mfw dad asks where a certain tool is

That dude doesn't want to fix anything and that's fine with me. I one time I tried to get him involved was the first time I wanted to change my oil but he told me to take it to a shop and I understood that he just didn't want to help. His last idea of father-son DIY bonding was me ricing his car with him occasionally walking outside to "see how's going."

>>1745097
I'm truly sorry to read that. I agree that it's one of those conditions that are honestly from the devil himself. To rob someone of their entire life in their head. If I can get in front of all the signs, I'll do what I can. Godspeed to you and yours anon.

>>1745101
Keep going with it. Maybe one day. I remember I needed to replace the clutch in my 89 Celica. Dad's busy. I'm trying to figure out with my limited tools how to break a bolt loose by myself. I remember using the ground and a lady's foot for torque. He came out a bit later to "See how things are going"... I got it done by myself. I'll never forget that he said, "I think your'e going to be alright"
That was about 18 years ago.
Give it time. But not too much time. It might require you reaching your hand out first though. Good luck Anon.

>>1745089
>but was it alzheimer's
vascular dementia, turns you in to a buffoon. but it does it in a stair step manner, for weeks he would be mostly normal but forgetful then suddenly he had ghosts in his fingers and imaginary people were stealing his precious train books. He had an insanely vast knowledge of all things trains and fire related. he lost it all in 4 years. couldn't walk after 2, shitting him self after that. and up until the last 2 years he knew it was happening the whole time. He asked me one time to "put him down".

>>1745013
May i ask how if it isnt too personal? I know many ppl in this line of work and am concerned due to all the chems involved

>>1745126
My grandpa had something similar to that. It's a fucking terrible way to go. His came in spurts though; one day we would go out to a nice lunch, grab some frozen custard on the way home, and shoot the shit while watching golf on TV. The next day he was falling all over the place, shit himself, and couldn't remember who his wife was who he'd been married to for 65 years but was talking about events that happened to him when he was in his teens or early adulthood.

Eventually, after a three week stay in the hospital because of a stroke, where he wasn't lucid but maybe an hour at a time and could only say that he wanted to go home, he was put in hospice care. Hospice care killed him quickly, because all they would do is keep him sedated and clean. It's basically a prolonged version of giving someone a lethal injection, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

>>1745132
Being a scumbag alcoholic. The 3-packs a day kept the other carcinogens away.

He was just over 60 when he died I think, afaik he was in decent health except for his back, I think climbing up and down ladders with tools for a few decades did a number on him. But also as much as I can remember, so like late 30s (mid 1990s) up to when he died, he wasn’t really digging in asbestos filled residential attics and shit, it was a lot of diagnosis and electric-computer stuff in commercial buildings, so I’m sure that was better for his health compared to some of the other service and install guys.

In case anyone was curious, I'll button up this whole thing.

Dad and I had a great time today. What we accomplished wasn't the point. It was just hanging out. I got him on the plasma cutter. (FYI a stupid Hobart 110AC bullshit Plasma Cutter is shit for anything above .125) The damn thing kept over heating and Dad had a hell of a time.
But, just as he would have done me when I was a kid, I left him to his own devices while I was cloning two computer hard drives in my office and cutting some square stock on the band saw.

This was after buying us a giant breakfast and bullshitting about politics and "the young kids these days"

It was a good day. He helped make some metal strapping for some ramps I'm building using 2x10's. It was the point that he asked if he could sit down for a minute that told me we were good for the afternoon. I'm glad I had the chance to dick around and make something with him. It might be the last time for me. If anyone of you reading this wonder about reaching out to the Old Man, regardless of the past, I will tell you this. Make the call. Or text. It might just be getting a beer together staring at the back yard, it might be working on a motor, or building a deck or what the hell ever task you have going on. Make the call. One of these days you'll not be able to. It took me many years to get to this point. I'm glad that I did.

Nuff said about all this bullshit. Let's get back to Anons shooting their fucking hot water heaters in a rental. Real talk though, glad that worked out in the end.

