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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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7777820 No.7777820[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

Hi friends, this is a series I'm going to be posting of me fucking food and rating them. Hope you enjoy.

Food Item #1: Grapefruit (Or should I say rapefruit?)

Preparation: (Easy 8/10) Get a simple grapefruit, then cut a vertical slit anywhere. Then cut a horizontal slit making an "X". That X marks the spot for your penis! Take as many fingers as it takes for you to make an similar size of your penis and stuff the hole. Nobody likes a cold dead vagina, so slap that into the microwave till desired warmth. I recommend 20 seconds. Fuck it!

Stealth: 0/10 If you don't live alone, don't try this. The sound is so loud. I'm not joking.

Session: 6/10 It was pretty hard to fuck at first and not as wet as I wanted, but the more I did it, the more juice came out. The acidity almost made it feel like a vagina.

Orgasm: 8/10 for my first episode, this orgasm was intense. I came inside the grapefruit, and I almost couldn't because of the orgasm. My knees still feel weak and wobbly and that says something as I squat a lot.

Cleanup 9/10 if you live alone. Just throw it away, and wash your dick amd hands. 3/10 if you live with people. People will ask bloody questions of why you are walking with a grapefruit full of cum. Also you'll smell like grapefruit a lot. I just wrapped what I did around newspaper that I took into the bathroom, and threw it away as I left.

Thanks for reading! I rate the overall experience a 6/10 wank session. Great if you're alone at home and horny.

The picture after I fucked it by the way. Suggest what you want me to fuck next.

>> No.7777836

>>7777820
wat

>> No.7777850

>>7777820
By the way guys, do tell me if you try it and what you think.

>> No.7777871

>>7777820
not sure what to think, damn OP...

>> No.7777883

This falls right into my sense of humor, make more OP

>> No.7777887

>>7777883
Will do. I might not do it everyday but maybe every once in a while. Any suggestions?

>> No.7777890

>>7777887
Fuck a raw chicken

>> No.7777892

>>7777887
try a banana peel

>> No.7777896

>>7777892
This

>> No.7777899

>>7777890
Will take into consideration. Maybe on the 4th of July I can get my hands on a Turkey.

>> No.7777902

>>7777820
Use a kiwi as a masturbatory aid and tell us how it was

>> No.7777904

>>7777892
>>7777896
Will do that. I've done this numerous times but I feel that you all need my expert opinion.

>> No.7777909

>>7777902
That would probably get seeds up my dick and would take a long time to fuck, but I cant say no to a fan

>> No.7777916

>>7777820
Fuck one of those big, long shaped watermelons whilst laying on your back. Part of me thinks that, if it's warm, it would feel great.

>> No.7777929

>>7777820
What about slightly warm apple pie?

>> No.7777933

>>7777929
How is Jason Biggs not Jewish?

>> No.7777935

>>7777820
>as i squat a lot
l o l

>> No.7777937

>>7777916
As I live with roomates, I can try to fuck one, but I'll have to wait till they're gone.
>>7777929
Will do if I get to it, I'm writing down all of these suggestions so Ill get to them sooner or later

>> No.7777939

I am monitoring this thread.

also:

>>7777777

>> No.7777941

>>7777935
It rhymes I didn't notice that heh.

>> No.7777943
File: 180 KB, 512x384, 0-760.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7777943

>>7777820
>The acidity almost made it feel like a vagina.
this is my favorite part

>> No.7777944

>>7777937
Fuck an eggplant while your roommates are there and say hey check out my dick emoji

>> No.7777949

>>7777944
This made me chuckle. However I don't want my roommates to know that I stick my dick in food.

>> No.7777957

>>7777944
And no worries I wrote down eggplant.

>> No.7777959

>>7777957
Could you fuck an artichoke or is it too dangerous?

>> No.7777960

How come no one suggested a cucumber yet? fucking wankers

>> No.7777963

>>7777960
You don't fuck a cucumber, a cucumber fucks you

>> No.7777964

Have sex with a woman and then eat her.

>> No.7777976

>>7777959
Artichoke, no unless I cook it and cool it. Maybe artichoke hearts.
>>7777960
>>7777963
No I am going to fuck a cucumber, I am growing some actually. When they are ready I'll hollow one out, fuck it and post it.
>>7777964
No, that's overrated.

>> No.7777978

So do you move it up and down like a fleshlight or does it stay stationary?

>> No.7777980

>>7777820
Make one of those big, jiggly pancakes and fuck it. I feel ashamed to admit but those things are sexy as fuck.

Also, can somebody post the gif or webm of the big, sexy pancakes getting branded. I need it for.... culinary research.

>> No.7777981

>>7777978
Depends on what you want. I personally moved it like a fleshlight, but you can get something to hold it stationary to fuck it too.

>> No.7777982

have you tried fucking some of those blubbery looking rice cooker pancakes before

>> No.7777983

>>7777980
Written down for future use. I put a question mark near it because I don't know what you mean. Regular pancakes, maybe?
>>7777982
No but that sounds kinda hot and fun to fuck post a video or recipe!

>> No.7777986
File: 1.00 MB, 1440x2560, Screenshot_20160613-171646.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7777986

>>7777983
Best I could do.

>> No.7777992

>>7777983
Fuck a braciole

>> No.7777993

>>7777986
I might undercook that so it would be good to fuck.

>> No.7778000

>>7777993
Use fried calamari as a cockring

>> No.7778001

How often are you going to submit your findings? Will you also be posting vids of said food fucking?

>> No.7778003

>>7778001
I can't post videos as it's against the rules. I might upload it to pornhub or something. I'll post maybe once every two days. Mainly posting on Monday-Friday.

>> No.7778056

I think I know what I'm gonna do tomorrow. I won't tell you it'll be a surprise.

Also I will start at casual natural more "basic" foods and fuck my way up as I run out of stuff to fuck.

>> No.7778091
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7778091

Please continue this. Godspeed OP.

>> No.7778096

>>7778091
Yup! Too bad I don't feel horny after one wank, otherwise I would fuck so many food items in one day for you all.

>> No.7778179
File: 1.22 MB, 2560x1440, TYNfeo1.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7778179

>>7777820
>I squat a lot
Made me giggle

Go on OP, that's the best thread of my entire day

>> No.7778202
File: 51 KB, 399x582, wait a minute.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7778202

I waited for a thread like this all my life.

>> No.7778207

>>7777820
Threads like these are why I keep coming back here.

OP if it hasn't been suggested, fuck a habanero pepper.

>> No.7778208

Hey Reddit

>> No.7778237

>>7778179
Glad I could make your day. Speaking of days, never skip leg day.
>>7778207
Keep coming back, as I've written your habanero pepper request down. I might do a day where I fuck that pepper that stick my dick in ice cream afterwards.
>>7778208
This is 4chan's /ck/ board, not Reddit.
>>7778202
Then you'll be coming back tomorrow, right?

>> No.7778264

Will you be doing foods that are easily penetrated, such as fruit, or will you be doing foods you need to prepare to fuck?

>> No.7778271

Fuck a bean burrito

>> No.7778285

>>7778237
A boiled cabbage
A cantaloupe
A ripe mangosteen if you can find one
A beef heart (you can even run electricity through it to make it beat, be careful about that, though)
A pulled pork sandwich

>> No.7778300

>>7778237
'G O 'Z A
O
'Z
A