/diy/ - Do It Yourself

>>1827773

Just imagine, you having a horrid hangover from drinking, stumbling totally wrecked into the kitchen in a bid to locate the painkillers. Then you just witness the coffee machine and decide to turn it on. While the machine brews a nice black strong coffee you just open up the kitchen-shithole, lighting up a cigarette and popping a painkiller. Ding Dong, coffee is ready. You grab that hot tasty coffee, sipping on it and you instantly realize that the pencil is already drawing a line in your shorts. So you lower your pants, sit down, let go a gigantic, horrendous smelling poison gas fart combining your last 6 sugary drinks, beer and the obligatory kebap, while lighting another cigarette. While the painkillers slowly kick in, you grab the coffee for another sip while scanning your surroundings. Ahhh yes, a gossip magazine on the bench right beside. You Open up a random page, staring on alien like botox dumps, that dont even look human or feminine at all. Arghhhhh there it goes, begone with that giant nigger. Next page! A close friend of slobbering cripple Michael "shit bag" Schumacher knows for the 200th time that he will be ok and is improving slowly but steadily. Arghhh, ploff, begone is the next monster turd.. Ok, finished. You slowly turn around around realizing that there are no asswipes around. FFS....ahh ok i have just to missuse that silky scarf over there. Doesnt look expensive anyways. Get up, pants still down...when suddenly the sjw flatmate of your ONS appears in the kitchen. She stares at you in plain disbelief whiping your butt with her 400 EUR Prada scarf while scratching your balls, asking her where the flushing button might be located. Her face turns from utter horror to disgusted and then crying in no time. She turns around heading to the room of your one night stand, just screaming "oh girl, your autistic fuckbuddy just ruined my Prada scarf whiping his butt with it after shiting a gigantic turd into the defunct toilet in the kitchen.