>>1745661
That's good.
I only got about 6 months with my old man before he started losing his mind to the Vascular Dementia. I picked his brain for any information I could on relatives. There are not a lot of us, and if I told you my last name you'd find me real quick because only 6 people in the whole US have our last name and they all live within 1 mile of me. I recorded some of his less boring stories and video'd him a couple of times (though he never new it).

>>1744574
Thanks, anon. Didn't see dad's perspective and I still have time. He's in his early 60's. Real handy and helped me remodel my bathroom. Once a month or so, he asks if he can help me with a project; only problem for me is I'm burnt out and don't want to dick around with anything around the house any more on the weekend.
Never thought it wasn't about that and that wasn't what he was asking.

>>1745089

good vibes bro. good thread.

>>1745669
I must say, one of those ancestry sites have given a lot of information for me. I got the bug years ago to look a lot of things up with the family. With the increase in social media these days, it's surprising to see the connections. I only tried face book over the past year simply because so many of my family are on there. As far as video, I say go for it. I regret I never interviewed a couple of people I've met in my work the past couple of years. One man that was a very eclectic engineer that was in his 70s. We worked on a project together. He was a hermit and I went to his house to see all of the gadgets he built by hand. In fact I'm sure he's responsible for some amazing things that happened locally in the south east. One week I was there building a dynamic brake resistor, and a few months later, he had a cough and he was diagnosed with cancer and died shortly after. I still have his tools that he gave me at work. This man deserved his own documentary. It reminded me that I need to take notes on the older folk. I regret that I never sat down with him to discuss his history. He was one of those "no nonsense pardon my language just get to work" type old men who would have probably told me to stop recording and get to building something. In fact, here's a quote you can take: "You don't need a stainless steel kitchen to boil some fucking hotdogs" ~Vernon Goodwin

>>1745672
I feel ya man. I had the Old Man cutting that bullshit flat plate. I tripped a breaker at one point when the band saw got bound while he was using the plasma cutter. (both on a 20A breaker) It was a bit of a cluster fuck, but once things got moving, I was able to accomplish so much more with a second hand at work. I made sure he knew that as well. In fact, I picked up the bolts to use for the metal he cut today and I told him I'd send him updates with the results. At the end of the day, I'll remember asking him for his advice on one of the computers and how the hard drives were partitioned, and then sitting across from me at my desk talking about his days driving a tractor trailer through Detroit with no GPS and getting stuck under bridges in NY. It honestly feels good knowing we got the chance to just work side by side for a couple hours, even with no words spoken. He asked me afterwards if he "did enough to help me". Good grief, That's one of those questions that on the face of it, you'll say Of course, You helped me a lot today at work. And then you'll hear the echo of that same question in your head head for days, or weeks/years not really sure how to answer. But none of that shit matters when you're just busting shit out together at work or in that back yard. You just take the moment. You take it and fucking run with it. It doesn't mean you have to hug it out. Or speak any words related to how you feel. It's just the man who created you trying to make sure you're going to do all right. Regardless of his previous efforts. If he wakes up and comes over, that means he's missing something. He's not going to say it. The moment you work together doesn't require either of you acknowledging that fact.

>>1745731
I appreciate that. I honestly didn't plan on replying after yesterday, but it's sort of cathartic to come back and respond to everyone else who's chimed in.
It'll get pushed down and forgotten, as it should. I just went with it. I'll leave it at this. Good vibes for everyone. And hopefully some amazing DIY tasks with Dad or any other loved ones. Godspeed for 2020.

My dad has never done a project in his life. the only tools he owns are a set of allen keys, a few screwdrivers and a cheap hammer

My old man and I have worked side by side since I was a youngin. We built our big shop together, we built fence together, put in underground pipelines together, built corrals together, everything, basically built the entire farm together. That pic is of lanky ass me @ 14 years old and the old man on the tractor putting up our shop.

He has really started going down hill the past couple months due to shitty fucking cancer... Can hardly even walk right now. I'm just hoping the chemo will knock it back again so he can at least get around a bit better. If he can't get around to do farm stuff I'm afraid he won't last much longer.

