Coo/ck/ Along

[OP No.14609444]

hello. My parents are out of town so its time to party.
Today we are making tamales exactly how abuelita used to make.
Im using:
4 onions
9 roma tomatos
16 jalapenos
11 tomatillos( green tomatos)
Big hunk of queso cotija
1/4 lb lard
3 packets of corn husks
6 1/2 pounds of prepared masa( if you dont have access to a mexican grocery store, tough luck.)
A pinch each of cumin, parsley, thyme, paprika, dill weed, rosemary, chili powder, and oregano.
10 dried california chiles
6 dried bay leaves
3 lbs boneless skinless chicken breast
2 pounds of flank steak.

This is gonna take a while. Ill keep you posted

[Anonymous No.14609449]

>>14609444
Post your cock and tits for posterity

[OP No.14609475]

I did say this is exactly how abuelita used to make. So first things first. Stick the meat into pots with a 4th onion 3 bay leaves, some garlic powder and some salt and put on high to boil.

>inb4 bitching about boiled meat.

[Anonymous No.14609493]

Are you the guy that did the sausage and peppers the other day? Thanks for that thread. It reminded me of how much I love peppers and onions with brats.

[Anonymous No.14609498]

>>14609475
I’m really interested into this OP

[OP No.14609503]

>>14609493
no. But I posted a recipe for what i call curry hash the same day.

[OP No.14609508]

Rinse your cornhusks and submerge in water to soften untill needed. Put somethibg heavy ontop to make sure all are submerged.

Im going to be getting drunk while i cook so grammer will continue to get shittier.

[Anonymous No.14609510]

>>14609503
Oh well, carry on. :)

[OP No.14609637]

Put 15 rinced and destemed tomatillos and 6 jalepenos to boil in a seperate pot

[OP No.14609648]

Put 3 red tomatos and 10 california dried chiles in yet abother pot to boil.

These and the green tomato pot will make a sause later

[OP No.14609660]

>>14609648
>>14609637
OP feed me :(

[Anonymous No.14609678]

>>14609648
OP feed me :(

[Anonymous No.14609682]

>>14609444
Subscribed

[OP No.14609692]

Alright cut up 1 and 1/2 onions, 6 red tomatoes and 10 jalepenos into stripts and place into a pan to be sautéed once a burner is available.

Fun tip: do no rub your onion eyes with jalepeno hands or you will have a bad time. I am in emence pain.

[OP No.14609713]

>>14609637
>>14609648

Only let the tomaroes and chiles boil together for 5 min, the. Cut the heat.

[OP No.14609728]

brb just going for a wank.

[Anonymous No.14609737]

>>14609444
this isn't how you make tamales at all.

[OP No.14609760]

>>14609737
It’s how my abuelita made it, so.

[OP No.14609763]

>>14609737
I am literally using a recipe from a woman currently living in mexico right now you autistic faggot.

[Anonymous No.14609765]

>>14609760
[citation needed]
using the mexican word for grandma does not mean you have one or that she makes tamales, or that she does it correctly.

[Anonymous No.14609769]

>>14609763
I don't give a fuck if she IS mexico those aren't tamale ingredients.

[Anonymous No.14609772]

>>14609760
>boneless skinless chicken
She must be spinning in her grave. Aside from that, this looks just like how mom makes it

[OP No.14609774]

>>14609769
>>14609765
Fuck off nigger and go shrink your dick and smell your underwear

[Anonymous No.14609779]

>>14609769
I bet you eat one of those monstrosities wrapped in banana leaves and/or filled with mole

[OP No.14609791]

>>14609769
You can fill a tamale with what ever you want. Im making beef with red sause, chicken with green sause and jalapeno and cheese kinds.
Ive had them made with apples and raisins.

[OP No.14609796]

>>14609772
Yeah she would. But i like the breast in this better. Use thighs if you want. It cooks the same.

[OP No.14609811]

Cut up the cheese like so.

[OP No.14609821]

>>14609811
I forgot to mention that my cheese came from my butt cheeks

[OP No.14609831]

Ugh I already made a huge mess. My parents are gonna kill me!

[Anonymous No.14609838]

>>14609444
Not real mexican recipe.