>>1746327
Perhaps it wasn't a "project" Anon. Maybe something else? You took the time to post and I wonder if you are wondering about how to connect. It doesn't have to be some hands on thing. Just something you two might enjoy doing together?

>>1746368
That's a massive building. Or at least the skeleton of said building. I'll tell you now, get your phone out. Record what you can. It will most likely piss him off but just record everything. When it's safe to do so. You have the advantage of growing up so close to him. Sounds like the Old Man needs to keep moving/working to keep living. You both will find a way to make that happen. You more so than Him. You'll push it. You will do so willingly and it will echo. Do what you can Anon. Godspeed.

Damn man I feel my parents getting older too and it makes me so sad and scared inside.

>>1744574
I think about this question a lot - my father and I shared a passion for cars as I grew up, but I was always guilt tripped or ignored when I asked for a simple “can you show me how to do an oil change” or “can you help me figure out how to change spark plugs”
Then he would take credit for “making me figure it out on my own”

He ended up leaving the family multiple times over the course of my childhood and I could never really bond with him after all of that.

I haven’t came to terms with it fully and it really sucks whenever I have to work on my car because it’s all I can think about.

I wrote a book about my dad and the last 5 years of his life, and he and I dealt with his vascular dementia. it will probably not ever get published unless I self publish. but it felt good to write it.

>>1746553
I came back to this thread just to see some responses. I noticed it got pushed off the front page to the point I had to search for it. This might not mean much to anyone else, and I may not even be able to respond after this point, but for you Anon, don't let anyone dictate when you come to terms. With all that family bullshit. Even your Dad or the lack there of. I went through that myself, and it sucked ass. But you realize at some point growing up that you are spinning your wheels waiting on "Him" to see you. You gotta work on that car yourself. And years later, you'll perhaps remember some advice and take it. But don't let the early experience dictate how you go and attack your own life. You might decide to fix the car in spite of him. I think we both know that it's not a good idea to approach it like that. You just do what you want, you succeed in your own life. You kick ass, and bust that shit out. And if/when He come's asking how things are, then you pull your shoulders back, and pump up your chest... with pride. You got that shit done man. With or without him. At that point, you'll be giving him advice on how to fix his own stuff. Family bullshit notwithstanding.
Godspeed Anon. It shouldn't suck to work on your car. Own that shit Man!!

>>1746668
Should share that shit online with dementia support communities and setup a link to donate. Or self-publish on Amazon. That shit is really difficult to bear, and it's hard to find good biographies that follow it. I'd rather read someone's honest struggle sometimes than the blogs that try to look on the bright side. There's room for both, but not enough. Reminds me of a guy who posted his diary of his mom who had dementia and his guilt and aclohol-riddled self medicating to deal with it.

>>1745661
Good on you anon.

>>1744644
>>1745073
i hope you realize now how good and caring parents you have (/had) i wish my childhood would have been remotely that "strict" even though they were probably no learned didacts they had something in mind by making you do the stuff or teaching you to do it properly through facing consequences.
my parents almost never gave me any boundaries i never had to do stuff i wlawys could or it would be nice to etc i think thats one cause for me becoming a deadbeat neet fucktard that only slowly gets the shit together and sits here crying because i never even came to the idea to do something with my parents until one day i couldnt reach them on the phone, and on the next day neither, so i went over, entered the home , nobody there, went home thoguth , oh maybe they are on vacation , another two days later still no contact , nobody at home everything looked like they just left ... go to police station wanting to file them as missing, officer tells me they are in the hospital , troopers couldnt find anyone at their home and neighbors wouldnt open the door so they left , turns out they had a car accident and died 12, respectively 24 hours before i got to the police station in intensive care
well fuck my life.
maybe you could get over your dad being "mean" for giving you instructions on how to do things proper, every parent just tries to the best of their abilities to make their kids into what they think would be the best for them i guess
dont blame the parents even though you are basically a blank sheet of paper, you have a massive part in it as well much of it is just natural , a lot of it is learned by mimicry which is i guess the thing why stuff parents try to enforce on their kids doesnt work if they just give orders and are unrelatable role models by doing so...