[OP No.14609841]

Take the red tomatoes and dried chiles that have been boiled for 5 min and left off the heat and about 2/3rds of the water it was boiling in and blend it. Taste afterwards and add salt. I blended in a handfull of dried ancho chiles for spicyness and a lattle of chicken water to thin it out. Use your best judgement.

[Anonymous No.14609843]

>>14609811
No hay queso en tamales.

[Anonymous No.14609846]

>>14609791
Tamales are not filled with cheese.

[OP No.14609853]

>>14609843
>>14609846
Shut up niggers I’m a fucking real mexican, unlike you

[Anonymous No.14609859]

>>14609853
I am mexican. I live in Mexico. You are a stupid chicano. You are just a dumb gringo. You are not a mexican citizen.

[OP No.14609863]

>>14609843
Rajas, idiot know it all. Vete a la mierda and shut the fuck up, GRINGO

[Anonymous No.14609869]

>>14609853
>>14609859
Real enchiladas for example

[Anonymous No.14609870]

>>14609843
que maricon

[OP No.14609873]

>>14609859
Nigger mad LOL

[Anonymous No.14609875]

>>14609870
Entiendelo. No eres mas que un chicano.

[Anonymous No.14609880]

>>14609873
You are so stupid and childish. You cannot even make a proper drawing.

[Anonymous No.14609884]

>>14609863
El gringo eres tu. Entiendelo. No eres mexicano. No hablas español. No sabes de Mexico ni su cultura.

[Anonymous No.14609890]

>>14609853
Prove it the, perro.

[OP No.14609894]

>>14609880
Alright fuckhead, if you think you’re the Biff and i’m the McFly, do a better drawing :3

[OP No.14609895]

Y'all a bunch of fuckin losers. I'mma have a hot mamacita come over while you GRINGOS criticize a REAL Mexican man. We'll be eating tamales in bed while y'all debate the authenticity of my food like lil bitches. Peace niggas

[OP No.14609899]

Do the same with the green. Oh and i forgot to mencion to divie up the spices between each sauce.

[Anonymous No.14609904]

>>14609895
No puedes escribir en español. No sabes de tus raices. Eres un loquito. Mirate perder los estribos.

[Anonymous No.14609905]

Shitfests like these are why tripcodes exist. Not for recognition across a board, but for recognition in a single thread.

[Anonymous No.14609906]

>>14609894
No una gota de español en tu hablar. Eres un gringo. No eres mexicano.

[OP No.14609917]

>>14609904

[Anonymous No.14609928]

>>14609444
Fuck off. Your abueltia must be blind, deaf and have no taste buds and probably has Downs Syndrome. I could get better and more authentic 'Mexican' food at Taco Bell

[Anonymous No.14609931]

>>14609917
Ypu have derailed your own thread, tonto.

[OP No.14609934]

>>14609931
What is “ypu”. And i’m still waiting on that drawing nigger

[OP No.14609944]

>>14609904
Cállate pinche hijo de puta obviamente no eres mexicano deja de escribir pendejadas. Mejor ponte de rodillas y dame una buena mamada, marica de mierda

[Anonymous No.14609946]

best thread on this stupid board in a good month. Bless you tamale mami

[OP !4GOAtr3qeY No.14609955]

put your sliced jalapenos, onions and tomatoes on high heat with 1or 2 tbs of lard and some salt and sweat them untill relatively soft.

Lots of fake mes in this thread.

[OP No.14609960]

Im so fucking good at drawing that i can draw this thread!

[Mexican King - The best No.14609991]

everyone here is correct - your recipe is fucking shit

[OP !4GOAtr3qeY No.14610004]

Once the chicken is done boiling take it out and shread it. Reserve the chicken water.

[Mexican King - The best No.14610013]

>>14610004
Shitty recipe. you can tell because he is taking so long lol

[OP !4GOAtr3qeY No.14610024]

Take off the heat when it looks like this.

Next is the hard part. See you in a bit. I need to have a smoke.

[Anonymous No.14610041]

>>14610013
What?

[Anonymous No.14610047]

>>14609831
me in the top right

[Yogurt Gangsta No.14610052]

>>14609853
White boi you bes ta watch who ya callin nigga. Ill slap yo cracka ass silly

[Yogurt Gangsta No.14610057]

>>14609859
Ain neva come ta dis bored again godam spic.

[OP !4GOAtr3qeY No.14610092]

Oh sorgot to shread the beef, same as the chicken, you can throw away the beef water.

[OP !4GOAtr3qeY No.14610100]

Put your masa along with a 1/4 pound of lard laddle in the chicken water and mash it with your hands. Keep adding chicken water and mashing untill it reaches the consistency of oatmeal

[OP !4GOAtr3qeY No.14610104]

>>14610100
make sure your doing this in a large nonstick pot, or you will have a bad time.

[OP !4GOAtr3qeY No.14610114]

That looks about right.

[OP No.14610121]

Next step is to have a thick mexicana enthusiastically BRAP into your masa. Adds a very distinct flavor that's hard to replicate

[OP No.14610141]

>>14610121
Note I licked my wife’s butt and she kicked my penis in the process

[Anonymous No.14610160]

>>14610121
Used to pay a cuban girl in miami to fart in my mouth five years ago. It was heaven. If she had been eating maduros it was toxic enough to make me lose vision. As a catholic, it was as if convening with the mother. mommy

[OP !4GOAtr3qeY No.14610168]

Turn it up to high and stir it constantly untill it begins to boil. Then turn the heat down to low untill it solidifies

[OP !4GOAtr3qeY No.14610193]

>>14610168
Always stiring when on low . Its a bitch

[OP !4GOAtr3qeY No.14610277]

starting to thicken up now. Be sure to scrape at the sides and bottom to prevent burning. not done yet. Your arms will be hurting by now.
You know its done whe you can put a ball of it in water with out it falling apart.

[OP !4GOAtr3qeY No.14610286]

It's done! 2 3rds of the way there.

[OP !4GOAtr3qeY No.14610289]

let the massa cool completely before assembly. See you in a bit.

[OP !4GOAtr3qeY No.14610451]

All ready for final assembly!

[OP !4GOAtr3qeY No.14610479]

First on the softer side of the corn husk spread some of the massa

[OP !4GOAtr3qeY No.14610483]

Starting with the cheese and jalapeno kind put the sautéed jalapeno ontop of the massa.

[OP !4GOAtr3qeY No.14610486]

Then the cheese. Then fold up the corn husk and push anythong poking out in and tighten it.

[OP !4GOAtr3qeY No.14610489]

Should look like this. Keep it open side up untill ready to cook

[OP !4GOAtr3qeY No.14610496]

For the meat and sauce kinds, put a smear of sauce, then the massa. Then the meat then the sauce again. Wrap it up like the other kind.

[OP !4GOAtr3qeY No.14610507]

After wraped, wrap them again in parchment paper like so. Remember to keep them upright.

[Anonymous No.14610517]

Fantastic! Please post more steps. Those tamales look proud

[Anonymous No.14610536]

>boiled chicken
I feel like it could be so much better

[Anonymous No.14610717]

>>14609475
based.
Not many people in the world know this trick to eliminate the shoquilla

[Anonymous No.14610870]

>>14609859
have you ever noticed that mexicans are the /pol/ of the world? I mean, they are always shitting each other on who is more mexican. If you are not mexican enough, you are not mexican. Like in /pol/, whoever is the whitest is the most valuable.
BTW, I'm Mexican.

[Anonymous No.14610878]

>>14610717
>shoquilla
What's that

[Anonymous No.14610903]

>>14610878
Well, my mom is from Oaxaca and she taught me this.
Have you ever noticed that aftertaste the chicken, fish or pork have? that's shoquilla. Funny it does not apply to cow meat. Have you ever drank from a glass cup and suddenly it smells to you like raw egg yolk? that's shoquilla.

You can eliminate shoquilla different ways for different types of meats and houseware. For fish, you marinate it with grounded garlic, salt and lemon for an hour. If you have to fry it, you have to put lots of garlic to fry as well. For pork and chicken, you can eliminate shoquilla by boiling the meat with onions, salt and the herbs of your like. For houseware, you add bleach, lemons and pinol to your soap solution.

I don't know if you get it. Many people even in Mexico don't get it because they are so used to smelling and tasting shoquilla they think is normal. Clearly OP's abuelita was from Oaxaca.